December 10, 1972

(Mother sees Sujata, who reads her a letter from Satprem.)

December 10, 1972

Mother,

For the past several nights, my body seems to have

 been physically tortured all night long. I keep tossing

and turning in pain. Also I feel as if my stomach is being

 clawed. I am afraid that if this goes on, I am actually

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going to fall ill. In the morning when I come out of it, I

feel as if my body were full of poison. [[I now wonder whether I was not, in my own measure, beginning to learn the painful lesson of oneness, which starts with all the ambient ill-will. Now I understand fully well that there must be no more "person" in order to withstand all that. If there is "somebody-who," it is painful - and dangerous. ]]

May I become entirely and exclusively your child.

Satprem

For me life is a torture if I am not exclusively turned to the Divine. That's the only remedy; otherwise, it's true, life is a torture. Existing becomes intolerable.

The only remedy is to be like this ... (gesture, hands turned upward in contemplative silence) ... when time ceases to exist.

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