MOTHER'S AGENDA

Yes.... One of my legs went dead for a long time -- it's just starting to come back to life -- it was paralyzed. This leg (the left). So naturally everything was difficult.... I had an intestinal ulcer, but that didn't last long. It was more serious but it didn't last. An intestinal ulcer. But what ties me down is this leg that became paralyzed. (Mother touches her left leg.) The lower part of it, from the knee to the heel. So naturally you become an imbecile!

Oh!

You are completely helpless.

But then it means a lot of work is being done, doesn't it?

What was remarkable (I want to tell you this right away) is that the consciousness established there (gesture above her head) has grown stronger and stronger and clearer and clearer. And it's CONSTANT. I worked -- I went on working -- not only for India but for the world, and in touch ("consulted," you understand), actively.

As for the transformation, I don't know.... What I had explained about the "replacement of the consciousness" (the transfer) went on methodically, methodically, absolutely methodically and continuously, but with ... some apparent impairment, or at least the capacities of my body were greatly diminished for a certain time. But there is a curious phenomenon concerning sight and hearing: from time to time they're clear, as clear as can be, and at other times they're completely blurred. And it has very, very clearly another origin -- another origin of influence. But I think it will take months before I can understand it. In any case, the general consciousness (gesture above her head), what could be called the universal consciousness (or at least terrestrial), hasn't budged for one minute -- not one single minute. It has stayed there all the time. Only, you're a complete imbecile; you know how it is when you can't do anything: you're helpless, you can't even go from your chair to the bed, you can't do anything -- one leg isn't there.

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Even now I can't walk unaided, I need someone to hold me up.

But it will come back, Mother.

It is coming back. It is coming back little by little. There was a time when it was total: it was cold as ice. There was no circulation. Something had blocked the circulation. Now it's better, it's coming back to life.

Only, I thought of the Bulletin, we can't leave the Bulletin like that. Did you prepare it?

Yes, it's all ready, Mother. I've already given it to the Press.

Oh, what did you give?

Here....

(Mother gives some packages of soup)

Thank you, Mother.... First, "The Synthesis of Yoga" (the

chapter on "The Liberation of the Spirit"), then "Conversa

tions with Pavitra," then "Thoughts and Aphorisms" com

mented on by you, and then "Mother Answers," and finally

two old Talks of 1953 in the Playground.

Oh, that's ... [old].

But they're very interesting.

Concerning what?

For example, someone asks you why you don't have disciples

of higher quality to do the work here.

(Mother laughs whole-heartedly,

her laugh is so refreshing!)

He's a severe critic!

So you answer that if you had very "realized" people, they

would probably be more resistant to your influence.

(Mother nods her head)

Did you see what Z noted down [note of January 11, 1971]?

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Yes, Mother, I've seen it.

What did you think of it?

I thought it probably would have to be like that: it's the begin

ning of a new functioning.

It's a new functioning. It's interesting. In fact I was thinking that perhaps I could explain it to you if you ask me a question or two. And then, maybe it could be used [for the Bulletin], so there's not an abrupt break in the continuity.

Is it your perception of people and circumstances that has

changed? Your way of perceiving things?

Yes, completely -- completely. It's very strange....

Basically, all that time was used to develop the consciousness of the physical being. It really seems as if this physical being (Mother touches her body) had been prepared for another consciousness, because for certain things ... its reactions are entirely different, its attitude is different. I went through a period of total indifference in which the world represented ... meant nothing. And then little by little a kind of new perception grew out of it.

I am only in the middle of it.

But I was thinking that for the Bulletin perhaps we could put a note that would connect the different periods, because going abruptly, without any bridge from what was to what will be -- what I feel will be -- would be very difficult to understand.

How did you feel about that note?... I am all the more interested because I didn't have any contact with anyone at that point: Z happened to be cleaning the room while the others were busy -- they were my legs to do things! It was quite a physical task, you know: to get me from a chair to an armchair and from the armchair to the bed.... It was really bad, I was like a child -- worse, worse because the rest of the body, all the rest of the body was normal, but for some time one of my legs was simply ... it was as if it were finished, as if there were nothing there. And little by little, little by little it came back. That was the final period. But it was not an innocent paralysis! For at least three weeks -- at least -- for three weeks there was a continuous pain, night and day, 24 hours out of 24, without any letup, none whatsoever: it was as if everything were being torn out of me.... You know, I don't usually

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complain, but I was almost forced to cry out loud all the time. So, of course, there was no question of seeing anyone. Now it's over. The pain is quite bearable and the body has resumed a somewhat normal existence.

But I wanted to tell you that my consciousness was actively with you all the time; I thought: if he feels it, so much the better; if he doesn't ... it doesn't matter.[[Mother means it will produce an effect anyway. ]]

I felt the Power very intensely.

Oh, then that's it.

Yes, quite instantaneously, quite immediately.

Then it's all right.

Above all, I thought that if it had gone down into your legs,

that meant it had now completely gone down into matter.

Yes, exactly! But I took it that way too. Not only was it the leg, but the lower part of the leg (Mother points to her feet). This one (Mother touches her right leg) was on the verge of being paralyzed also, but the day it happened, I concentrated with a vengeance, I walked for a long, long time to keep it from being paralyzed. I managed to keep it from being paralyzed; only this one (left one) was stricken.

But the whole body has changed drastically. For example, with respect to food, I have absolutely no appetite -- none whatsoever. For a time, I even felt disgusted, a kind of disgust for food -- it was very difficult because they wanted to force me to eat just the same.[[This particular problem will become very acute. One could hear -- and would hear more and more often -- down in the Ashram courtyard the voices of those who were telling her, "Eat, Mother, it's good, it's good for you," the way you speak to a child or a senile patient. She was never allowed to go through with her experience. ]] To me eating seemed like something ... miserable, you know, without any meaning, exactly as if I had never eaten in my life. Out of sheer effort I managed to go on taking what is considered indispensable (laughing) to keep the body alive!

It nearly became serious when an ulcer erupted in the intestines. An ulcer erupted, and then naturally there was no question of eating.... But I have noticed how those things, the so-called

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catastrophes or calamities or mishaps or difficulties or ... how they all come JUST at the right moment to help you -- JUST when it's needed to help you.... You see, everything in the physical nature that still belonged to the old world and its habit and ways of doing and being and acting, all that couldn't be (handled [[Throughout the Agenda, words Mother originally spoke in English are italicized. ]] is the word), it couldn't be handled in any other way than this: by illness.

The doctors were quite concerned about the intestinal ulcer. If it had perforated, it would have been very, very serious -- the ordinary recourse is an operation, so.... The doctors were quite concerned. But they didn't show anything, I didn't know about it -- I found out about the ulcer only when it was healed (I mean when it was in the process of healing).

It certainly was interesting.

But personally, even physically I kept a contact with everyone -- I don't know who remained conscious of it, but I kept a contact with everyone, especially with you; with you I had the feeling that nothing stopped, that I was seeing you regularly, that nothing stopped. And I saw Sujata too. It all depends on people's receptivity. I didn't have the slightest feeling there was a break in our relationship or anything of that kind -- not the slightest. And it's only ... well, it's only the day before yesterday that I thought, "Oh, it must be time for the Bulletin, perhaps I should find out what he's done...." And then there was that note of Z's ... (what shall I say?) it came as the result of something, and it was also the beginning of something, in a most definite manner. I didn't know, and Z was there at the time cleaning the room, so I told her, and after telling her, I thought perhaps it could be used.

I don't know how she noted it down, whether it makes sense....

Yes, it makes sense.

You found it comprehensible?

Yes. You were saying that the whole functioning of sight and

hearing had probably been suppressed so that you may be con

scious of things directly, without using the sense organs.

Yes, but that note is already ancient history, because I have started to see again, but in another way. I have started to see and hear again.

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In essence, you see and hear according to what is necessary.

Oh, yes, exactly, that's quite true! It's quite true. I hear what's necessary for me to hear, even if it's a very faint sound, but all the sounds of conversation, all the things that make a lot of noise, I don't hear at all! ... Something is changed. Only it's old -- it's old, I mean, it has an old habit pattern. Although fortunately I was never a creature of habit.... Yes (smiling), you could say: it's as if something quite tough was in the process of changing! So it lacks suppleness, ease. But the change is there -- the change is definite. I have changed VERY MUCH, even in character, in comprehension, in the vision of things -- very, very much. There's been a whole rearrangement.

But, I didn't know whether that note could be used in a way for people to understand.

Yes, Mother, it's possible by adding what you've just said today.

You think something can be done?

Yes, Mother.

All right then. It's just that people should not be left hanging like that: all of a sudden, nothing. Afterwards you're so far ahead that they are completely lost. I just thought perhaps you could do something -- it doesn't have to be long.

I am happy you felt my presence because it was something quite obvious for me.... And what about you? Are you all right?

Yes, Mother, I am very well.

Health?

Yes, yes, Mother.

Did your mother come?

Yes, she's here.

She is happy?

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Yes, very happy.

How long is she going to stay?

Till the end of the month.

Then I'll see her before she leaves.

Oh, Mother, there are so many people you should see before her!

Anyhow, one thing is that I feel freed from all rules and obligations! (general laughter) That was the chief result of all that. All the "you have to do this, you have to do that," gone!

Well, certainly the principle of the new consciousness is that

things are done exactly when they are necessary, and that's

that.

Yes, absolutely.

There isn't any planning and anticipation.

Yes, that's it.

(Mother sits looking)

The world is in a dreadful state.

Yet, I've never felt the turning point so close as I do now.

Yes, yes, that's absolutely right. Exactly.

I have the feeling it's very close.

Yes, yes, very close.

So, mon petit, I'll see you when you think it's necessary.

I could read you what I am going to prepare for the Bulletin.

Today is Saturday ... whenever you like.

When will it be ready?

It can be ready tomorrow, Mother.

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Then come tomorrow, it's better for the Press. I am happy to see you....

(Mother takes Satprem's hands)

Do you (turning to Sujata) know I was with you all the time? Do you know that?

(Mother touches with her finger the tip of Sujata's nose.)

Oh! ...

(Mother remains looking at Sujata

for a while, then resumes)

For an entire period I was absolutely inaccessible because I was in constant pain, so I was just useless -- it was absolutely continuous. You could say I was just a cry all the time. It lasted a long time. It lasted several weeks (I didn't keep track). Then, gradually, it alternated with moments of peace when the pain in the leg subsided. And for the last two or three days, it seems to be recovering.... You know, it was such a ... it was the whole problem of the world -- a world that was nothing but pain and suffering, and a great question mark: why?

I tried every possible remedy: changing pain into pleasure, suppressing the capacity to feel, thinking about something else.... I tried all the "tricks" -- not a single one worked. There is something in the physical world as it is which is not ... (how can I put it?) which still is not open to the Divine Vibration. And that "something" is what causes absolutely all the trouble.... The Divine Consciousness is not perceived. And so there are lots of imaginary things (but very real to the sensation) that exist, while that, the only thing that's true, is not perceived. But it's better now. It's better.

It's really interesting. I think something has been achieved from a general standpoint (Mother makes a grinding gesture); it wasn't just the difficulty of one body or one person: I think something was achieved in terms of preparing Matter to receive in the right way, correctly -- it's as if it had been received incorrectly before, and it has learned to receive in the true way.

It will come. I don't know whether it will take months or years for the thing to become ... clear. Then it can be cured.

So, au revoir, mon petit, I am very happy to see you again, very happy.

And you, mon petit (turning to Sujata), I have the feeling I literally saw you: I saw you every day and asked you to do things for me.

I was there constantly, Mother.

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Yes, I absolutely had the feeling ... as if I were saying, "Here, give me that, do this... " Very interesting. You're a very dear child.

(As Satprem is about to leave, Mother's

assistant hands him a note written by Mother)

I don't remember what it is.

It's a message you gave for the radio.

Yes, it was for the radio station here, they had asked me for it.

(Satprem reads)

"We want to be messengers of Light and Truth.
A future of harmony awaits to be announced to
the world."

Yes, that's good!

They have broadcast it. (Laughing) The first thing they did was to send it to Delhi. Instead of broadcasting it here, they sent it to Delhi. They made such a fuss about it. But it's good, it gives people courage.

Yes, Mother, I don't know, but personally I have a strong feel

ing that it's very close.

Yes.

Yes, you're right. You're right. I think one would have to be quite blind not to see it. It's that close.

Au revoir, Mother.

I'll see you tomorrow, mon petit.

(Mother caresses Sujata)

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MOTHER'S AGENDA

Vol. 12

Contents

January 16, 1971