May 17, 1964

(From Satprem to Sujata)

St-Pierre

Of course, Nature is wonderful, the sea is so beautiful, the climate delightful, but ultimately, when I close my eyes and meditate, I feel something fuller and more solid than all the degrees centigrade on a pearly sea. In reality, I spend my days waiting for my hours of japa-meditation, it is the real open sea, the peace that refreshes. It is something, and if it is nothing, it's a nothing that is worth everything. Yet there is no progress of consciousness, I don't see anything, least of all you - you tell me that you know the reason, I would really like to know what it is. I cannot understand why I am so blocked (my Western atavism?). I know the Light, I see the Space, I feel the Force, there is the absolute Truth that rules everything, pacifies everything, but inside there is nothing, not even the tip of your nose - why? I don't see Mother either, it's complete blackout. Inside, there is the Light, without a doubt, but why is it all black outside? - No communication between the two. Do you make sense of it? Drat!

S.

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