December 25, 1965

(About Satprem's mother, who has donated money to the Ashram:)

Is it your money?

No, she has given all her goods to her children and there is a part that was supposed to be for me, but it's hers, so it's just as well in your hands. She says she is "ventilating herself."

But it's true, you know. It's a very spontaneously true feeling in the being: you feel increased by what you give.

As long as I felt people were giving to me, as a person, there was a shrinking, but now there's an absolutely concrete sensation (Mother makes a circular motion going through her): it circulates, circulates.... So now, there is the joy of the thing, because it circulates, nothing remains.

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But she is sweet, your mother.... She is going to have the joy of her soul. You know, there is a joy in being more conscious of one's soul than of the material world - you may keep yourself busy, you may see clearly, you may understand, you may do what you have to do, all that remains, it's very fine, but, behind, there is ... a Light. A light, something warm, warm with a luminous, golden warmth. It's really the sense of immortality, of something that doesn't depend on a form or on circumstances. It's a consciousness in which one instantly has the feeling that there was no beginning, there is no end.... And a sort of very strong sweetness, very strong, behind everything. It takes you through life; even all the difficulties don't matter when you have caught hold of that. It's something very intimate, which expresses itself with difficulty, but which is like a support, something that holds you up always, in any circumstances.

That's what your mother will have.

She must be living it, maybe unknowingly; she must already have it a little, a beginning.

But when one has it consciously, then ... then, in reality, circumstances don't matter much.

And this money has arrived at a wonderfully appropriate time, as always!

***

(Then Mother takes up the "Comments on the Aphorisms" for the next Bulletin.)

113 - Hatred is the sign of a secret attraction that is

eager to flee from itself and furious to deny its own

existence. That too is God's play in His creature.

It corresponds to a sort of vibration - the vibration received from people who hate. It's a vibration which is, so to say, fundamentally the same as the vibration of love. At its very bottom, there is the same sensation. Although on the surface it's the opposite, it is supported by the same vibration. And we could say that we are just as much the slaves of what we hate as of what we love - maybe even more. It's something that keeps hold of you, that obsesses you and which you cherish; a sensation you cherish, because beneath its violence there is a warmth of attraction as great as that which you feel for what you love. And it seems it's only in the activity of the manifestation, that is to say, quite on the

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 surface, that there is this distorted appearance.

You are obsessed by what you hate still more than by what you love. And the obsession stems from that inner vibration.

All these "feelings" (what can we call them?) have a vibratory mode, with something very essential at their core and kinds of layers covering it; so the most central vibration is identical, and it's as it "inflates" to express itself that it gets distorted. For love it's perfectly obvious; in the vast majority of cases it becomes outwardly something with a wholly different nature from the inner vibration, because it's something turning in on itself, shriveling up and trying to pull to itself in an egoistic movement of possession. You WANT to be loved. You say, "I love this person," but at the same time there is what you want, and the lived feeling is, "I want to be loved." And so that's almost as great a distortion as the distortion of hatred, which consists in wanting to destroy what you love in order not to be tied down. Because you cannot obtain what you want from the object of your love, you want to destroy it in order to be freed; and in the other case, you shrivel up almost in an inner fury because you cannot obtain, you cannot gobble up what you love. (Laughing) In actual fact, from the standpoint of the deeper truth, there isn't much difference!

It's only when the central vibration remains pure and is expressed in its original purity, which is a spreading out (what can I call it?... It's something radiating out, a vibration spreading out in a glory, a vibration blossoming out, yes, a radiant blossoming out), then it remains true. And materially it's expressed by self-giving, self-forgetfulness, the generosity of the soul. And that's the only true movement. But what people are used to calling "love" is as removed from the central vibration of true Love as hatred; only, the one turns in on itself, shrivels up and hardens, while the other strikes - that's what makes the whole difference.

And this isn't seen with ideas: it's seen with vibrations. It's very interesting.

In fact, I've had to study this quite a bit lately (!) I've had the opportunity to see these vibrations: the outward results may be deplorable, from a practical viewpoint they may be detestable, meaning that this sort of vibration [of hatred] encourages the need to harm, to destroy; but from the standpoint of the deeper truth, it's not a much greater distortion than the other ["love"], it's just of a more aggressive nature - hardly even that.

But if you follow the experience farther and deeper, if you concentrate on this vibration, you realize it is the original Vibration

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of the creation and that this Vibration is what has been transformed, distorted in everything that is. So then, there is a sort of understanding warmth (we can't exactly call it "sweetness," but it's a sweetness that would be strong), an understanding warmth in which there is as much smile as sorrow - much more smile than sorrow.... It's not to legitimize the distortion, but it's mostly a reaction against the choice that human mentality (and especially human morality) has made between one particular type of distortion and another. There is a whole series of distortions that have been labeled "bad" and there is a whole series of distortions towards which people are full of leniency, almost compliments. And yet, from the essential standpoint, this distortion is hardly better than that distortion - it's a question of choice.

Ultimately, what's necessary would be first to perceive THE central Vibration, then to appreciate its UNIQUE and marvelous quality to such a point that you automatically and spontaneously move away from all distortions, whether virtuous distortions or evil distortions.

We always come back to the same thing, there is only one solution: to reach the truth of things and cling to it - that essential truth, the truth of essential Love, and cling to it.

***

Soon afterwards, Mother remarks

It's interesting: the field of experience in which I find myself is always related to the ideas that are part of the week's activity (like vibrations of hatred and this aphorism, for instance). It's interesting (!)

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