November 26, 1969

(The whole time is spent in meditation.)

Nothing to say ...

Every time I try to look at something, it goes away like this (gesture into the infinite).

(Mother goes off into meditation again)

Did you feel anything particular yesterday [at the darshan]?

I felt it wasn't quite as usual, but I don't know what.

In the morning, I had the experience of an awesome Force which came, weighing on all things. That's also what others felt the whole day long. A force ... most people told me, "A joyous force." But as

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 for me, when I went there [to the balcony], the difference was that the body was more conscious of ... its state of transitory uncertainty.

(Mother goes off again)

I am almost as if forbidden to speak.

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