In these hard days, the whole country is like a dependent at our doors, I have thirty crores of brothers and sisters in this country many of them die of starvation, most of them are weakened by suffering and troubles and are somehow dragging on their existence. They must be helped. What do you say, will you be my wife sharing this Dharma with me?

— Sri Aurobindo

Personal and Family Life

Sri Aurobindo's most intimate friend at Baroda was Lieutenant Madhavrao Jadhav, who was associated with him in his political ideas and helped him in later years, whenever possible, in his political work. Among his other friends were Khasirao Jadhav and Keshava Rao G. Deshpande, the  latter of whom Sri Aurobindo had known at Cambridge.

Sri Aurobindo was quite indifferent to the type of house wherever he stayed. Once he stayed in an old bungalow with a tiled roof. It was so old and in such bad repair that it used to be unbearably hot in summer, and, during the months of the monsoon, rain water leaked through its broken tiles. But, as Dinendra Kumar Roy records in his Bengali book, Aurobindo Prasanga, it made no difference to Sri Aurobindo whether he lived in a palace or a hovel. Where he really dwelt, no tiles ever burned, nor did rain water leak. He was, to use an expression of the Gita, aniketah, one who had no separate dwelling of his own in the whole world. But it was different with Dinendra Kumar. What with swarms of flies by day and pitiless mosquitoes at night, burning tiles in summer and leaking roofs during the rains, the poor man was so disgusted that he damned the poky, ramshackle domicile as being worse than a rich man's stable.

Life-Style

The routine of his daily life was as follows: After morning tea Sri Aurobindo used to write poetry. He would continue up to ten o'clock. Bath was between ten and eleven o'clock and lunch was at eleven o'clock a cigar would be by his side even while he ate. Sri Aurobindo used to read journals while taking his meals. He took less of rice and more of bread. Once a day there was meat or fish.

Page - 29

There were intervals when Sri Aurobindo took to complete vegetarian diet. He was indifferent to taste. He found Marathi food too hot (with its chillies) and Gujarati food too rich in ghee. Later, he once had a dinner at B.G. Tilak's, which consisted of rice, puri, legume (dal) and vegetables. He liked it for its "Spartan simplicity".

At one time, according to the testimony of R.N. Patkar (who had been his student), Sri Aurobindo took no cooked food in the evenings but only fruit and milk. When he was absorbed in reading, he could be wholly oblivious of his surroundings. One evening his servant had brought his meal with the words. Sāb, khānā rakhā hai (Master, the meal is served); Achchā (All right) was the answer. But an hour later, the servant found that the master was still reading, the dishes on the table being untouched!

Some more points from a statement of R.N. Patkar are reproduced here to give an idea of Sri Aurobindo's life at Baroda:

... When I came to Baroda—I was a school-going lad hardly sixteen in age and as such I cannot be expected to give a detailed account of [Sri Aurobindo's] life during this short period. However I note down as few points that struck me and made a vivid impression on me....

He was remarkably simple in his mode of living. He was not at all fastidious in his tastes. He did not seem to care much either for his food or dress, because he never attached any importance to either. Any dish served to him at his meal time was welcome to him. Similarly about his dress -I never saw him visiting the cloth market for making selection of cloth for his dress as he had no choice to make. At home he was clad in plain white sadara and dhoti and outside invariably in white drill suits. He never slept on a soft cotton-bed, as most of us do, but on a bed made of coir (coconut fibres) on which was spread a Malbar grassmat which served as a bed-sheet. Once I asked him why he used such a coarse hard bed and he said with his characteristic laugh, "My boy, don't you know that I am a

Page - 30

Brahmachari? Our shastras enjoin that a Brahmachari should not use a soft bed, which may induce him to sleep." I was silenced but I thought to myself that he must be a great man....

Sri Aurobindo learnt both Marathi and Gujarati at Baroda. He also learnt a dialect of Marathi called Mori from a pundit. He had an aptitude for picking up languages with an amazing ease and rapidity. He learnt Bengali himself, and learnt it so well as to be able to read the poetry of Michael Madhusudan Dutt and the novels of Bankim Chandra Chatterji; and both of these authors are anything but easy. "Bengali was not a subject for the competitive examination for the I.C.S. It was after he had passed the competitive examination that Sri Aurobindo as a probationer who had chosen Bengal as his province began to learn Bengali. The course of study provided was a very poor one: his teacher, a retired English Judge from Bengal, was not very competent...." It is rather amusing to note that one day when Sri Aurobindo asked his teacher to explain to him a passage from Bankim Chandra Chatterji, he looked at the passage and remarked with the comic cocksureness of shallow knowledge: "But this is not Bengali!" Sri Aurobindo learnt Sanskrit himself without any help from anybody. He did not learn Sanskrit through Bengali, but direct in Sanskrit or through English. But the marvel is that he mastered it as thoroughly and entered as deeply into its spirit and genius as he had done in the case of Greek and Latin. He "never studied Hindi, but his acquaintance with Sanskrit and other Indian languages made it easy for him to pick up Hindi without any regular study and to understand it when he read Hindi books or news-papers."

In the autumn of 1898 Sri Aurobindo managed to get Sj. Dinendra Kumar Roy as his paid tutor in order to familiarise himself with spoken Bengali. Roy came to Baroda after the Puja holidays. As already stated, Sri Aurobindo had commenced learning Bengali while at Cambridge, and he read many authors during his stay at Baroda. He wanted

Page - 31

to make himself familiar with the growth of Bengali literature, to understand the idiom of the spoken language and to learn to speak it. Dinendra Roy tried to learn French and German from Sri Aurobindo. The study that Sri Aurobindo did with Roy was not of the nature of regular lessons, but was more of an informal arrangement. It happened at times that he would read and converse for a day and then for days there would be no learning at all.

It is to the Bengali tutor, Dinendra Kumar Roy, that we owe some particulars regarding Sri Aurobindo's everyday life at Baroda. After all, they lived together on terms of friendly companionship, and the tutor had every opportunity of observing and forming an opinion of Sri Aurobindo's life in action. "Desireless, a man of few words, balanced in his diet, self-controlled, always given to study"; reading far into the night, and hence a late riser.

"Aurobindo talked very little, perhaps because he believed it better to speak as little as possible about oneself." "It was as if acquiring knowledge was his sole mission in life." "Aurobindo is not a man of this earth, he is a god come down from heaven by some curse."

Those his friends and relations, his colleagues and pupils who came into close contact with him, at least some of them, were conscious also of the power behind the person, the fire that seemed to bum within, the light that shone in the eyes. The late Dr. C.R. Reddy, who succeeded Sri Aurobindo as Vice-Principal of the Baroda College, has left this on record:

"I had the honour of knowing him.... We had a number of friends in common. Mr. A.B. Clark, the Principal of the Baroda College, remarked to me, 'So you met Aurobindo Ghosh. Did you notice his eyes? There is mystic fire and light in them. They penetrate into the beyond.' And he added, 'If Joan of Arc heard heavenly voices, Aurobindo probably sees heavenly visions.' dark was a materialist of materialists. I have never been able to understand how that worldly but delightful person could have glimpsed the

Page - 32

truth, then latent, about Aurobindo. But, then, does not the lightning's blinding flash, which lasts but a moment, leap forth from the dark black bosom of the cloud?¹

Books, books were his major preoccupation; the Bombay firms of booksellers, Thacker Spink and Radhabai Atmaram, supplied him regularly with the latest catalogues, and he then placed orders for selected books which duly arrived in bulky parcels by passenger train. His personal library thus came to include some of the latest books in English, French, German, Latin, Greek and of course all the major English poets from Chaucer to Swinburne. A cousin of Sri Aurobindo's, Basanti Devi, has given us this amusing account of his addiction to books and his habit of carrying trunkloads of them wherever he went:

"Auro Dada used to arrive with two or three trunks. We always thought they would contain costly suits and other luxury items like scents, etc. When he opened them I used to look and wonder. What is this? A few ordinary clothes and all the rest books and nothing but books! Does Auro Dada like to read all these? We all want to chat and enjoy ourselves in vacations. Does he want to spend even this time in reading these books?

"But because he liked this reading did not mean that he did not join us in our talks and chats and our merrymaking. His talk used to be full of wit and humour."

In the choice of books, Sri Aurobindo seems to have had a natural partiality for literature (especially poetry), history and even some politics, but not for philosophy. He was not attracted to metaphysics, and he found the disputes of dialectical ratiocination too abstract, abstruse and generally inconclusive. Before coming to Baroda, he had read something of Plato, as well as Epictetus and the Lucretian statement of the ideas of Epicurus. Only such philosophical ideas as could be made dynamic for life interested him.

¹ From Dr. C.R. Reddy's citation before the Andhra University Convocation (11 December 1948) on the occasion of the award in absentia of the National Prize in Humanities to Sri Aurobindo.

Page - 33

Beyond a nodding acquaintance with the broad ideas of certain European philosophers, he had no interest in the highways and byways of Western philosophical thought. Of the Indian philosophers also he had read only some of their main conclusions. Actually, his first real acquaintance with Indian spirituality was through the reported sayings of Ramakrishna Paramahamsa and the speeches and writings of Swami Vivekananda. Sri Aurobindo had certainly an immense admiration for Vivekananda and a still deeper feeling for Ramakrishna.

Sri Aurobindo seems to have been equally indifferent to money as to personal comforts, food or clothes. Mr. Patkar's report on this point is worth quoting, as it gives a hint of the shape of things to come:

"It was his practice to receive his salary once in three months. In those days, payment was made in cash and not in currency notes as now. He used to get the lump sum for the three months in a bag which he emptied in a large tray lying on the table in his room. He never bothered to keep it in a safe box, under lock and key.... He never cared to keep an account of what he spent. This struck me and one day I casually asked him why he kept his money like that. He simply laughed.... He said, 'Well, it is a proof that we are living in the midst of honest and good people.' I asked him again, 'You never keep any account which may testify to the honesty of the people round about you?' Then with a serene face he said, 'It is God who keeps an account for me. He gives me as much as I want and keeps the rest to Himself. At any rate He does not keep me in want; then why should I worry?' "

He had always enough, and never less than enough, and never more than enough. "He was alone," writes Dinendra Kumar Roy (with reference to 1898-9, the time he spent with Sri Aurobindo), "he did not know what it was to run after pleasures, he never spent even a paisa in the wrong way, and yet at the end of the month he did not have a paisa in his hand."

Page - 34

Sarojini's education was very dear to his heart, and he used to make remittances regularly to meet the expenses of her education at Bankipore and the maintenance of their mother. His younger brother, Barindra, was also with Sarojini at the time, though later he often stayed at Baroda. Even after their return to India, Benoybhushan and Manomohan were not in a position to help the family. For this Sri Aurobindo offered a good-humoured yet disarming explanation: "Dada is in Coochbehar State service and so he has to maintain a certain high standard of living. Manomohan is married and marriage is an expensive luxury!"

The letters written by Sri Aurobindo to his family were few and are hard to find. The following letter to Sarojini shows him as an affectionate brother. It also shows that Benoybhushan did not return to India till 1894. One sees how scarce the correspondence between the brothers was.

Baroda Camp

25th August, 1894

My dear Saro,

I got your letter the day before yesterday. I have been trying hard to write to you for the last three weeks, but have hitherto failed. Today I am making a huge effort and hope to put the letter in the post before nightfall. As I am now invigorated by three days' leave, I almost think I shall succeed.

It will be, I fear, quite impossible to come to you again so early as the Puja, though if I only could, I should start tomorrow. Neither my affairs, nor my finances will admit of it. Indeed it was a great mistake for me to go at all; for it has made Baroda quite intolerable to me. There is an old story about Judas Iscariot, which suits me down to the ground. Judas, after betraying Christ, hanged himself and went to Hell where he was honoured with the hottest oven in the whole establishment. Here he must burn for ever and ever; but in his life he had done one kind act and for

Page - 35

this they permitted him by special mercy of God to cool himself for an hour every Christmas on an iceberg in the North Pole. Now this has always seemed to me not mercy, but a peculiar refinement of cruelty. For how could Hell fail to be ten times more Hell to the poor wretch after the delicious coolness of his iceberg? I do not know for what enormous crime I have been condemned to Baroda, but my case is just parallel. Since my pleasant sojourn with you at Baidyanath, Baroda seems a hundred times more Baroda.

I dare say Beno may write to you three or four days before he leaves England. But you must think yourself lucky if he does as much as that. Most likely the first you hear of him will be a telegram from Calcutta. Certainly he has not written to me. I never expected and should be afraid to get a letter. It would be such a shocking surprise that I should certainly be able to do nothing but roll on the floor and gasp for breath for the next two or three hours. No, the favours of the Gods are too awful to be coveted. I dare say he will have energy enough to hand over your letter to Mano as they must be seeing each other almost daily. You must give Mano a little time before he answers you. He too is Beno's brother. Please let me have Beno's address as I don't know where to send a letter I have ready for him. Will you also let me have the name of Bari's English Composition Book and its compiler? I want such a book badly, as this will be useful for me not only in Bengalee but in Gujerati. There are no convenient books like that here.

You say in your letter "all here are quite well"; yet in the very next sentence I read "Bari has an attack of fever". Do you mean then that Bari is nobody? Poor Bari! That he should be excluded from the list of human beings is only right and proper, but it is a little hard that he should be denied existence altogether. I hope it is only a slight attack. I am quite well. I have brought a fund of health with me from Bengal, which, I hope it will take me some time to exhaust; but I have just passed my twenty-second milestone,

Page - 36

 Sri Aurobindo during early days of Baroda Service

Page - 37

 Sarojini

Page - 38

 August 15 last, since my birthday and am beginning to get dreadfully old.

I infer from your letter that you are making great progress in English. I hope you will learn very quickly; I can then write to you quite what I want to say and just in the way I want to say it. I feel some difficulty in doing that now and I don't know whether you will understand it.

With love,

Your affectionate brother,

Auro

When, after about 7 years of service, he had become the Vice-Principal of the college, Sri Aurobindo decided to marry. He was then 29 years of age. He had put an advertisement in a Calcutta paper that he would marry a girl of a Hindu family according to Hindu rites. He had already become a name in Calcutta.

In April 1901 Sri Aurobindo was married to Mrinalini Bose, daughter of Bhupal Chandra Bose. Her age was fourteen years (birthday 6 March 1888). Sri Aurobindo had had many prospective offers from which he selected Mrinalini. Principal Girish Chandra Bose, a friend of Bhupal Chandra Bose, arranged the match. The marriage took place at Baithakkhana Road, Calcutta, in one of the houses belonging to the Dutt family of Hatkhola. As Sri Aurobindo had gone to England the question of purificatory rites was raised. Sri Aurobindo flatly refused, even as his father Dr. K.D. Ghose had in his day. At last there was a proposal of shaving the head. When that too was turned down "an obliging Brahmin priest satisfied all the requirements of the Shastra for a monetary consideration!"

After marriage the couple went to Deoghar, and from there to Naini Tal, his sister Sarojini also accompanying them; they reached Naini Tal on 29 May and remained for a month amidst those utterly beautiful and gorgeous Kumaon ranges of hills, with the Himalayas looming immense behind. The Maharaja of Baroda was at Naini Tal

Page - 39

The house at Nainital where Sri Aurobindo stayed with his wife in 1901

Page - 41

too, but left for Baroda earlier. By the beginning of July, Sri Aurobindo returned to Baroda with his wife and sister, and Barin also soon joined them.

It is difficult, almost impossible, to reconstruct the story of Sri Aurobindo's marriage and married life. The scanty external facts that we happen to know do not seem to tell the whole story: they even give a confused, or perversely blurred, picture. Mrinalini came to Sri Aurobindo as a beautiful girl, steeped in the Hindu tradition of unswerving wifely devotion to one's husband and willing and eager to play her appointed role. After three or four years, they seem to have somewhat drifted apart, yet owing to no fault of either. Perhaps it was the 'generation gap' that was responsible; more probably still, it was due to the conflict of their respective preoccupations, Sri Aurobindo was getting entangled, deeper and deeper, in the meshes of politics-, especially the organisation of secret revolutionary activity, and he was also feeling drawn towards Yoga.

Sri Aurobindo started the journals Karmayogin and Dharma. Mrinalini was living with him for some time. They also passed short periods together at Deoghar with Sri Aurobindo's maternal uncle's family. The following episode took place probably at this time or it may be at another time before Sri Aurobindo's arrest. It is narrated by Mrinalini's cousin; he gives no date. Sarojini and Mrinalini could not get on well together. It was Sarojini who used to pick quarrels with Mrinalini over trifles. Mrinalini would complain to Sri Aurobindo about Sarojini's bad temper, but each time his advice would be, "Endure, endure", which did not please her much. She wanted that at least for once Sarojini should be administered a mild rebuke, but entreaties went unheeded. At last Mrinalini told Sri Aurobindo in a Firm tone that unless he did something she would refuse to do any household chores. Now Sri Aurobindo had to act. Fixing his gaze upon Mrinalini he said, "Look here, do you think anybody's conduct can be changed in the way you want it? If I rebuke you or Sarojini,

Page - 42

will it immediately make either of you give up your defects? Rather, instead of the peace you are asking for, it will have quite the opposite effect. I have told you to endure. If you follow sincerely the path advised by me, you will see that everything will move on peacefully as if by magic, after a few days." From then, as Mrinalini reported, there was no discord in their dealing with each other. Their domestic life took a sudden turn for the better without their knowing. Of course Mrinalini resolved to follow Sri Aurobindo's advice.

When Sri Aurobindo took the plunge into politics after 1906, he gave up the security of the Baroda job, and invited the rigours of privation, persecution and incarceration, Mrinalini's unease only deepened all the more. For a girl, it is always a cross between glory and penance to marry a man of genius; and Sri Aurobindo was more than a man of genius. He was afflicted with Divine madnesses; he was verily a descended god! But a god is to be worshipped from a distance, not viewed from close quarters; and Mrinalini often felt ill at ease. Both at Baroda and later at Calcutta, she tried with Sarojini's assistance to hold the home-front with a brave face. Sometimes, for a change, she lived with her parents. Long letters passed between husband and wife, and some of these letters are now among the classics of Bengali epistolary art. Mrinalini thus wandered between two worlds, and she wasn't quite at home in either; and she didn't know where and how and when she could find her peace. She was "destined to suffer for marrying a genius", writes R.R. Diwakar; "she had rarely the privilege of living with her husband for long, though their relations were most cordial and full of affection from the beginning to the end.... She was a high-souled woman of great devotion and piety, and by her dignity made suffering itself a step towards a higher life".

However, there were a few short interludes of sweetness like oases in a desert.

For instance, when Sri Aurobindo had once returned to

Page - 43

Calcutta from political tours in the mofussils with a virulent attack of malaria he stayed with Bhupalbabu and was nursed by Mrinalini. Here is what her cousin says about it:

"Nursing and service of the sick was Mrinalini's forte. She poured all her heart into it and those who were blessed with her ministration could never forget the care and solicitude she had bestowed upon them.

"I remember how Mrinalini served him during his illness sitting by his bed-side, she would fan him, gently massage his head and feet. She would herself prepare his diet. At other times, when he was absorbed in writing, Mrinalini would wait till he had finished his work. She would attend to his ablutions, serve his meals or tea at the appointed time. Her father would procure cauliflowers and other vegetables of Sri Aurobindo's preference, from special markets and her mother herself would cook dishes for him. Sri Aurobindo would relish every bit of the various dishes. It pleased Bhupalbabu immensely to see him enjoying the meal to the last morsel and remark that it was a matter of great joy to feed such people."

Poor Sri Aurobindo! During his long stay in Baroda he was utterly deprived of good cooking. .

During the brief period of Sri Aurobindo's hectic political life, his wife and sister were even more often left alone than at Baroda, and the year following the Muzzaferpore out- rage the long months of trial and prison-life at Alipur — must have proved particularly excruciating.

There came the rude shock on the night of Sri Aurobindo's arrest, the last day when Sri Aurobindo and Mrinalini were living together in Grey Street, Calcutta. While relating that nightmarish event afterwards to her young cousin, Mrinalini's voice used to get choked and her eyes fill with tears. She said:

"One night we were in deep sleep. Suddenly in the early morning there were loud knocks at the door. I got up quickly and opened the door to see a sergeant¹ pointing a

¹It was the Police Superintendent, in fact.

Page - 44

pistol at me and asking me to show where Sri Aurobindo was. He was sleeping. Dumbfounded I pointed towards him. The entire house was filled with a posse of the police. I was then asked to move to the next room. Sri Aurobindo was sleeping on a rug spread on the floor. I heard the police telling him: 'Are you Mr. Ghosh? An educated person like you sleeping on such a bed and leading such a dirty life? It is most shameful.' To which he retorted, 'What is shameful to you is a thing of honour to us. For us Hindus, such a life is a symbol of renunciation as well as an ideal.' The sergeant could only give him a hard stare. At last he broke open my box and with gusto caught hold of some letters written to me by Mr. Ghosh.

"I had collected some soil from Dakshineswar and kept it in a vessel. When the police discovered it, there was such a mad dance! I couldn't understand what made them so ecstatic as if they had discovered America. I learnt later on that they had thought it to be material for making a bomb.

"What happened next is beyond a woman's delicate nature to describe. The sergeant asked Mr. Ghosh to follow him; he wouldn't allow him even to use the bathroom. Mr. Ghosh asked, 'Where have I to go?' 'To Lalbazar'¹, he replied. Then they tied a rope around his waist. Seeing this I lost all control and felt like falling upon them and snatching him away from the police's clutch, but checked myself somehow. I tried to call God, but couldn't, as I had lost faith in Him. If He was present, I thought, how could He allow such savage treatment to a guiltless soul? But all my prayer was of no avail. The police took him away to the van. What happened next I didn't know. When I regained my senses, I found myself in the house of Mr. K.K. Mitra, a relative of Mr. Ghosh."

"Since then a period of intense darkness descended upon Mrinalini's life," writes her cousin. "Aimless and bewildered she didn't know what to do, where to go. One day she was talking to me about this critical phase, 'I couldn't call

¹A Police station.

Page - 45

even God. How could I? I had no other God except my husband. I have seen God's manifestation in him alone. When he spoke I felt as if a distant bodiless sound was coming out of his mouth. When he looked at me, I felt as if two dreamy eyes were pouring their effulgent rays on my body. When such an unearthly person was snatched away from my world, I felt that death alone was my resort without him. But still death did not come. At that moment Sudhira¹came and clasped me.' Henceforth Mrinalini began to frequent the Ramakrishna Ashram, escorted by Sudhira."

Anxious about her disturbed mental condition, Sudhira introduced Mrinalini to Sarada Mata, Sri Ramakrishna's wife, and prayed for her help. She listened quietly and said, "My daughter, don't be disturbed. Your husband is under the full protection of God. With Thakur Ramakrishna's blessings he will soon be proved innocent. But he will not lead a worldly life." Then she advised Mrinalini to read Sri Ramakrishna's books and visit her now and then. On coming to know that she had received spiritual solace and initiation from Sarada Devi (of Dakshineshwar), Sri Aurobindo felt glad that his wife "had found so great a spiritual refuge".

After this, according to Mrinalini's cousin, her father took her away to Shillong. They used to come to Calcutta to visit Sri Aurobindo in the jail. Mrinalini always remained calm and composed.

We have a reminiscent account of Mrinalini's sojourn in Shillong from Ila Devi, mother of Dr. Satyavrata Sen:

"I learnt about Sri Aurobindo's arrest from Minudi's young sister who was of our age. He became the topic of the day. Minudi used to hear the talks but never lost her composure. She was leading a very simple life and eating simple food, avoiding meat and fish. They had a lovely garden from which she would pick flowers in the early morning and enter her Puja House (House of the Deity)

¹Mrinalini's life-long friend since school-days.

Page - 46

and spend many hours there. It was kept beautifully decorated with pictures of Kali, Sri Ramakrishna, Vivekananda and Sarada Mata. Two small pictures of Vivekananda and Sri Aurobindo were placed on either side of a shelf. One day I entered the room after she had left and I saw flowers offered at Sri Aurobindo's feet and incense burning by the side."

When Sri Aurobindo left, in the early months of 1910, first for Chandernagore and from there for Pondicherry, she was living elsewhere in Calcutta. She and her people knew nothing about his whereabouts. Only after he had reached Pondicherry, they got the news. Naturally their anxiety was in the extreme. Then Mrinalini was taken back to Shillong by her father.

Now begins the most crucial chapter of her life a life of austere tapasya for 8 long years. Outwardly her marriage had come to an end, but the inner bond continued and became more intense. What Sri Aurobindo wanted her to do when he was near, but she could not, now the painful separation induced her to pursue. A true Hindu wife, she embraced the ideal of the Godward life indicated by her husband. But her God was Sri Aurobindo. He was the Alpha and Omega of her existence. Meditating on him and trying to live in his consciousness brought about a radical change in her life. Eventually she united herself in death with her Lord.

There are two accounts of her life in Shillong at that period, one by her young sister and the other by her young cousin who was very fond of her; the accounts are complementary to each other. Here is the sister's account:

"Every early morning, after her bath she would pluck flowers from the garden. She would look incomparably beautiful amidst countless flowers of all varieties of colour. She would then enter the Puja House and pass hours in meditation. After that, she would attend to the usual chores and spend the rest of the day in the study of religious books, mostly of Vivekananda and Sri Ramakrishna.

Page - 47

 In the evening, she shut herself up for hours again in the Meditation Room. At times, at the request of her parents and friends she would take up the harmonium and sing devotional songs composed by Tagore and others.

"She was always simply but neatly dressed and looked like a Yogini. In the matter of food, meat, fish and sweets were excluded from her diet. Only at the request of her parents she would waive this austere rule.

"Letters from Sri Aurobindo arrived at long intervals addressed to her as Mrs. Ghosh. That would revive her spirit for a few days. But never did she seek sympathy or open her heart to anyone except her mother and Sudhira. My cousin who had gone to Pondicherry wrote to us that Sri Aurobindo was plunged deep in yoga. Sri Aurobindo asked Mrinalini to follow the same path. She began the practice according to the directions given by Sri Aurobindo. We hoped for a long time that he would return to Bengal when the political situation had eased. But it was a vain hope, for it was feared that he would be arrested as soon as he set his foot on Indian soil. My father tried hard to take Mrinalini to Pondicherry, but the Government refused permission."

Now let us read the other account. The cousin writes:

"During these last 8 years, occasional letters from Sri Aurobindo were her only solace and support. Shillong was a hilly place, one of the loveliest spots of Nature. Mrinalini would wander about in the garden in her leisure time. One day I asked her, 'Didi, you seem to love flowers best of all!' She replied, 'You know, your Gurudev was like a flower. I used to smell the fragrance of flowers in his presence." [The Mother also has said that a lotus-fragrance used to emanate from Sri Aurobindo's body.] One evening meandering through a pine wood, Mrinalini sat upon a hillock. From there, the range of hill-tops beyond was exposed to view, clear like an enormous picture. Looking at the beautiful scene, Mrinalini fell into a meditative mood. I also enjoyed the charm of the place, but since her meditation lasted too

Page - 48

long I got fidgety. When she opened her eyes, I asked her, 'Didi, there is so much beauty all around us and you pass the entire period in darkness!' She answered, 'Silly boy, you don't know that this infinite splendour helps me to plunge into the source of its beauty. You were annoyed perhaps! You know, in your Gurudev's heart is a heavenly city many times more beautiful than this outer beauty.' I have alluded to her love flowing towards all. During her stay in Calcutta all followers of Sri Aurobindo had her touch of love and care. Sudhir Sarkar, when he used to go on secret missions incognito, would relate with tears how Mrinalini used to dress him with Sri Aurobindo's suits.

"She had a strong attraction for the English language and wanted to improve her knowledge of it. With this object she began to coach me which was a great blessing indeed to me. She used to correct our pronunciation, and teach us how to read and articulate properly. One day I asked her, 'Didi, tell me why you are taking so much trouble to teach me English. What do you gain by it?' A bit irked, she replied, 'Leave those wise talks. Tell me, aren't you profiting by it and am I not gaining too? Do you know that your Gurudev's mother tongue 'is English?' 'What?' I exclaimed, 'he is the son of Bengali parents!' Then she told me the whole story of his life and added, 'If I have to follow him, I must have a good knowledge of English. Do you see now, my boy, how I gain by teaching you? I receive now and then a few letters from him. One or two happen to be in English. His letters written in Bengali are so accomplished that they put our own usage to abject shame.' " Here is the sister's account about Mrinalini's death:

"At last arrived the year 1918, December. She received the call from Sri Aurobindo, saying, 'My sadhana is over. I have achieved my object, siddhi. I have a lot of work to do for the world. You can come now and be my companion in this work.' This naturally made Mrinalini and all others extremely happy.

"Now our father thought of taking my sister to Pondicherry.

Page - 49

The Government gave permission. So they arrived in Calcutta via Ranchi. But Mrinalini Devi fell a victim to the scourge of influenza which was raging everywhere. After a week's illness she passed away on 17 December at the age of 32. The mental agony that she had kept suppressed for years exploded during the illness in her delirium, particularly the frightful nightmarish scene of Sri Aurobindo's arrest.

"There was a mention in her horoscope that her 32nd year would be critical. Sri Aurobindo knew it and wanted us to remind him about it when she would be 32. But all of us forgot except my mother. She was at that time in Ranchi. Hearing about the illness she hastened to Calcutta but Mrinalini Devi passed away within half an hour of her arrival. When she learnt that we had not informed Sri Aurobindo, a telegram was sent to him. On reading it, Sri Aurobindo said, 'Too late!' My cousin who was there at the time wrote to my mother: 'Today I saw tears in the eyes of your stone-hearted son-in-law. With the telegram in one hand, he sat still and tears were in his eyes.' Sri Aurobindo told him too that Mrinalini's soul had come to him soon after her death. Also a photo of Mrinalini Devi that was on the mantel-piece is said to have fallen.

"In the evening after Mrinalini's expiry Sudhira took my mother to Sri Sarada Devi. She was at that time in deep meditation. When she opened her eyes and saw them, she said, 'You have come? I was seeing in my vision my daughter-in-law, Mrinalini. She was a goddess born as your daughter in consequence of a curse. Now that her karma is exhausted her soul has departed.' She often used to enquire after her health."

Page - 50

historical fame and her name certainly falls in line with them. Mrinalini's soul chose this destiny to hold up an example of an ideal Hindu wife in this materialistic age.

In the life-history of Sri Aurobindo, Mrinalini Devi seems but to play a minor role: but so does Urmila, Lakshmana's wife, in the Ramayana. They also serve who suffer in silence and with their silence contribute to the unfoldment of the Divine play.

Sri Aurobindo wrote to Bhupalbabu after Mrinalini's demise. Here is the letter:

Pondicherry

19 February 1919

My dear father-in-law,

I have not written to you with regard to the fatal event in both our lives; words are useless in face of the feelings it has caused, if even they can express our deepest emotions. God has seen good to lay upon me the one sorrow that could still touch me to the centre. He knows better than ourselves what is best for each of us, and now that the first sense of the irreparable has passed, I can bow with submission to His divine purpose. The physical tie between us is, as you say, severed; but the tie of affection subsists for me. Where I have once loved, I do not cease from loving. Besides, she who was the cause of it, still is near, though not visible to our physical vision.

It is needless to say much about the matters of which you write in your letter. I approve of everything that you propose. Whatever Mrinalini would have desired, should be done and I have no doubt this is what she would have approved of I consent to the chudis (gold bangles) being kept by her mother; but I should be glad if you would send me two or three of her books, especially if there are any in which her name is written. I have of her only her letters and a photograph.

Aurobindo

Page - 51

To conclude: Bhupalbabu visited the Ashram with his wife in the thirties and did pranam to the Mother and Sri Aurobindo, his son-in-law, during the Darshan. The Mother seems to have told him that Mrinalini's soul was with her. Dyuman adds that Bhupalbabu had the vision of Mrinalini in the Mother when he went to the Darshan and bowed to her and he was very much consoled.

Before we pass on to the next subject, it would be rewarding to look a little more carefully into Sri Aurobindo's letters to his wife, for they not only show that he had a clear prevision of the mission of his life, but mirror the crucial stages of spiritual development through which he was sweeping during the latter part of his stay at Baroda and the beginning of his political life in Bengal. They are, as it were, a blueprint of his whole life and, from that standpoint at least, most important.

Page - 52

ARCHIVAL NOTES

Correspondence with Mrinalini Devi

Sri Aurobindo was married to Mrinalini Bose in April 1901. In the years that followed the two often lived apart. From this separation issued the correspondence that, since being used as evidence in the Alipur Bomb Trial, has become famous. The prosecution tried to show that certain references in the letters established Sri Aurobindo's complicity in the terrorist activities of his brother Barin's secret society. The judge of the case, disagreeing with this and other contentions of the prosecution, found Sri Aurobindo innocent. Eleven letters from Sri Aurobindo to Mrinalini exist in some form. Three those dated 30 August 1905, 6 December 1907, and 17 February 1908-were published while the trial was in progress; authorised versions of their original Bengali texts were published around 1920. Six other letters (including one written in English) were first published in 1977. The manuscripts of the two letters that remain, those of 2 July 1902 and 22 October 1905, no longer exist. They are known only in the form of English translations made for use in court. Crude renderings by Bengalis in the hire of the police, these translations can only suggest and that badly what the originals must have been like. Happily, the valuable biographical and historical material the letters contain comes through without much distortion in the translations. For this reason the English versions have been reproduced in the present issue. It would of course not be possible to print them as "texts". They have been published as the first and second of the Documents in the Life of Sri Aurobindo.

The first letter was written after Sri Aurobindo returned to Baroda from the west Indian hill resort of Lanabali (usually spelled Lonavala). He had gone there to attend on his employer, the Maharaja of Baroda. The letter is remarkable

Page - 53

 mainly for showing Sri Aurobindo's interest in astrology, which, at this period of his life, was profound. Around this time he went through and made notes on a large Sanskrit and Bengali astrological tome entitled Horajivan Rahasyam, by Narayan Chandra Jyotirbhusan Bhattacharya. Sri Aurobindo seems also to have met this prominent astrologer, for he once referred in a letter to "Narayan Jyotishi, a Calcutta astrologer, who predicted, not knowing then who I was, in the days before my name was politically known, my struggle with Miechchha enemies and afterwards the three cases against me and my three acquittals."

The letter published as Document 2 is not dated in its available printed form. Fortunately it was spoken of in court as having been written on 22 October 1905 six days after the Partition of Bengal became an "accomplished fact". At that time Sri Aurobindo was in Baroda. He writes of his younger brother Barindra, who had already begun the work of revolutionary organisation ("the service of his country"); their sister Sarojini was involved in more mundane concerns. Sri Aurobindo's "evening prayer" (one does not know what expression was used in Bengali) refers evidently to his practice of yogic meditation, taken up seriously only two months before.

The substitution of a dash for the signature is curious, but not unprecedented. Only once in his whole correspondence with Mrinalini did Sri Aurobindo sign his name; and then, oddly, he used his full, formal appellation "Sri Aurobindo Ghose". Hindu married couples are often rather sparing in their use of personal names; but Sri Aurobindo's anonymity may have had more to do with a certain caution developed by revolutionaries when they communicate by post. Some manuscripts of Sri Aurobindo's sent from Chandernagore to Pondicherry have holes where his signature used to be.

One of Sri Aurobindo's best known letters to Mrinalini is dated 23 Scott's Lane, Calcutta, 17 Feb. 1907. It is certain

Page - 54

that the year is in error; it should be 1908. The question of the date of this letter was taken up even by the Alipur sessions judge. He concluded that 1907 was "obviously a mistake for 1908". His decision was based on two facts known to the court, which was extremely interested in Sri Aurobindo's whereabouts during 1907 and 1908. First, in February 1907 Sri Aurobindo was recovering from illness in Deoghar, hundreds of miles from Calcutta. Secondly, Sri Aurobindo did not take the house at 23 Scott's Lane before February 1908.

LETTERS TO MRINALINI*

I

c/o K.B. Jadhav, Esq.

Near Municipal Office

Baroda

25th June 1902

Dearest Mrinalini,

I was very sorry to learn of your fever. I hope since then you have begun to look after your health a little more. It is a cold place, so you must be careful not to catch cold. I am sending ten rupees today. Buy some medicine and take it daily. Don't forget. I have heard of a medicine that will cure you of your disease. You don't have to take it daily. One or two doses will cure you; but it won't be possible to take it in Assam. You'll be able to take it in Deoghur. I'll write Sarojini about what is to be done.

Sarojini is in Deoghur. Baudidi [elder brother's wife] has left Darjeeling for Calcutta. Darjeeling did not suit her. Sarojini writes to say that she will remain in Bengal until

* All these letters are translated from the Bengali except the one dated 20th August 1902, which was in English.

Page - 55

winter. Grandmother is putting a lot of pressure on her. She hopes Baudidi will be able to arrange a marriage for Sarojini. I don't think there is much hope. If Sarojini gives up her excessive demands in regard to looks and attainments, there will be some chance.

'Kencho' went to the Lonavala Hills. He called me there too. He called me because he wanted to write a document. It was written but he did not send it. At the last minute he suddenly changed his mind. Another very big and secret work came up. I had to do it. When he saw my work 'Kencho' was very satisfied and he promised to raise my salary. Who knows whether he will do it or not. 'Kencho's' word is not worth very much. But he may give the raise. It seems to me that the day of 'Kencho's' downfall is coming. All of the signs are bad.

I am staying now in Khaserao's house. When you come we will go to the "Navalakha". There probably will not be much rain this year. If there is no rain, there certainly will be a terrible famine. In that case your visit here will have to be cancelled. If you come it will only mean a lot of trouble—trouble as regards food, water and prices. It is not hot in Baroda this summer. A beautiful breeze is blowing, but this beautiful breeze has blown away the hope of rain.. Now only ten or twelve days remain. If we have good rain within ten or twelve days we may yet be saved from the stroke of a great misfortune.

I will send your photo soon. Jotin Banerji is staying with us. Today I will go to see him and select the best photo.

Give my respects to your father and your mother. You will understand all that I leave unexpressed.

Your husband

Page - 56

(2)

(A Passage from the Court Translation)

C/o Rai Bahadur

K.B. Jadhav,

Baroda.

July 2nd 1902.

Dearest Mrinalini,

... You said you have got a horoscope; send it to me. Jotin Banerjee is here and I wish to show it to him. I have faith in astrology ten years' experience confirmed. But also amongst a thousand, nine hundred know nothing about it. Few know but more make mistakes, e.g. non-performance of the coronation ceremony of the English King this year was declared several months ago causes even. If there be evil consequences then there are means of knowing them beforehand as they can be cured often. If horoscope can't be found, exact time of birth will do, but even the very minute must be correct....

Your husband

C/o K.B. Jadhav, Esq.

Near Municipal Office

Baroda

20th August 1902

Dearest Mrinalini,

I have not written to you for a long time because I have not been in very good health and had not the energy to write. I went out of Baroda to see whether change and rest would set me up, and your telegram came when I was not here. I feel much better now, and I suppose there was nothing really the matter with me except overwork. I am sorry I made you so anxious; there was no real cause to be

Page - 57

so, for you know I never get seriously ill. Only when I feel out of sorts, I find writing letters almost impossible.

The Maharajah has given me Rs.90 promotion this will raise my pay to Rs.450. In the order he has made me a lot of compliments about my powers, talent, capacity, usefulness etcetera, but also made a remark on my want of regularity and punctual habits. Besides he has shown his intention of taking the value of the Rs 90 out of me by burdening me with overwork, so I don't feel very grateful to him. He says that if convenient, my services can be utilized in the College. But I don't see how it will be convenient, just now at least; for it is nearly the end of the term. Even if I go to the College, he has asked the Dewan to use me for writing Annual Reports etc. I suppose this means that he does not want me to get my vacations. However, let us see what happens.

If I join the College now and am allowed the three months' vacation, I shall of course go to Bengal and to Assam for a short visit. I am afraid it will be impossible for you to come to Baroda just now. There has been no rain here for a month, except a short shower early this morning. The wells are all nearly dried up; the water of the Ajwa reservoir which supplies Baroda is very low and must be. quite used up by next November; the crops in the fields are all parched and withering. This means that we shall not only have famine but there will be no water for bathing and washing up, or even, perhaps for drinking. Besides if there is famine, it is practically sure that all the officers will be put on half-pay. We are hoping, rather than expecting, that there may be good rain before the end of August. But the signs are against it, and if it comes, it will only remove the water difficulty or put it off for a few months. For you to come to Baroda and endure all the troubles and sufferings of such a state of things is out of the question. You must decide for yourself whether you will stay with your father or at Deoghur. You may as well stay in Assam till October, and then if I can go to Bengal, I will take you to

Page - 58

Deoghur where you can stop for the winter at least. If I cannot come then, I will, if you like, try and make some arrangement for you to be taken there.

I am glad your father will be able to send me a cook when you come. I have got a Maratha cook, but he can prepare nothing properly except meat dishes. I don't know how to get over the difficulty about the maid-servant. Sarojini wrote something about a Mahomedan ayah, but that would never do. After being so recently readmitted to Hindu society, I cannot risk it; it is all very well for Khaserao and others whose social position is so strong that they may do almost anything they like. As soon as I see any prospect of being able to get you here, I shall try my best to arrange about a maid-servant. It is no use doing it now.

I hope you are able to read and understand this letter; if you can't, I hope it will make you more anxious to learn English than you have been up to now. I could not manage to write a Bengali letter just now—so I thought I had better write in English rather than put off writing.

Do not be too much disappointed by the delay in coming to Baroda; it cannot be avoided. I should like you to spend some time in Deoghur, if you do not mind, Assam somehow seems terribly far off; and besides I should like you to form a closer intimacy with my relatives, at least those among them whom I especially love.

Your loving husband

4

30th Aug. 1905

Dearest Mrinalini,

I have received your letter of the 24th August. I am sorry to learn that the same affliction has fallen once more upon your parents. You have not written which of the boys has passed away from here. But then what can be done if the affliction comes. This is a world in which when you seek

Page - 59

happiness you find grief in its heart, sorrow always clinging to joy. That rule touches not only the desire of children, but all worldly desires. To offer, with a quiet heart, all happiness and grief at the feet of God is the only remedy.

I read ten rupees instead of twenty and so I said I would send ten rupees. If you need fifteen rupees I will send fifteen. This month I sent money for the clothes Sarojini bought for you in Darjeeling. How was I to know that you had borrowed money to stay there? I am sending fifteen rupees you need. If you need three or four rupees I will send it next month. I will send twenty rupees at that time.

Now I will write the other thing of which I spoke before. I think you have understood by now that the man with whose fate yours has been linked is a man of a very unusual character. Mine is not the same field of action, the same purpose in life, the same mental attitude as that of the people of today in this country. I am in every respect different from them and out of the ordinary. Perhaps you know what ordinary men say of an extraordinary view, an extraordinary endeavour, an extraordinary ambition. To them it is madness; only, if the madman is successful in his work then he is called no longer a madman but a great genius. But how many are successful in their life's endeavour? Among a thousand men there are five or six who are out of the ordinary and out of the five or six one perhaps successful. Not to speak of success I have not yet even entirely entered my field of work. There is nothing then for you but to consider me mad. And it is an evil thing for a woman to fall into the hands of a mad fellow. For woman's expectations are all bound up in worldly happiness and sorrow. A madman will not make his wife happy, he can only make her miserable.

The founders of the Hindu religion understood this very well. They loved extraordinary characters, extraordinary endeavours, extraordinary ambitions. Madman or genius, they respected the extraordinary man. But all this means a terrible plight for the wife, and how could the difficulty be

Page - 60

solved? The sages fixed on this solution; they told the woman, "Know that the only mantra for womankind is this: 'The husband is the supreme guru.'¹ The wife shares the dharma of her husband. She must help him, counsel him, encourage him in whatever work he accepts as his dharma. She should regard him as her god, take joy in his joy, and feel sorrow in his unhappiness. It is for a man to choose his work; the woman's part is to give help and encouragement."

Now the point is this. Are you going to choose the path of the Hindu religion or follow the ideal of the new culture? Your marriage to a madman is the result of bad karma in your previous lives. It is good to come to terms with one's fate, but what sort of terms will they be? Will you also dismiss your husband as a madman on the strength of what other people think? A madman is bound to run after his mad ways. You cannot hold him back; his nature is stronger than yours. Will you then do nothing but sit in a corner and weep? Or will you run along with him; try to be the mad wife of this madman, like the queen of the blind king who played the part of the blind woman by putting a bandage across her eyes? For all your education in a Brahmo school you are still a woman from a Hindu home. The blood of Hindu ancestors flows in your veins. I have no doubt that you will choose the latter course.

I have three madnesses. The first one is this. I firmly believe that the accomplishments, genius, higher education and learning and wealth that God has given me are His. I have a right to spend for my own purposes only what is needed for the maintenance of the family and is otherwise absolutely essential. The rest must be returned to God. If I spend everything for myself, for my pleasure and luxury, I am a thief. The Hindu scriptures say that one who receives wealth from God and does not give it back to Him is a thief. So far I have given two annas to God and used the other

¹Here finishes Barin's translation revised lightly by, Sri Aurobindo.

Page - 61

fourteen annas for my own pleasure; this is the way I have settled the account, remaining engrossed in worldly pleasures. Half my life has been wasted—even the beast finds fulfilment in stuffing his own belly and his family's and catering to their happiness.

I have realized that I have been acting all this time as an animal and a thief. Now I realize this and I am filled with remorse and disgusted with myself. No more of all this. I renounce this sin once and for all. What does giving to God mean? It means to spend on good works. The money I gave to Usha or to Sarojini causes me no regret. To help others is a sacred duty; to give protection to those who seek refuge is a yet greater sacred duty. But the account is not settled by giving only to one's brothers and sisters. I have three hundred million brothers and sisters in this country. Many of them are dying of starvation and the majority just manage to live, racked by sorrow and suffering. They too must be helped.

What do you say, will you come along with me and share my ideal in this respect: We will eat and dress like ordinary people, buying only what is truly needed and offering the rest to God: this is what I propose to do. My purpose can be fulfilled, once you give your approval, once you are able to accept the sacrifice. You have been saying, "I have made no progress." Here I have shown you a path towards progress. Will you take this path?

My second madness has only recently seized me. It is this: by whatever means I must have the direct vision of God. Religion these days means repeating the name of God at any odd hour, praying in public, showing off how pious one is. I want nothing of this. If God exists, there must be some way to experience His existence, to meet Him face to face. However arduous this path is, I have made up my mind to follow it. The Hindu religion declares that the way lies in one's own body, in one's own mind. It has laid down the rules for following the way, and I have begun to observe them. Within a month I have realized that what

Page - 62

the Hindu religion says is not false. I am experiencing in myself the signs of which it speaks. Now I want to take you along this way. You will not be able to keep step with me, for you do not have the requisite knowledge. But there is nothing to prevent you from following behind me. All can attain perfection on this path, but to enter it depends on one's own will. Nobody can drag you on to it. If you consent to this, I shall write more about it.

My third madness is that while others look upon their country as an inert piece of matter—a few meadows and fields, forests and hills and rivers—I look upon Her as the Mother. What would a son do if a demon sat on his mother's breast and started sucking her blood? Would he quietly sit down to his dinner, amuse himself with his wife and children, or would he rush out to deliver his mother? I know I have the strength to deliver this fallen race. It is not physical strength—I am not going to fight with sword or gun—but it is the strength of knowledge. This feeling is not new in me, it is not of today. I was born with it, it is in my very marrow. God sent me to earth to accomplish this great mission. The seed began to sprout when I was fourteen; by the time I was eighteen the roots of the resolution had grown firm and unshakable. After listening to what my aunt said you formed the idea that some wicked people had dragged your simple and innocent husband on to the bad path. But it was this innocent husband of yours who brought those people and hundreds of others on to that path, be it bad or good, and will yet bring thousands of others on to that same path". I do not say that the work will be accomplished during my lifetime, but it certainly will be done.

Now I ask you, what are you going to do in this connection? The wife is the shakti, the strength of her husband. Will you be Usha's disciple and go on repeating the mantras of Sahib-worship? Will you diminish the strength of your husband by indifference or redouble it by your sympathy and encouragement? You will say, "What

Page - 63

can an ordinary woman like me do in these great matters? I have no strength of mind, no intelligence, I am afraid to think about these things." But there is an easy way out. Take refuge in God. And if you can put your trust in me, if you can listen to me alone and not to all and sundry, I can give you my own strength; that will not diminish my strength but increase it. We say that the wife is the husband's shakti, his strength. This means that the husband's strength is redoubled when he sees his own image in his wife and hears an echo of his own high aspirations in her.

Will you remain like this for ever: "I shall put on fine clothes, have nice things to eat, laugh and dance and enjoy all the pleasures"? Such an attitude cannot be called progress. At the present time the life of women in this country has taken this narrow and contemptible form. Give up all this and follow after me. We have come to this world to do God's work; let us begin it.

You have one defect in your nature. You are much too simple. You listen to anything anyone might say. Thus your mind is for ever restless, your intelligence cannot develop, you cannot concentrate on any work. This has to be corrected. You must acquire knowledge by "listening to one person only. You must have a single aim and accomplish' your work with a resolute mind. You must ignore the calumny and the ridicule of others and hold fast to your devotion.

There is another defect, not so much of your personal nature, as of the times. The times are such in Bengal that people are incapable of listening to serious things in a serious manner. Religion, philanthropy, noble aspirations, high endeavour, the deliverance of the country, all that is serious, all that is high and noble it wants to ridicule. People want to laugh everything away. At your Brahmo school, you picked up a little of this fault. Bari also had it; all of us are tainted by this defect to some extent. It has grown up in surprising measure among the people of

Page - 64

Deoghar. This attitude must be rejected with a firm mind. You will be able to do it easily. And once you get into the habit of thinking, your true nature will blossom forth. You have a natural turn towards doing good for others and towards self-sacrifice. The one thing you lack is strength of mind. You will get that through worship of God.

This is the secret of mine I wanted to tell you. Do not divulge it to anybody. Ponder calmly over these matters. There is nothing to be frightened of, but there is much to think about. To start with, you need do nothing but meditate on the Divine each day for half an hour, expressing to him an ardent desire in the form of a prayer. The mind will get prepared gradually. This is the prayer you are to make to Him: "May I not be an obstacle in the way of my husband's life, his aim, his endeavour to realize God. May I always be his helper and his instrument." Will you do this?

Yours

5

3 October 1905

Dearest,

For the last fifteen days the college examinations have been going on. Besides that a Swadeshi samiti is being established. I have been so busy with these two things that I haven't had a chance to write you. But I haven't had a letter from you for quite some time. I hope all of you are well. The college closes tomorrow. Certainly my work will continue, but I won't have to put in more than an hour a day.

I am sending twenty rupees with this letter. You may give ten rupees to the clerks of Burn Company or else you may spend it on some other good purpose. I can't understand what this Burn Company affair is all about. No clear account is given in the newspapers. Nowadays it is not an

Page - 65

easy thing to keep up this sort of strike. Almost always the poor lose, the rich win. It will be a great day for India when the Indian middle class gives up its desire for petty posts and goes into business on its own. I can't send you any more money because I have to send 60 to 70 rupees for Sarojini's Darjeeling expenses and Madhavrao has been sent abroad for some special work. Much money has to be given for the Swadeshi movement and besides that I'm trying to start another movement and I will need no end of money for that. I can't put anything away.

I have sent the Floriline. I hope you got it. Dhanji was not here, then he came but Lakshmanrao was busy with the examinations and so was I, both of us forgot. I shall send the prescription soon.

Why do you want to read the "Seeker"? It is an old poem. I knew nothing about religion then. The poem is very pessimistic. I don't know the Bengali word for "pessimistic". In Marathi they say nirashavadi. Now I have realized that pessimism is just a form of ignorance.

The other day I went over to Khaserao's. Anandrao has grown quite tall. He is going to be a big swindler.

Shri

6

[This letter, apparently written in Bengali, survives only

in the form of a court translation, which has

been transcribed verbatim.]

22 October 1905

My dearest Mrinalini,

I am in receipt of your letter. I have not written you since a long time. Do not take it amiss. Why are you so much anxious about my health. I never suffer you know, except for cough and cold. Bari is here. He is in an exceedingly bad state of health. His fever is often accompanied by complications

Page - 66

but with all his ailments, his energy never flags. He never sits quiet. As soon as he gets a little better, he goes out in the service of his country. He will never take up service. I will of course not write Sarojini about these matters, nor should you do so. She would then get mad with anxiety. I hope I will go to Calcutta in November. Then I have many things to do.

That long letter of yours gave me no reason to despair. I was rather glad. If Sarojini learns to practice self-denial like you, it will help me much in my future (plan of) work. But this is not to be. Her desire for future happiness is very strong. I know not whether she will ever be able to overcome it. God's will be done. Your letter is lost amongst a heap of papers. I will write again as soon as I have found it out. It is time for evening prayer. I stop here for the day. I am well, you should not give way to anxiety even if you do not hear from me. What ailment will overtake me (that you are afraid of)? I hope you are all quite well.

Yours

What need have you for my name.

Will not this dash do?———

7

c/o Babu Subodh Chandra Mullick

 12, Wellington Square

Calcutta

 [1905 December]

Dearest Mrinalini

I have received your letter. I was sorry to read it. I wrote you a letter from Bombay in which I expressed my intention to go to Bengal. In addition I spoke about many other important matters. I did not inform anyone else of my going to Bengal. There was no reason why I did not inform others. Now I realize that you did not receive that letter. Either it was not posted or it was lost in the post office. In

Page - 67

any case it is unfortunate that you get impatient so quickly. For I say again, you are not the wife of an ordinary worldly man. You must have a great deal of patience and strength. A time may come when you will be without news of me not for a month or a month and a half but for as much as six months. So you will have to learn a little patience; otherwise there will be endless sorrow for you in the future.

I had written about many important matters. I don't have time to write about all that again. I will write a little later. Very soon I will go to Benares. From Benares I will go to Baroda. Once I arrive I will take leave and return to Bengal. But if Clarke has not come back there will be some difficulty.

Bari is in Deoghar. He is always getting fever. If I do not get leave he may come back to Baroda.

A.G

8

2 March 1906

Dearest Mrinalini

Today I will leave for Calcutta. I was due to go long ago. The leave was sanctioned but the big men in Baroda couldn't find time to sign it, so I have lost ten days for nothing. At any rate I shall reach Calcutta on Monday. I don't know where I will stay. It may not be possible to stay at Na-mashi's.¹ I have given up fish and meat. I may not eat them again in my life. But why should Na-mashi listen to that? Besides it would not be good if I could not find a secluded place. I have to do a number of things alone for an hour and a half in the morning and an hour and a half in the evening. All that cannot be done in front of others. 12 Wellington Square was quite suitable for me, but Hem

¹ Na-mashi in Bengali means fourth maternal aunt.

Page - 68

Mallick has just died, so I can't go there now. But I will receive letters addressed to me there.

I will try to go to Assam as you ask. But once I set foot in Calcutta everyone catches hold of me. I will have a thousand things to do. I won't get time to visit my relatives. If I do go to Assam I will only be able to stay three or four days. Bari can very well bring you. I can send Ranchhod along with him. If I go, it probably won't be this month. I'll see when I get to Calcutta. Another possibility is that if Sarojini wants to go to Calcutta, Bari can take her there and I can bring her back a month later when I go. I'll fix things up when I get to Calcutta.

Sri Aurobindo Ghose

9

6th December, 1907

Dear Mrinalini,

I received your letter the day before yesterday. The shawl was sent the very same day. I do not understand why you did not get it....¹

Here [in Calcutta] I do not have a minute to spare. I am in charge of the writing; I am in charge of the Congress work; I have to settle the Bande Mataram affair. I am finding it difficult to cope with it all. Besides, I have my own work to do; that too cannot be neglected.

Will you listen to one request of mine? This is a time of great anxiety for me. There are pulls from every side that are enough to drive one mad. If at this time you also get restless, it can only increase my worry and anxiety. But if you could write encouraging and comforting letters, that would give me great strength. I should then be able to

 ¹ A passage that came here has been lost. The manuscript of the letter has disappeared. The text survives in the form of a transcription in the original Bengali made at the time of the Alipore trial and later published along with transcriptions of two other letters.

Page - 69

overcome all fears and dangers with a cheerful heart. I know it is hard for you to live alone at Deoghar. But if you keep your mind firm and have faith, your sorrows will not be able to overcome you to such an extent. As you have married me, this kind of sorrow is inevitable for you. Occasional separations cannot be avoided, for, unlike the ordinary Bengali, I cannot make the happiness of family and relatives my primary aim in life. Under these circumstances there is no way out for you except to consider my ideal as your ideal and find your happiness in the success of my appointed work. One thing more. Many of those with whom you are living at present are our elders. Do not get angry with them even if they say harsh or unfair things. And do not believe that everything they say is what they mean or is intended to hurt you. Words often come out in anger, without thought. It is no good holding on to them. If you find it absolutely impossible to stay on, I shall tell Girish Babu; your grandfather can come and stay with you while I am at the Congress.

I am going to Midnapur today. On my return I shall make the necessary arrangements here, and then proceed to Surat. That will probably be on the 15th or 16th. I shall be back on the 2nd of January.

Yours

10

23 Scott's Lane,

Calcutta,

17th Feb. [1907]

Dear Mrinalini,

I have not written to you for a long time. This is my eternal failing; if you do not pardon me out of your own goodness, what shall I do? What is ingrained in one does not go out in a day. Perhaps it will take me the whole of this life to correct this fault.

Page - 70

I was to come on the 8th January, but I could not. This did not happen of my own accord. I had to go where God took me. This time I did not go for my own work; it was for His work that I went. The state of my mind has undergone a change. But of this I shall not speak in this letter. Come here, and I shall tell you what is to be told. But there is only one thing which must be said now and that is that from now on I no longer am the master of my own will. Like a puppet I must go wherever God takes me; like a puppet I must do whatever He makes me do. It will be difficult for you to grasp the meaning of these words just now, but it is necessary to inform you, otherwise my movements may cause you regret and sorrow. You may think that in my work I am neglecting you, but do not do so. Already I have done you many wrongs and it is natural that this should have displeased you. But I am no longer free. From now on you will have to understand that all I do depends not on my will but is done at the command [adesh] of God. When you come here, you will understand the meaning of my words. I hope that God will show you the Light He has shown me in His infinite Grace. But that depends on His Will. If you wish to share my life and ideal you must strive to your utmost so that, on the strength of your ardent desire. He may in His Grace reveal the path to you also. Do not let anyone see this letter, for what I have said is extremely secret. I have not spoken about this to anyone but you; I am forbidden to do so. This much for today.

Your husband

P.S. I have written to Sarojini about household matters. When you see the letter you will understand that it is unnecessary to write to you separately about them.

Page - 71

 11

23 Scott's Lane,

Calcutta,

21-2-08

Dearest Mrinalini,

As there will be a delay in my obtaining my salary from the College I have borrowed Rs 50 from Radha Kumud Mukherjee and am sending it. I asked Abinash to have it sent. He ought to have sent it by wire, but he forgot to send it in your name. Take the rent money from this and after keeping aside something for mother, pay off some of the debt. Next month I will get my salary for February and January, three hundred rupees. Then we can pay off the rest of the debt.

I will not say anything of what I wrote in my last letter. I will tell you everything when you come. I have got permission and cannot avoid speaking. Enough for today.

Your husband

12

[Fragmentary undated letter-draft found among

Sri Aurobindo's papers.]

I have not written you a letter for a long time. I believe there may soon be a great change in our life. If so, if that happens we will be free from all want. We wait on the will of the Mother. Within me as well the final transformation is taking place. The Mother's inspiration has become very compact. Once this transformation is complete, the descent stable, our separation cannot continue any more. For the day of the yogasiddhi is coming near. After that will be the How of the entire body. Tomorrow or the day after a sign will manifest itself. After that I will be able to see you.

Page - 72

 13

[Fragmentary undated letter-draft found among

Sri Aurobindo's papers.]

Mrinalini,

I received a letter from you some time ago. I have not answered it. For some time I have been in a jadavat [inert yogic] state and all kinds of work and writing have been impossible. Today some impulsion has come and I can answer your letter.

Page - 73