July 3, 1971
You know, it’s as if the two extremes — a marvelous state and a general decomposition — were here like this (gesture of being inextricably intertwined). Everything, but everything is falling apart: people you count on give way, it seems there’s a general dishonesty spreading, people getting sick all the time…. As difficulties go, there have NEVER been so many, never, and compounded: big difficulties with ruinous ones. But at the same time, for … a flash (it comes for a few minutes, then it goes away), there is a … marvelous state (the body feels it), unimaginable, you know, like the extreme opposite. As if it wanted to take over — but the other fights back fiercely. And so, all circumstances are like that, all the people are like that, from the government on down to the people here. And then that marvelous state: it comes into my body for a few minutes, then it goes away.
It’s so … horrible, you know — just everyone, all the people you count on, everything, all, all is falling to pieces; so much so that the consciousness wonders: “But what is this hell, this is no life!” And then, at another moment — but for a few minutes only — there’s such a marvelous state that it’s unimaginable. There you are. That’s what I’ve been living since … night and day without letup.
This morning for a few minutes it was absolutely marvelous, but the rest of the time it’s infernal. There you are, you see, that’s life for you. Everything, all, all seems to be falling apart, the people you count on give way, but at the same time, all of a sudden…. It’s 90 percent like that, but the 10 percent is so marvelous that it’s unimaginable. That’s how things are.
And all the ideas of personal will or of a certain attitude to take are…. Night and day, ceaselessly, whatever the difficulties, my body simply says, “My God, let Your Will be done.” The body’s attitude is steadfast: it is completely like this (hands open in offering). And the sense of its own powerlessness … no: for as much as the sense of self is left (it’s not much, not much is left), but the little that is left is so powerless, so impotent, so ignorant … ignorant! Frightfully ignorant of everything. It’s something…. One wonders why, what’s the reason for this (Mother touches her body). And then … (gesture of a marvelous flash). That’s how it is.
Page 181
And the other side doesn’t create any problems. It’s … as if you were absolutely sick, a total mess, and all of a sudden you’re marvelously well, strong. And it comes very naturally, without any fuss. It remains there, and then pfft!
All our reasoning, all our … : in pieces — no longer worth anything.
And all the people needed to operate the organization, all the persons you count on, ploff! they fall through.
You see, it’s got to the point that eating is becoming a problem, sleeping is becoming a problem, speaking is becoming a problem — everything is a problem — but then at the same time … it gets done, one doesn’t know how: things fall into place, and one eats, one rests…. For instance, I am lying down, I am so uncomfortable that I think, “It’s impossible, I can’t stay here,” and then all of a sudden, poff! nothing anymore: a marvelous repose. And there is no more body, no more problem, nothing. And then without knowing the why or the how, suddenly the difficulties are back. And it’s like that, all of life is like that.
So people come and tell me, “I have this problem, that problem….” “Look,” I tell them (exasperated tone), “no wonder the whole world is like that!” It can perish for all I care … it would be a relief. There you are. But then … (gesture of a marvelous flash). Three minutes of splendor for twelve hours of misery. That’s the ratio. And for a body that truly, sincerely … thinks only of the Divine, wants only the Divine. But it is utterly conscious of its incapacity.
You know, it’s like a live demonstration of the existence of the Divine and what the Divine existence is — an absolute existence and what it is — and then what it has become.
(silence)
I don’t hear, I don’t see, I can’t eat, I can’t speak — all that seemingly deteriorated — I don’t understand, I no longer remember; and at the same time, all of a sudden, the sense of … a sovereign omnipotence in … something … a bliss that has no equivalent in our world. That’s how it is. And that’s simply as if to tell me, “Yes, it’s true: that’s IT; that’s what we want and that’s what will have to be….” But when?… That’s all.
And so it makes you … (everyone is complaining, everyone is moaning, everyone is talking about his troubles), it makes you indifferent and you say, “Well, what would you, the world is like that!”
Page 182
The world is “like that,” but it isn’t true! It is NOT like that — it’s like that for our consciousness…. For a while this morning, I wondered, “What is it like in the consciousness of wild animals?…” And I saw that the consciousness capable of seeing the whole doesn’t exist for animals, they don’t have it — they live from day to day and minute to minute whatever happens to them. That’s all. I understand that, I saw, it’s the … (gesture to the forehead indicating that the mind spoils everything).
(silence)
In short, it’s becoming very, very critical: how far the world is from what it should be. Usually people say there’s a mixture of good and bad things; but all that is childish — the good things aren’t any better than the bad ones. That’s not IT. The Divine is something else.
(Mother goes within)
And what have you brought?
Nothing special.
Nothing?
I would like to know one thing. I would like to know if I still
have a work to do.
Oh, nonsense! That’s part of the adverse forces. When it comes, you just have to say, “Well, fine, I am just listening to the Falsehood….” You have a whole life of realization ahead of you!
I mean something to create.
But, of course — of course!
(silence)
Whenever there is a defeatist suggestion — whether it’s a sensation, a thought or anything else — you can be sure it’s the devil.
But it’s not a defeatist sensation, it’s that in actuality EVERY
THING IS DECOMPOSING.
Page 183
But, exactly! That’s it. That’s what I call a defeatist sensation.
It isn’t a sensation but a fact.
But, of course, that’s what I’ve just told you: everything is falling apart — everything and everybody. It’s a fact — well, that fact is there to tell us, “This is what must cease to be.” For the ordinary human consciousness, that’s the reality — well, it’s not true, that’s all. We just have to tell ourselves it’s not true.
I mean, for example, what I have written is no longer a living reality for me.
Yes, exactly…. That’s because you’re moving on to the other side, like me. That’s all.
Nothing has any reality.
Nothing, it’s true.
Nothing, but nothing.
You may say "The Divine" or "This" or … — nothing has any
reality for me.
Excuse me! I am telling you (and I insist): for me, the Divine has become as concrete — more concrete and more compelling — than…. Only, we are not capable of feeling Him: one minute, a few minutes all of a sudden, and then, prrt!
Haven’t you suddenly felt…?
I feel the Force.
Yes, that’s it.
It’s the only thing that has any reality.
Yes.
Because otherwise all the rest seems to me like a fabrication of
the higher mind.
Yes, that’s right.
Page 184
One can at will imagine or think one is immersed in some
immense consciousness, but then there is nothing at all,
nothing nothing at all.
Yes, exactly. It’s another way of saying what I am saying.
But suddenly … all of a sudden there’s the Force … a Force — we call it “force” because … we don’t know what it is — an almighty Force. But fleeting: it comes, it vanishes.
But my body has the experience, my body knows that does not go away; it knows it is incapable of feeling it, but it knows it doesn’t go away.
For me it’s like the bankruptcy of the whole teaching. The
whole teaching seems like a fabrication of the higher mind
and nothing more — something that has no concrete reality.
Mon petit….
I feel I don’t want this anymore. It’s as if the mind didn’t want
ANY of it anymore.
It’s the Mind we don’t want anymore — it should just keep silent and not interfere.
Yes, but at the same time it’s also a support — at least it WAS a
support. I used to rely on it, it was a kind of basis in the
background, a basis of experience in the background. Well,
that basis seems to be gone.
Yes, but there is another one that … another one I’ve just mentioned … and that one … mon petit, is beyond dream. The ordinary consciousness can’t imagine what it is. There are moments so marvelous … that the rest seems even worse.
(Mother goes within)
Page 185