February 10, 1971
Good morning, Mother.
Well, what’s new?…
How are you, Mother?
It’s not coming very fast…. It’s all right, the leg is almost better — almost, there’s still a tiny little something in the foot, but it’s nothing at all. But the eyesight is not too clear. It’s better — everything is improving, but very, very slowly. And willpower seems to have nothing to do with it. It’s something entirely beyond my control — what is it exactly? I don’t know.
It must depend on the rest of the world, perhaps?
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Yes, probably…. Yes, it’s not a personal question because…. The personal will is there, but it’s kept like this (motionless gesture in the background). It’s at peace. Well….
Suddenly I am able to straighten up (you know, I was afraid I would be bent over forever), suddenly I can straighten up. Then at another time I look at those cards to exercise my eyes [[An oculist's chart with letters of various sizes. Mother does regular reading exercises. ]]; and suddenly, one morning, it’s very clear, I can see very clearly — as if to prove that the possibility is there. But the time has not come yet. So I am waiting.
The only thing is the 21st…. I said (maybe too soon, I don’t know) that I would go out on the balcony; therefore I MUST go out on the balcony. Right now it looks … problematical, but…. I can’t take one step without being supported.
We’ll see. There’s still a week.
It’s entirely beyond my will — it’s not that the will isn’t there, but … (immutable gesture). So I have to say, “Well, what will be will be.”
May I hear another chapter now?
Yes, Mother.
(After the reading of chapter 13, “And After?”)
I find what you wrote truly miraculous, you know.
(long contemplation)
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