April 8, 1970
(Regrettably, Satprem did not preserve the recording of the
following conversation, perhaps feeling too acutely the negative
appearance of Mother’s difficulties, although that very negativity
was the condition of the experience. At the beginning of the con
versation, Mother makes a fair copy of a text to be reproduced.)
My eyesight has gone down a lot these last two days.
(silence)
There’s a difficulty…. I am beginning to be unable to eat, so … Things are becoming difficult.
Is it the consciousness or the body?
It’s … I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on.
(silence)
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The body seems to be straddling … (gesture between two worlds). Naturally, it still has all the old habits, so that makes for … it makes for a queer thing. It’s only the consciousness that’s clearer than it has ever been. Consciousness of what goes on in people … But speaking is a difficult thing, very difficult, and the sight is … (Mother shakes her head).
(long silence)
Don’t know.
(long silence)
It really is a very strange condition. Very strange. You know, this whole base, from automatism to all the things one does out of habit, is … (yes, there’s an enormous quantity of things one does automatically) … it’s gone. So that’s … difficult.
(silence)
It’s especially, especially the question of eating, because for an extremely long time (many years) there has been no interest in food, none at all. Its taken only … its taken with a certain knowledge of what is needed, but that’s all. Well, now, it’s … almost difficult to swallow. Especially that: very difficult to swallow.
(Mother goes into a long contemplation)
There is also a difficulty breathing. Breath is … is short.
(silence)
What’s going to happen? I don’t know. (Mother laughs)
But the Power is more and more massive, I feel.
Yes, yes. Oh, and at times … Listen, yesterday I saw a boy who’d taken a wrong turn (he is in Auroville). He’d taken a wrong turn, had rebelled and didn’t want to do anything anymore. Anyway … So I wrote him to come. Every Tuesday, they come from Auroville, four of them. He came with them. He came in … closed, blocked. I said absolutely nothing, I looked at him, simply looked … (gesture). After a few minutes, brrt! everything melted. And then he expressed it.
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Without saying anything, not a word, simply … Such things take place all the time, all the time. It’s odd, the body acts as an intermediary (gesture radiating through the body), like that, simply like that.
(silence)
But I am constantly out of breath…. I don’t think there’s any disease, I don’t get that impression. On the contrary, I get the impression that certain things are rather getting better (oh, nothing very spectacular, but some things do get better). But there are two difficulties: one is breathing – short, very short – and the other is eating…. Drinking, I can still drink.
Don’t know.
And I would really like not to reach a condition where I’ll be asked to see a doctor, because they can’t understand….
Did I give you flowers?
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