February 19, 1969
(The conversation begins an hour late.)
We must take life as a grace, otherwise it’s impossible to live.
(silence)
I had things to say, but … I’ve just seen at least thirty people.
(silence)
I am entirely convinced that things are as they must be, and that it’s simply the body that lacks suppleness, tranquillity, trust …. So
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I can’t even say that things grate (they don’t grate at all), but … You understand, the work consists in changing the conscious base of all the cells-but not all at once! Because that would be impossible; even little by little is very difficult: the moment when the conscious base is changed is … There is almost a sort of panic in the cells, and the impression, "Ooh! What’s going to happen?" And since there are still lots and lots of them … So now and then, it’s difficult. It’s by group, almost by faculty or part of faculty, and some of them are a little difficult. I don’t know (since it’s quite new), I don’t know if it would be easier if I weren’t doing anything? Probably not, because it’s not so much the work [to be done], it’s not that: it’s people’s general attitude. It makes for a kind of collective support at the moment of the transition. At the moment when the consciousness that ordinarily supports the cells fades away for the new one to take the place, the cells need ("the cells," I don’t know if it’s them), but there has to be the support of … (how can I put it?) … in people it gets expressed as the need of the Presence, but that’s not what is necessary: it’s a sort of collaboration of the collective forces. It’s not much, it’s not indispensable, but it helps a little, in some measure. There is a moment when there’s almost an anguish, you know, you’re suspended like that; it may be a few seconds, but those few seconds are terrible. This morning again there was a moment like that …. I remember that at the time of the "darshans," for two days Sri Aurobindo didn’t want me to do any work for others (to see them, read letters, reply, all that), but he was here, so it was he who acted as support. Because I see that the work began long ago (in a subordinate and very little conscious way), but now it’s in full swing. So the cells feel some slight panic …. Generally, a few minutes’ concentration is enough, but it causes a sort of weariness – weariness in the cells, a need not to do anything (Mother points at the clock, which reads I]).
If I hadn’t known, if the body hadn’t known what it was, well, ordinarily I would have lain down without seeing anyone. But the consciousness was there to say that the unpleasantness of it [the second of transition], the unpleasant consequence of it would have been worse than the fact of being tired.<67>
There were a few very difficult days when Amrita left, [[On January 31, 1969. Amrita was the person in charge of the Ashram's finances. Bharatidi's departure (on November 7, 1968) appears to have acted as a trigger, for it was followed by Amrita's, then Pavitra's (on May 16), then Satyakarma's (Mother's cashier) .... This calls to mind Satprem's vision of Sri Aurobindo, several of whose toes had been cut off, that is to say, several people. See Agenda VIII of July 5, 1967. ]] because
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a whole collectivity of people thought, "Ooh, so one can die." There. So that’s how it is.
But more and more – more and more – the body has been learning that what happens (what happens every second) is the best thing that can happen given the general condition. It’s entirely convinced of that. And it’s content to do like this (gesture of self-abandon) and say, "Let Your Will be done." That’s all. If it can do that in a very continuous and peaceful way, then things are fine. It’s only when it tries to find out why and how and … then things go wrong. It has to be like this (same gesture of self-abandon): "Let Your Will be done." Then it’s all right. It doesn’t ask to know, only there’s the old habit.
At the critical moment (there are critical moments), at the critical moment, this surrender (it’s even more than surrender, it’s a complete abdication of everything, of its existence and everything) is filled with light and force. That’s the Response.
(silence)
Do you have any news?
(Satprem presents to Mother the manuscript of By the Body
of the Earth or the Sannyasin, which he is about to send to
Paris. Mother’s remarks have not been kept.)
(silence)
The body is very conscious of its infirmity – and of the Grace. For instance, there are painful, difficult moments, but it’s per-fect-ly aware that it’s because of its incapacity to open, to give itself, to change. And a profound joy, VERY CALM, but very vast – vast, you know, the cells feel a broadening. That goes on increasing little by little. It’s only when there’s a physical pain or something a little acute that the body is obliged to hang on, otherwise … And even that comes from this idiotic spirit of self-preservation (Mother laughs) in the depths of any cellular consciousness – it knows that. It knows it. It’s an old habit. But all that, little by little (little by little, but in reality very fast – very fast), is changing.
All the groups of cells, all the cellular organizations have to do their … not "surrender," a complete self-abandon, in complete trust. That’s indispensable. For some, it’s the spontaneous, inevitable, constant movement; with others, it comes as soon as there’s a difficulty; yet others need to be churned a little in order to learn.
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So then, the various functions are taken up in turn, in a marvelously logical order, following the body’s functioning. It’s something marvelous, only … the body is a poor thing, very poor thing – that’s very true.
Some even (as I have said) spontaneously repeat the mantra. Spontaneously, the mantra goes on and on being repeated, sometimes with a very great intensity; sometimes there is a sort of … (do you know the English word shyness?), a shyness to invoke the Divine, so strongly That is felt. But it melts- it melts in an awareness, a conscious perception of such a Clemency! Unbelievable, unbelievable, unthinkable, it’s so wonderful …. (In its very small human manifestation, that’s what has become goodness, but that’s a distortion.) A marvel! The cells are in ecstasy before this vibration …. But then, you see and hear this CLAMOR of protest, misery, suffering – it’s a clamor all over the earth, and that makes the cells feel a little ashamed.
(silence)
Its way of working (I think I’ve already told you once or twice) is a sort of storytelling based on experiences, memories, very small dormant things that seemed to be gone, and which awaken for the experience to become concrete. So then, all that unfolds, with the human sensation, human vision, human understanding (even the most spiritual understanding, I might say), and at the same time … this Presence. And then the Presence brings the TRUE understanding …. Something wonderful.
(silence)
The body is aware that That, this Consciousness, knows full well whether it will continue or not. It has never been told anything, and it knows (it has felt the two things equally, as equal certitudes, and with equal acceptance), it knows this is the most favorable condition for the work, so it doesn’t ask anything. There are worries around (of all kinds), from an anguish at the idea that it could happen (all around, like that) to (laughing) a haste for the end to come! (That also happens.) But now the body has learned to be ab-so-lute-ly indifferent to those reactions – absolutely. It smiles. It smiles with this benevolent Smile [of the superman consciousness], it has the same smile. And it sees, it knows, it senses where that [the worry or the "haste"] comes from, it’s thoroughly conscious. After all, it’s very amusing! There’s a whole gamut, a whole scale, from fear (a semiconscious, blind fear) to … (Mother laughs)
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an impatient desire! "Free at last! Free at last to do all the foolish things I want to do! …" It seems there aren’t many, but there are some. [[There will be more and more. Three months later, on May 10, Mother will say, "A considerable number of desires that it should die. Everywhere, they are everywhere!" ]] The two opposites of blind Ignorance coming together. The body has become very conscious: it’s very sensitive to what comes from people. It didn’t have that before, but now it senses.
It’s supported, helped: this superman consciousness that has come helps it a lot, it’s through it that the body feels, and that helps it a lot. Sometimes, when someone comes in, along with him (him or her or them) comes a slight acute uneasiness; if the body had felt that before knowing, it would have been painful, but now it can smile and wait to discover why it’s like that (Mother gestures as if to trace the vibration that caused the uneasiness). With others, on the contrary, the atmosphere is immediately filled with the presence of this Consciousness (that’s new, and very interesting), so then the body feels fine – it feels fine, rested.
There were lots and lots of things with a question mark before: "Why is it like this?" Now it knows, it’s beginning to know why – that’s amusing. And it has begun to know why since it completely abdicated and lost any eagerness either to go on or to stop (either one or the other); it’s like this (gesture of-surrender): "What You will, Lord; as long as You want me to be like this, I’ll be like this; when or if You want me not to be, I won’t be" – it’s completely, absolutely unimportant.
(Mother looks at the clock,
laughing)
I am very sorry! I am sorry, but what can we do? … The outer organization is like that.
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