September 4, 1968
(Mother had Nolini called to ask him for his opinion about the
conversation of August 28 and whether it should be published
in "Notes on the Way.")
(To Nolini) Have you read it? What’s your opinion?
(Nolini) At first I hesitated regarding the publication, then I
thought, "If it has the same effect on others as it had on me, it
will be good."
(Mother laughs) As for me, I have nothing to say…. It’s this poor body being educated. It’s charming!
(Nolini) So we’ll publish it, won’t we?
(Satprem) We could also ask Pavitra?
Pavitra will say, “As Mother says”! …
I, for one, find it very useful. Those who will misunderstand
will misunderstand anyhow.
Oh, that, they already misunderstand!
(Nolini leaves)
* * *
Anything to say?
Are you better, Mother?
This poor body is now following a discipline…. From the medical point of view, I think I am fine, I don’t know (!) That is, I no longer cough, I …
It’s still difficult to speak.
Difficult, and also seemingly so useless….
(long silence)
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Two or three nights ago, and again last night, Sri Aurobindo was there for a long time; two nights ago, he was there for at least two hours. And he was there because someone had come (someone with a lot of authority) who wanted to organize something, and I wanted Sri Aurobindo to explain to him how he should do it. That someone was a European (European or American, I don’t know, but he rather seemed European to me), very tall, with broad shoulders. I don’t know him. A man between forty and fifty, I think…. How is that Monsignor R.?
He is a strong man, he looks stocky, with a broad forehead, but
the lower part of the face is rather sensual.
Yes, I saw his photo.
He [Sri Aurobindo] came back yesterday evening again, during the night. He was there for a good while.
But now, the visions are so concrete that they are almost material – they aren’t “visions,” you understand: it’s life for a certain length of time. It’s certainly in a region where I didn’t use to see previously.[[What is this region in which Mother did not see previously, if not the cellular region? ]] Very concrete, precise, and the transition from that state to the waking state is almost imperceptible. It’s not a reversal of consciousness as it usually is: it’s almost imperceptible, as though intermingled (Mother slides the fingers of her right hand between those of her left hand to show how the two worlds interpenetrate).
I see all kinds of people whom I generally didn’t use to see. For instance, I didn’t use to dream of P., I never used to see him at night; now I see him often, but … (how to explain?) with just a slight change (same gesture of the fingers of one hand sliding between those of the other hand), it’s very … It’s not the same region at all. M. too, for instance, I didn’t use to see him at night; last night, I saw him for a long time – I questioned him, he answered me, I spoke to him…. It was quite concrete.
But the setting isn’t the same. It’s a VERY familiar setting: I don’t feel I am in a new place; it’s a place where I am, if not all the time, at least every day. And where there are habits, and … It’s very strange, it’s a region where I wasn’t conscious previously. And very, very near (same gesture).
Last night, for instance, when Sri Aurobindo came, I brought
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him a big drawing, like this, a drawing with writing on it, and I told him, “See, I wanted to show you this, how interesting it is, how amusing!” And it was … When I am awake, I don’t know what it is. It was something I had kept aside to show Sri Aurobindo, and as soon as he came I showed him, saying, “See how interesting it is!” And awake, I don’t know what it is…. There would seem to be a whole LIFE like that – a whole life, a whole activity going on, yes, very near, probably in the subtle physical, but very near. Very, very concrete, not at all the impression of a dream. Thoroughly concrete, with sensations. And a continuity: even when I am not conscious of it, it continues, and when I become conscious, the continuation is there: I’ll become conscious of it again “farther ahead,” and it has changed while I wasn’t conscious there.
It looks like a material region (material, that is, physical) where the consciousness is more awake – the consciousness is very clear, very clear, and sharp, you know: sharp perceptions.
And the body quite has the impression of being educated, of learning things – “learning” not things: learning everything.
It [this subtle physical world] is like a lining, but a lining that would be more conscious.
The light is very clear, the shapes very precise.
(silence)
Three or four days ago, after lunch (I rest before going to take my bath, I lie down here), I fell asleep (I sleep very little: I go into an inner consciousness, but I don’t sleep). I fell asleep. I woke up, then got up and started towards the bathroom – I felt as I did before: I was walking by myself, I had my balance. And spontaneously, without thought. But then … it was taken away (gesture as if someone came to take that strength away from Mother). So I suspected that during my sleep, a part of the vital being (laughing) had come back, and naturally I was beginning to live again! … So it was taken away.
And the body is being given an education: it’s being taught how to will – the true way of being and willing. And over the entire material creation (gesture covering and enveloping the earth), there is a tissue – which we might call “catastrophic” – a tissue of bad will. That is to say, a sort of web, yes, a defeatist web – defeatist, catastrophic – where you botch what you wanted to do, where there are all possible accidents, all possible bad wills. Like a web. And the
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body is being taught to get out of it. [[This "web" is what separates our false matter from the true world "like a lining of ours," the place where Mother did not see previously. ]]
It’s as if mingled with the Force that realizes and expresses itself; it’s like something mingling with the material creation. And the body is being taught to break free from it. But it’s difficult, very difficult.
It’s the cause of diseases, the cause of accidents – it’s the cause of all destructive things.
And this web is there constantly, all the time, like this (same covering gesture).
It’s very tightly mingled [with the body]. It’s not clearly separate yet.
So that’s how I live. There are still hours during which I don’t know what’s happening outwardly.
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