January 11, 1967
… In the afternoon, the lists [of appointments] have lengthened to such a point that I have no time left. Before, I used to start my daily work (the mail to be signed and so on) at 3:30, then it became four, and now it’s quarter to five. There was a time when I finished at four, so I did the translation of Savitri (that was a very, very long time ago); later I finished at 4:30, so I still had time to take something, eat a little; now I finish after five, so (laughing) that settles it!
It MUST be like that since it is like that.
It’s perhaps a lesson (it’s an indication), but there is a purpose to it.[[This long phase of "invasion" from outside, which had started the previous year, and of increased difficulty with "people," as Mother used to say, was indeed going to end up in a first serious warning to Mother a few days later, on January 14 (when Sri Aurobindo dictated to Mother a note on the "cataleptic trance" to work out the transformation undisturbed). ]]
As for me, I try to understand the lesson I have to understand. I am learning to be very patient….
Yes!
Oh, a patience … People constantly bring revolt, abuse, all that. To me it’s an absolute zero, sometimes it’s even amusing; sometimes I find it funny. But when I find it funny is not when I am in my best state, because when I am in my own state – the true state of compassion – it doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t even cause a small ripple on the surface, nothing. When it’s funny is when it makes me start working on people who have done one thing or another. When something is working, then I find it amusing.
Page 18
Yesterday I was asked the question; I was asked whether abuse, the feeling of being abused, and what in English is called self-respect (which is somewhat akin to self-esteem), have a place in the sadhana. Naturally, they don’t, that goes without saying! But I saw the movement, it was extremely clear: I saw that without ego, when the ego isn’t there, there CANNOT be that sort of ruffling in the being. Because I went back far into the past, to the time when I still felt that (years ago), but now it’s not even something alien – it’s something impossible. The whole being, even, strangely, even the physical constitution, doesn’t understand what it means. It’s the same thing when materially there is a knock (Mother shows a scratch on her elbow), like this, for instance: it’s no longer felt the way an injury is felt. It’s no longer felt that way. More often than not, there’s nothing at all, it goes absolutely unnoticed in the midst of the whole; but when there is something, it’s only a sense – a very … sweet, very intimate sense – of a help trying to make itself felt, a lesson to be learned. But not the way it’s done mentally, always with a stiffening; that’s not it: it’s instantly a sort of offering in the being, which gives itself in order to learn. I am speaking of all the cells. It’s very interesting. Of course, if we mentalize it, we should say it’s the sense or awareness of the divine Presence in all things, and that the mode – the mode of contact – comes from the state in which we are.
This is the body’s experience.
And the only perception when there is some clash or other in individuals, some shock or other, is always a clear vision of the ego – the ego manifesting itself. They say, “It’s the other’s fault.” I wouldn’t say, “Oh, so-and-so was angry” or “Oh, so-and-so …” No, it’s his ego; not even his ego: THE EGO, the ego principle – the ego principle still interfering. That’s very interesting, because for me the ego has become a sort of impersonal entity, while for everyone, it’s the acute sense of his personality! Instead of that, it’s a sort of way of being (which we may call terrestrial, or human), a sort of way of being in greater or lesser quantity here or there or there, and which gives each one the illusion of his personality. It’s very interesting.
Yes, but the trouble is, others don’t learn their lesson, so … So they invade you.
Oh, if they learned their lesson, everything would change very soon!
Page 19
So the result is that you are invaded, submerged.
Can’t be!
All your time is swallowed up, all your…
I can’t be submerged! (laughing) I’m too big!
But still, materially you’re overburdened.
I have noticed that if I resist, things go wrong. If I have a sense of fluidity, there aren’t any clashes any longer. It’s the same thing as with this scratch (Mother shows her elbow). You see, if you stiffen up and things resist, you give yourself a knock. It’s like people who know how to fall: they fall without hurting themselves. With people who don’t know how to fall, the slightest tumble and they break something. It’s the same thing. We must learn to be … perfect oneness. To correct, straighten things out, is still to resist.
So what’s going to happen [if the invasion goes on]?… It’ll be amusing, we’ll see! (Mother laughs) The others aren’t in the same state, so maybe they’ll feel hurt, but I can’t help it! (Mother laughs)
We should always laugh, always. The Lord laughs. He laughs, and His laughter is so good, so good, so full of love! A laughter that envelops you in an extraordinary sweetness.
This, too, men have distorted – (laughing) they’ve distorted everything!
Page 20