June 27, 1964
(From Satprem to Sujata)
Chatou-Chambery
… I don’t feel tired – what tires me is rather human beings with their constant agitation and troubled atmosphere. Anyway, I am happy to be with my brother. The difficulty is that I no longer know how to speak, I have lost the habit of conversation, and people talk and talk, ask questions without giving you time to answer, and in that whirl it is quite hard to pull down true words. In fact, my only rest is when I am alone doing my japa; then everything seems to open, to relax, and I feel I am back home. Otherwise I am like a cork tossed about on the sea and turned in all directions. People don’t live – they bustle about. It is painful to be constantly pulled outside, constantly torn from oneself. I am not able to live in this world any longer, I think I would die if I had to stay here.
S.
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