February 22, 1964
(The day after Mother’s eighty-sixth birthday. Mother first reads the translation of the message she gave on the 21st:)
It was translated in an interesting way…. I read it, then I concentrated (A. was sitting here, not moving or saying anything), so first I said a word or two to him to “establish the atmosphere.” Then I remained quiet, and it simply came – it isn’t exactly a translation:
Sa volonté solitaire affronta la loi du monde.
Pour arrêter la roue fatale, cette Splendeur se leva …
Her single will opposed the cosmic rule.
To stay the wheels of Doom this greatness rose.
(Savitri, I.II.19)
***
I had a strange night last night.
The whole day yesterday, I had an impression – not a vague impression: a very precise sensation – of the Pressure of something that was trying to manifest. But it was so material that it was almost like a physical pressure. And then a kind of Force that not only resisted, but revolted, trying to make a muddle of everything – to create unpleasant circumstances, trouble people, all sorts of perfectly unpleasant little nothings. I was watching all that.
And in the evening the resistance and revolt took a concrete form, as it were. Then, in response, there was in all the cells of the body a call, a desperate call for the Truth, as if all the cells were crying out, “Ah, no! We’ve had enough of this Falsehood, enough, enough, enough! – the Truth, the Truth, the Truth….” It put my body in a very deep trance. And it had the impression of a very, very intense struggle.
I was looking, and everywhere there were … as if the world were made of huge engines with enormous pistons that were falling – you know, like in engine rooms: they were rising and falling, rising and falling…. It was like that everywhere. And it was pounding Matter – it was frightful. To such a degree that the body felt pounded.
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It was a compression – a mechanical compression – and at the same time (both things at the same time), such an intensity of aspiration! There is in these cells an extraordinary intensity: “The Truth, the Truth, the Truth…”[[A few days later, Mother had a very bloodshot eye. ]] Then, in the middle of all this, I went into a state of very deep trance, a sort of samadhi, from which I emerged five hours later – it lasted from 10 at night to 3 in the morning – five hours later, beatific, and conscious that I had been conscious all the time, but of something inexpressible. And what a light! A light, a light … a fantastic light.
But this morning, the body is a bit … (what’s the word?) giddy.
Dizzy?
Not exactly dizzy … the sensation of a sort of lack of consistency. Yes, like when one is giddy – a giddiness, rather. Because it was such a pounding!
Mother, some fifteen days ago, I dreamed that very thing. There was a sort of enormous “drill” boring into Matter; then you came, and you were very interested, as if you participated actively in it. An enormous black drill, like the ones they use to drill wells, boring into a sort of Matter with a color like yellow clay. It struck me very much. About ten or fifteen days ago…. A tremendous power.
Yes, yesterday I had the feeling that I was brought into contact with something that’s going on ALL THE TIME.
Then that’s it.
Like this, a pounding: you know, those machines that rise and fall and rise and fall…. And there were scores and scores and scores of them … it was endless.
But then (laughing), this poor body was lying underneath! I even heard (although I was in trance), I heard my body letting out little cries, “Ah! ah! …” Just a little “ah”!
So that’s how I am this morning, a little giddy.
These are powerful methods!
(silence)
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I have never seen such an intensity in the cells, in the consciousness of the cells … you know, an almost desperate intensity: “We’ve had enough, enough of this Falsehood! – the Truth, the Truth, the Truth….” And then that Light … bah-bah! … They were conscious of the light. Conscious of a dazzling light.
Look, it’s the kind of giddiness one has when one has drunk a bit too much – that’s it, the giddiness caused by alcohol.
But I didn’t have the sense of a definitive thing: I had the sense of a beginning! It’s only a beginning!
Which means that the gap between what they are used to receiving through infiltration and a radical descent is a tremendous one.
Several times in his letters, Sri Aurobindo wrote that if the higher Light were to descend abruptly, or if divine Love were to descend abruptly, without preparation … the matter would be shattered. It appears to be quite true!
(silence)
Even now (Mother touches her hands and fingers), one feels … not the pounding, but the aspiration in all the cells….
(Mother goes into contemplation)
Yes, that’s what it is, a sort of inebriation.
Somewhere in “Savitri,” Sri Aurobindo says, “This wine of lightning in the cells….”[[And came back quivering with a nameless Force Drunk with a wine of lightning in their cells. (IV.IV 383) ]]
Oh! Do you know where it is? …
(Satprem looks for the passage in vain)
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