December 25, 1963
(Mother looks tired)
How are your nights?
Not too conscious.
That doesn’t matter (!) If you get rest, that’s all that is needed.
Last night there was a perpetual harassment.
(silence)
There is at the moment an entire study going on in the subconscient on the cause of illnesses. I am not seeing very pleasant things….
There is a whole zone in the most material vital which penetrates, as it were, the subtle physical – that’s where illnesses are formed. You see swarms of completely crooked formations – a lack of sincerity. And it expresses itself in images: I see all kinds of people and do all kinds of things in a special zone – the same people who are elsewhere are here too under a special aspect. It’s a mixture of the deformation of consciousness, the deformation of language, the deformation of forms – swarms and swarms! … For hours.
But I was always accompanied by a form, not a very precise one, but which was the materialization in that realm of the Lord’s Presence. I remember having for the work entered a huge room, completely bare, without anything, in a half-light, when suddenly I felt something grabbing hold of me here (gesture at the nape of the neck), something I even felt physically (I was lying in my bed, but I felt it physically). So I pointed it out to that Form which was accompanying me everywhere – so attentive, so close – to explain and show things to me; I complained, saying, “Look, something has grabbed hold of me, it even hurts physically.” So I saw a kind of arm come and take that thing on my neck, pull it away and present it to me: it was like one of those big bats that are called flying fox (there are some here, they eat little birds, chicks …), it was clinging to my neck! He said, “Oh, it’s nothing! It’s only that.” (Mother laughs) And it was a big thing like this (about three feet) which had grabbed hold of me here and had its two claws still out (he had wrenched it off my neck). It had become flat and almost
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inert, but it was still as vicious as anything.
It was quite simply an “incident” – to mention just one.
But the remarkable thing is that my physical pain went away immediately; I felt a pain in the nape of my neck, like a weight that hurt and pressed on the nerves, and it went away instantly: “Oh, it’s nothing, just that”!
Then He seemed to lead me to other places, where I saw a sort of scorpion with a very odd shape (it was also a sort of entity in that realm and it gave other illnesses) trying to climb up somewhere. There was also a truncated snake which had been cut through, and out of the cut something like its life was escaping, yet it was still alive. All kinds of horrors. But there wasn’t the slightest feeling of disgust: it was more like a consciousness studying, observing, and the “I” that observed was the force exerted by the consciousness on the play of those things.
It isn’t a pleasant realm. It’s the realm that’s just like this (Mother places one hand over the other), immediately beyond … (how can I put it? It’s neither higher nor deeper inside) beyond the subtle physical, and it’s the realm in which formations of illness MATERIALIZE. I spent more than three hours of the night in it.
It’s a kind of study … a useful one, maybe. And I noticed, I remember having complained, “Oh, it hurts!” (Apparently I was sound asleep, but I was very conscious of my body.) So it interested me, and I turned to the Lord: “It hurts quite a bit.” So He extended his hand, took that thing away and presented it to me, saying, “Oh, it’s only that”! … It wasn’t pretty. But then, INSTANTLY, the pain went away. I had been feeling some pain in the evening before going to bed (the nerves ached, the neck muscles hurt, it was like something weighing down heavily and clinging to me painfully); I saw His hand take it and present that animal to me, and I heard the voice say, Oh, it’s only that (He speaks to me in English), it’s only that – gone!
Exactly what Sri Aurobindo did when he was here: his hand seemed to come, take hold of the pain, and the illness went away.
Only, these nights are a little … tiring. Nights of work, of struggle. And then during the day, there is that avalanche of people and things…. If you don’t go mad, it’s a sure sign you had no predisposition to madness! (Mother laughs)
Well.
You should get some rest nevertheless. It’s time this book was finished and those [Tantric] writings were finished – so you can go and sit facing the sea. And watch the waves move, no?
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I still have eight days of work.
All right. You’ll have to hold on for eight days.
Those eight days are the most…
Afterwards, you go and sit and watch the waves. The waves … that’s pretty! (Mother laughs ironically)
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