June 8, 1963
It was yesterday, I think, in the night (not last night, the night before, the 6th of June, that is), for more than three hours without stop, there was no consciousness of anything any more – not a thought, not a will, not an action, not an observation, nothing. Everything was at a standstill. For instance, all that happens when you have experiences and you work in the subconscient – all that,
Page 162
everything, everything was at a standstill. It was like the action of a Force. Without any thought or idea, only the sensation and a sort of perception (awareness is the right word) of a Force, but a stupendous Force, you know, like the Force of the earth – all the combinations of the forces along with an action that came from above and worked on them. It was going through me (especially around the head down to the chest, but it was going on in the whole body, and it was spherical), it went through me and out, and out, and out in this direction, that direction, another direction, innumerable directions, and nothing but movements of Force (there was something like a perception of colors, but not in the ordinary way: like a knowledge that certain vibrations corresponded to a particular color), but it was an incalculable MASS, almost … indefinite, at any rate, and simultaneous. At first I said to myself (laughing), “What’s going on?” Then I thought, “All right, it doesn’t matter, I’ll just let it happen.” And it went on and on and on – three hours without letup.
I didn’t know … I didn’t know anything any more, didn’t understand anything any more, had no bearings any more; there was only a Force on the move, and what Force! … It was a Force that came from beyond and acted upon all the forces of the earth: on big things, on small things, on small, precise points, on enormous things, and it was going on and on and on, on this point, that point, all points together and everywhere…. I suppose that if the mind had been associated with the experience, it would have gone a bit mad! It gave that impression, you see, because it was so overwhelming that … And all the time, all the time in the physical center (the physical center, that is, in the corporeal base), with something in an ecstatic state; it was very interesting how that ecstasy – an ecstasy that sparkled like a diamond – was there, so sweet, so sweet, so peaceful, as though it were there all the while, telling the body, “Don’t be afraid, (laughing) don’t worry, don’t be afraid, all is well.” As though the supreme Power were saying all the while, “Don’t worry, don’t worry, leave it to me, leave it to me….” It lasted more than three hours.
I wondered, “What will my condition be like when I get up? Completely dazed, or what?” – Very quiet, nothing different, with only a sort of … something that was smiling and saying, “Oh, so things CAN be that way.”
The mind was absolutely silent, absolutely: all the connections with all that people keep sending from everywhere were cut – all of it was completely gone. There were only the universal forces in
Page 163
action, with something that came from above and impregnated them all, sent them all out. And with it, a point – it was like a point in that immensity – a sparkling point, absolutely ecstatic, in such a peace! An extraordinary ecstasy, which was deliberately saying, "Don’t worry; you can see what’s going on, can’t you, so don’t worry, don’t worry," because certainly the thing had gone beyond all possible individual proportions.
It’s the first time. I’ve had currents of force, I’ve had actions on the earth, I’ve had forces coming to me, all sorts of things; but this was different: it was all of that together. It was everywhere at the same time, everything at the same time, with that Inrush, and it was … There was certainly something that wanted me to be very quiet and not to worry. It was necessary that I should keep very quiet.
I had a feeling that I was given the awareness of something that’s taking place right now. Because at night, generally, I disconnect myself from everything and universalize myself – no, “universalize” isn’t the word: I identify myself with the Lord. That’s my way of resting. I do it every night, it is the time when I have my deep rest. But now I’ve been made aware of this Force at work. Often experiences come (there have been a number of them lately), but it’s the first time this one has come, because … It was certainly something happening FOR the earth; but it didn’t come from the center of forces that generally acts on the earth. It wasn’t the usual working of forces on the earth. It was “something happening.” And it gave the sense that the earth was very small – the movement was towards the earth, it was for the earth, but the earth was very small.
Very small.
(silence)
There were no psychological perceptions (what I call “psychological perceptions” are, for instance, vibrations of love, vibrations of peace, vibrations of light, vibrations of knowledge, of power), they weren’t there in that form, it wasn’t that. Still, all that must have been there, because there were many things, many things that were all one thing, but one thing which assumed different forms; but I didn’t see the forms, I didn’t see the colors. It was only a question of pure sensation. A pure vibratory sensation: only vibrations, vibrations, vibrations, on a … colossal scale.
It is a new experience.
(silence)
Page 164
Obviously, there was … there must have been a cause for alarm, because as soon as I became conscious of the experience (it started before I became conscious of it; when I did, it seemed to me it had already been going on for a long time; so when I say three hours, it means three hours during which I was conscious, but it had started long before; it was around eleven at night and lasted till three in the morning), so the second I was made conscious of the “thing,” obviously there was a cause for alarm, because immediately I was told, “You see, this is what is going on,” and it was thanks to that ecstasy in the body that there was no alarm: “Oh, things are fine, everything is fine.” And when the experience was over, it didn’t end like an experience exhausting itself; it ended as if, very slowly, the thing were, not exactly veiled to my consciousness, but as if my consciousness were turned away from it, with the feeling, “Don’t worry.” At the start and at the end. All the same, when I woke up, I thought (because my head felt strange, there was a bizarre sensation as if I had become quite swollen! Swollen, inordinately swollen), I thought, “Maybe when I get up tomorrow morning (I get up at 4:30), I’ll find myself in a complete daze!” That’s why I observed – but everything was fine, there only remained that sort of feeling of being swollen. I feel (yet it was two nights ago, not last night), I feel as if my head were swollen! But the clear-headedness is the same as ever!! (laughing) Nothing’s been disturbed!
On the contrary, there is a sort of … like an acuteness, something more acute in the perception, a little bit ironic – I don’t know why. A magnified impression that all the things in the world are much ado about nothing, a lot of fuss about nothing – I’ve had that feeling for … for centuries, I could say, but there is in addition something ever so slightly acute and ironic.
But otherwise, crystal clear!
(silence)
If someone could tell me …
But I am not supposed to know, evidently. Probably I am too much of a chatterbox (!), I always tell you all my stories, which probably isn’t necessary, so I am not told. But, you know, people are so fond of putting labels on things: “This is what it is, that is what it is….” We don’t want that! It sounds so “smart,” you know, like newspapers headlines: “The latest development.” (Mother sketches big, sensational headlines) We don’t want that.
You may have an experience for an hour, two hours sometimes,
Page 165
but here there was an impression that … all of a sudden I was made aware. And that I participated: this (the body) was allowed to participate, because for some reason that I don’t know (maybe because of the work going on in the body, I don’t know, that must be why), it seemed necessary that I should participate. But the impression is that something stupendous is happening right now. You see, when I had that experience of the pulsations of Love in April last year, I had the perception of the color, the “psychological” perception of the state I was in (how can I explain?), for instance, the quality of the vibration of Love (something that has absolutely nothing to do with earthly things). At the time, I was That, I was those vibrations, but I was fully aware of the quality of those vibrations, and remained so for months – this is completely different! It was nothing but an action. NOTHING but an action. And an action, you know, in which the human body is less than an ant. Much less than an ant: an imperceptible point. Yet there seemed to be ONLY this body! As if this body alone were there and it were going through that. This body was a body … it was THE body! And that point – that comforting point of ecstasy – was very small. Very small. But it was there, quite insistent, very conscious, telling me, “Don’t interfere; leave it to me entirely, all is well – see, all is well.” Very small, very small…. Yet it was my body: I tell you, my head still seems swollen!
Strange.(silence)
But are they new forces, or is it something going on habitually? Is it a new work on the earth, or is it that you have seen something that goes on habitually but of which you were unaware previously?
I wondered…. But the question isn’t put correctly. It is something eternal which, because of what happened at that time (not at that minute, because, as I said, it must have been going on long before and long afterwards) … it has become something new, for that reason, BECAUSE of what happened. [[Mother probably means because of the fact that she became aware of the thing. ]] Coming back to all the things we know, we could say (but that’s the usual idle talk) that it is something newly manifested.
But my impression was … an impression of Eternity. An Eternity BEYOND TIME (not something that lasts forever: something timeless),
Page 166
yes, the word would be: "manifesting," "making itself perceptible," or "becoming active" – that’s not it, because … Yes, acting, becoming perceptible because it acts.
That was my impression.
I could also say: something universal which becomes individual; not individual in the sense of a small person, but conscious of itself.
But the remarkable thing is that it had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with all the intellectual activity, high or low – nothing. Nothing. Nothing to do with knowledge, or observation, discernment, intellectual perception, understanding, judgment and whatever…. Nothing, nothing, nothing to do with all that. It was … a Force in motion.
“Force” means nothing! Force is something very small. It’s … the impression of “something” stupendous!
It had nothing to do with either Knowledge or Light or understanding (the whole angle of light and intellectual knowledge); nothing to do with Love (which I had felt last time and which has its own particular vibration). The best definition we could give is Power. It was Power in its most formidable aspect – crushing. With REAL All-Powerfulness; Power in its all-powerfulness, with that something unshakable, immutable, untouchable. [[Mother is referring to the "point" that sparkled like a diamond. ]] Yes, really Power, that’s right.
But Power, you understand … For example, a hurricane’s power is nothing in comparison. All the powers a human being can withstand, even probably imagine, are nothing – nothing … it’s (Mother blows in the air) like soap bubbles.
The feeling of something that can be neither withstood nor felt, because of its formidable state.
And it was quite clear that a solicitude, the supreme Solicitude, took great care to reassure me: “All is well.” Without that, obviously, the feeling was that everything, everything was going to be dissolved.
So if we use our little wits, maybe we can say it’s the supramental Power which has manifested, I don’t know.
(silence)
But there was no perception of light, nothing that might give a hint; there was no perception of feelings or love to give a hint. There was nothing of the kind, nothing – only something that makes
Page 167
you puff out your cheeks in disbelief (!), so formidable that it’s indescribable. Indescribable.
Evidently it’s Power.
We always conceive of power acting ON something, ON an object, with an object, WITH A VIEW to realizing something; we cannot separate the two – but it was none of that, it was … Power in action. But not an action ON something.
I had the feeling it was a decisive turning point which far exceeded my little understanding.
(silence)
We will know, one day.
But the explanation comes afterwards: it’s brought down to our small scale … (laughing) to make us happy!
Page 168