March 19, 1963
After a meditation with Mother:
When you meditate, are you conscious of going from one state to another? … No?
Because at the start, there is usually that vibration with all the colors, though with blue strongly predominant (the color I have come to call the “Tantric power in Matter”); that’s immediately with you, it’s a sort of normal state of concentration. Then afterwards, you seemed to recede or stretch out into a vast Immensity of very quiet silvery whiteness – very quiet and unbroken. Like a receding from outer life and a stretching out into that state. And then there comes down – literally comes down – a very intense golden
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light, very intense, almost (what could I call it?) a “colorful” gold, really golden, very, very intense, and as though “atomized” – a powdering. The three in succession. Don’t you feel that way?
I feel the second movement: a sense of expanse, it is all white and open.
That’s right. White and very intense. Very vast and quiet.
Very good.
In the last movement, it descends and envelops your head.
That blue force, that blue light, I had known it for a long time, but without defining it: it was a power of consciousness – a POWER – the power of consciousness in Matter. I knew exactly what it was when I came in contact with X [[Satprem's Tantric guru. ]] (with the Swami first, then with X). Since then, I had been able to tell without doubt whether someone I was seeing was practicing Tantrism or not. And now when I see a photograph, it’s the same thing! Yesterday, for example, I was shown somebody’s photo, and I had the same impression of force; I didn’t say anything, I asked what the man did (maybe he is a businessman in life, I don’t remember), but then they gave me a letter from him in which he wrote that for a few years he had been trying to follow the Tantric method of yoga – it amused me! It was plain in his photo!
I came across a man who had that blue light … but I found him rather formidable. He looked after all the religious rites and priests of B.’s state. He came here and asked to see me. I saw him on a December 9 (I think) when I paid a visit to the estate at Aryankuppam. I was walking in the gardens when suddenly I felt something pulling at me – and none too gently! I turned around and saw a tall man, standing and staring at me. So (I didn’t know who he was, no one had told me), I stared back and simply “answered” his impudence! And pfft! it just fell off. I was surprised. Later (I had not yet been told who he was), he asked to see me. When he entered the room, I felt … I felt a solid being. I don’t know how to define it, I had never before felt it in a human being – solid. As solid as rock. Extraordinarily solid – coagulated, an edifice. And quite powerful, I must say. Not like an arrow (gesture upward) but all around him. Then it was very funny (because there’s no doubt he must have had an awesome effect on people instantly, without a word or anything), but I answered … in my own way, with something else!
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He entered the room wearing some kind of religious headdress, I can’t say what, and intending to be very arrogant. He went past me stiffly, and suddenly what do I see but the man do his pranam. [[Pranam: prostration. ]] He stepped back, took off his hat and did his pranam. And stayed that way for nearly a quarter of an hour. And it was interesting, his response was interesting. Then he started talking to me (someone translated – he spoke in Hindi, I think), asking me to take care of B. I said something in turn, and then thought strongly, “Now, time is up, it can’t last forever!” (He had already been there for more than fifteen minutes.) And suddenly I see him stiffen, put his thing back on his head, and go.
He’s the only man who gave me that sensation in my whole life.
And it seems that when he went back there, in B.’s state, he told everyone he had never seen such a thing! That people could trust I was really the Mother! That’s the effect it had on him: something that was able to keep him at bay.
A rather funny thing was that the day before, he had met N., and N. told me, “When that man entered my room, he stared at me, and I felt forbidden to speak – I wanted to say something but my mouth remained sealed! He froze me with a look, I couldn’t utter a word!”
That’s the kind of man he is, he’s used to that sort of thing. The most solid man I have ever seen – I mean, a … oh, a remarkably organized individuality. He must be holding a tight grip on himself.
With Sri Aurobindo … you felt as if you entered into an infinity, always, and so soft, so soft! Always like … something soft, I don’t know. With vibrations that, on the contrary, always made you wide, peaceful – you felt as if you were touching something limitless.
But that man, a MASS, ooh! harder than iron. Truly interesting.
And he was blue. His aura was blue, with blue pulsations – not radiating out or upward, but coagulated all around him. A blue like the sea when it’s very deep, very tranquil, but luminous. A magnificent blue.
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