February
February 15, 1963
(Regarding a passage in “Savitri” in which Sri Aurobindo describes the universe as a play between He and She. “This whole wide world is only he and she,” He, the Supreme in love with her, her servitor; She, the creative Force.)
As one too great for him he worships her;
He adores her as his regent of desire,
He yields to her as the mover of his will,
He burns the incense of his nights and days
Offering his life, a splendour of sacrifice….
In a thousand ways he serves her royal needs;
He makes the hours pivot around her will,
Makes all reflect her whims; all is their play:
This whole wide world is only he and she.
(I.IV. 62)
What a marvelous work!
He goes into a completely different region, so much above thought! It’s constant vision, it isn’t something thought out – with thought everything becomes flat, hollow, empty, empty, just like a leaf; while this is full, the full content is there, alive.
It’s an explanation of why the world is as it is. At the start he says, He worships her (here again, there are no words in French: Il lui rend un culte, but that makes a whole sentence). He worships her as something far greater than Himself. And then you are almost a spectator of the Supreme projecting Himself to take on this creative aspect (necessarily, otherwise it couldn’t be done!), the Witness watching His own work of creation and falling in love with this power of manifestation – you see it all. And … oh, He wants to give Her her fullest chance and see, watch all that is going to happen, all that can happen with this divine Power thrust free into the world. And Sri Aurobindo expresses it as though he had absolutely fallen in love with Her: whatever She wants, whatever She does, whatever She thinks, whatever She wills, all of it – it’s all wonderful! All is wonderful. It’s so lovely!
And, I must say, I was observing this because, originally, the first time I heard of it, this conception shocked me, in the sense that … (I don’t know, it wasn’t an idea, it was a feeling), as though
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it meant lending reality to something which in my consciousness, for a very long time (at least … millennia perhaps, I don’t know), had been the Falsehood to be conquered. The Falsehood that must cease to exist. It’s the aspect of Truth that must manifest itself, it’s not all that: doing anything whatsoever just for the fun of it, simply because you have the full power…. You have the power to do everything, so you do everything, and knowing that there is a Truth behind, you don’t give a damn about consequences. That was something … something which, as far back as I can remember, I have fought against. I have known it, but it seems to me it was such a long, long time ago and I rejected it so strongly, saying, “No, no!” and implored the Lord so intensely that things may be otherwise, beseeched Him that his all-powerful Truth, his all-powerful Purity and his all-powerful Beauty may manifest and put an end to all that mess. And at first I was shocked when Sri Aurobindo told me that; previously, in this life, it hadn’t even crossed my mind. In that sense Theon’s explanation had been much more (what should I say?) useful to me from the standpoint of action: the origin of disorder being the separation of the primal Powers – but that’s not it! HE is there, blissfully worshipping all this confusion!
And naturally this time around, when I started translating it came back. At first there was a shudder (Mother makes a gesture of stiffening). Then I told myself, “Haven’t you got beyond that!” And I let myself flow into the thing. Then I had a series of nights with Sri Aurobindo … so marvelous! You understand, I see him constantly and I go into that subtle physical world where he has his abode; the contact is almost permanent (at any rate, that’s how I spend all my nights: he shows me the work, everything), but still, after this translation of Savitri he seemed to be smiling at me and telling me, “At last you have understood!” (Mother laughs) I said, “It isn’t that I didn’t understand, it’s that I didn’t want it!” I didn’t want, I don’t WANT things to be like that any more, for thousands of years I have wanted things to be otherwise!
The night before last, he had put on a sari of mine. He told me (laughing), “Why not? Don’t you find it suits me!” I answered, “It suits you beautifully!” A sari of brown georgette, lustrous bronze, with big golden braid! It was a very beautiful sari (I used to have it, it was one of my saris), and he was wearing it. Then he asked me to do his hair. I remember seeing that the nape of his neck and his hair had become almost luminous – his hair was never quite white, there was an auburn shimmer to it, it was almost golden, and it stayed that way, very fine, not at all like the hair people
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have here. His hair was almost like mine. So while I was doing his hair, I saw the luminous nape of his neck, and his hair, so luminous! And he said to me, “Why shouldn’t I wear a sari!”
That opened up a whole new horizon…. We’re always so closed, you know.
Of course, it [this vision or conception] isn’t allowed into action, because when you start accepting everything and loving everything and seeing Glory everywhere – why change!? This is why the Force that had been in me for so long for the world to progress further made me reject precisely all that legitimized things as they are by putting you into contact with the inner joy of living – as he puts it, His Joy is there, everywhere, so nobody wants to leave the world….
In short, I was able to see the situation from above, a little higher than the creative Force – from the other side.
***
(A little later, regarding a passage from the Agenda of 1962, at the time of Mother’s first great turning point, which she intended to show to one of the people of her entourage in an attempt to make him understand her work:)
I had asked Sujata for two copies, but then I realized it wasn’t at all necessary. I told you I would give it to A. for him to read, and when A. came, I showed him one or two of the latest [Agenda conversations] typed by Sujata – and soon lost any desire to try again.
Well, when do I see you next?
Today is the 15th. The 19th, you told me.
Yes, but there have been changes. I tell you, I am being assassinated with people.
Well …
The 21st, we’ll have a meditation at 10 A.M., then at 6:15 P.M. I will go out on the terrace – can you see me from your house? But it seems you can hear the music….
Yes, we can.
This is really amusing: it’s somebody having fun – having fun and, so to say, forcing me to play. When I am about to sit down, he
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says to me, “Start off that way.” So I start off that way and then he embellishes, elaborates on it. Then suddenly he says, “Ah, enough!” and off he goes!
I don’t know who it is.
When I sit down to play, I make … how should I put it? Not a prayer, but my usual invocation, like this (gesture above), I am in a state of contemplation, and all of a sudden it starts: I see my hands in position on the keys, and, “Now then, begin that way!” All right, I begin that way. Then one note calls for the next. But I have to be very tranquil. And, oh, what I hear is lovely, so lovely! But I have no idea of what I play. I play without hearing what I play: I hear the other thing.
That’s why one day I will ask to listen to the recording to see whether both things are the same.
Some new things come, it’s funny. It’s not at all like before. Before, I would listen to the music and play it. Now it’s no longer like that: it’s someone playing and I hear what he wants to play – but I don’t know if that’s actually what I play!
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