June 27, 1962
… Personally, I have nothing to say.
This is a period of study and observation. There is absolutely nothing to say. It’s a whole world of minute observations which, I hope, will lead me towards something more … positive. More exactly, it’s a demonstration of the inadequacy of the usual methods when it comes to acting according to Truth – and it goes on night and day.
Two nights ago, I had an experience I hadn’t had for perhaps more than a year. A sort of concentration and accumulation of divine Energy in the cells of the body. During a certain period (I don’t remember when), every night I had a kind of recharging of batteries through contact with universal forces; I had it again
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two nights ago, spontaneously. Then last night, when I wanted to look, to study, to understand how it worked, I was given a lavish demonstration of the inadequacy and utter uselessness of all processes of consciousness working through the mind. They are useless, they simply spoil the experience.
Previously, when I had an experience, I took great care to keep everything quiet and still so that it wouldn’t be interrupted; but afterwards it was always made use of by the mind in its typical way (not exactly “typical,” but typical to the mind), and this appeared to be inevitable. But now it doesn’t work in the same way: it’s limited to a few inevitable interventions; I mean people speak to me or I to them (I keep as silent as I can, but they still chatter away about every possible subject and I am obliged to answer), and it’s limited to that. But as it is, even that … as soon as I am a bit concentrated, even that seems so … not wrong or distorted, not that, but INADEQUATE. It expresses absolutely nothing, that’s all I can say.
The TRUE thing escapes completely.
So I am in a transitional position – it’s all very well to see what’s wrong, but there should at least be something that’s right!
I have been given certain promises – great promises. Not “promises,” but what comes is: “This is how it will be.” Great things – concrete manifestations of the divine Power, the divine Consciousness, the divine Action. And spontaneous, natural, inevitable….
This is obviously being prepared (Mother touches her body) so that it won’t put the usual obstacles in the way of expression.
But I would much prefer the thing to BE rather than just talk about it. That would be more interesting. So for the moment I prefer to say nothing.
(silence)
Many things could happen…. But how much time will it take? I don’t know.
(silence)
Last night I said to myself, “Now look, that’s not so brilliant – if we are still no farther than that….” You see, I was having an experience of (it wasn’t an experience, really, but quite a normal state that was continuing and, as far as I could see, was practically continuous) … a recharging of batteries. But there was also a kind of receiving and observing device – detestable! And I used to think it was excellent! For years before last April, everything was
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very calm, the mind was always turned this way (gesture above), silent, and there was a sort of functioning – I thought it was very good! Well, I have realized that it’s worthless. Mind you, I wish everyone could have what I had! It was extremely handy, far beyond ordinary mental methods – but in fact, it’s not true. It is still a … a gimmick. Not the TRUE thing. It’s still one of the things that keep life from being divine, so it’s worthless!
But what in our present existence doesn’t keep life from being divine? … Nothing I know of! (Mother laughs) happily, Sri Aurobindo and I were the same on this point [a sense of humor]. Effortlessly, from a very young age, something in me has always laughed. It sees all the catastrophes, sees all the suffering, sees it all and can’t help laughing – the way one laughs at something that pretends to be but isn’t.
In the end, that’s how you manage to hold on. It’s a great thing.
***
(Later, Mother again speaks of her vision of the tall white being armed with a kind of halberd.)
What was standing there was a manifestation of one of my states of being, a part of my vital being, or rather one of my innumerable vital beings – because I have quite a few! And this one is particularly interested in things on earth.
A projection of yours – an emanation?
You know, mon petit, I said one day that in the history of earth, wherever there was a possibility for the Consciousness to manifest, I was there[[“Since the beginning of the earth, wherever and whenever there was the possibility of manifesting a ray of the Consciousness, I was there.” March 14, 1952. ]]; this is a fact. It’s like the story of Savitri: always there, always there, always there, in this one, that one – at certain times there were four emanations simultaneously! At the time of the Italian and French Renaissance. And again at the time of Christ, then too…. Oh, you know, I have remembered so many, many things! It would take volumes to tell it all. And then, more often than not (not always, but more often than not), what took part in this or that life was a particular yogic formation of the
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vital being – in other words something immortal. [[Each of these formations had an independent, immortal existence. ]] And when I came this time, as soon as I took up the yoga, they came back again from all sides, they were waiting. Some were simply waiting, others were working (they led their own independent lives) and they all gathered together again. That’s how I got those memories. One after the other, those vital beings came – a deluge! I had barely enough time to assimilate one, to see, situate and integrate it, and another would come. They are quite independent, of course, they do their own work, but they are very centralized all the same. And there are all kinds – all kinds, anything you can imagine! Some of them have even been in men: they are not exclusively feminine.
At first, I used to think they were fantasies.
Before I met Sri Aurobindo they would come and come and come to me, night after night and sometimes during the day – a mass of things! Afterwards I told Sri Aurobindo about it, and he explained to me that it was quite natural. And indeed, it is quite natural: with the present incarnation of the Mahashakti (as he described it in Savitri), whatever is more or less bound up with Her wants to take part, that’s quite natural. And it’s particularly true for the vital: there has always been a preoccupation with organizing, centralizing, developing and unifying the vital forces, and controlling them. So there’s a considerable number of vital beings, each with its own particular ability, who have played their role in history and now return.
But this one [the tall white Being] is not of human origin; it was not formed in a human life: it is a being that had already incarnated, and is one of those who presided over the formation of this present being [Mother]. But, as I said, I saw it: it was sexless, neither male nor female, and as intrepid as the vital can be, with a calm but absolute power…. Ah, I found a very good description of it in one of Sri Aurobindo’s plays, when he speaks of the goddess Athena (I think it’s in Perseus, but I am not sure); she has that kind of … it’s an almighty calm, and with such authority! Yes, it’s in Perseus – when she appears to the Sea-God and forces him to retreat to his own domain. There’s a description there that fits this Being quite well. [[A whiteness and a strength is in the skies… Virgin formidable In beauty, disturber of the ancient world! … How art thou white and beautiful and calm, Yet clothed in tumult! Heaven above thee shakes Wounded with lightnings, goddess, and the sea Flees from thy dreadful tranquil feet. (Perseus the Deliverer, Cent. Ed., VI. 6.) ]]
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Besides, all the Greek gods are various aspects of a single thing: you see it this way, that way, that way, this way (turning her hand, Mother seems to show several facets of a single prism)…. But it’s simply one and the same thing.[["They are different aspects of one self-existent thing," Mother clarified. "These beings have merely taken on different aspects depending on the country or the culture." ]]
Sri Aurobindo’s description fits this Being exactly. And a few days ago, this same Being came, without my calling it or thinking about it or wishing it to come. And it seemed to be saying it was time for it to intervene.
So I let it!
During the whole time Sri Aurobindo was here, the four entities he speaks of, the four Aspects of the Mother, [[See The Mother by Sri Aurobindo. ]] were always present. And I was constantly obliged to tell one or the other of them, “Now keep calm, now, now, calm down” – they were always inclined to intervene!
Did I ever tell you? Last time I went down for the pujas (was it last year or the year before? I remember nothing any more, you know: it all gets swept away, brrt!)…. Yes, it was the year before last, in ’60, after that anniversary.[[ First anniversary of the supramental descent: February 29, 1960. ]] (Durga used to come every year, two or three days before the Durga puja.) I was walking as usual and she came; that was when she made her surrender to the Supreme…. Those divinities don’t have the sense of surrender. Divinities such as Durga and the Greek gods (although the Greek gods are a bit dated now; but the gods of India are still very much alive!). Well, they are embodiments – what you might almost call localizations – of something eternal, but they lack the sense of surrender to the Supreme. And while I was walking, Durga was there – really, it was beautiful! Durga, with that awesome power of hers, forever bringing the adverse forces to heel – and she surrendered to the Supreme, to the point of no longer even recognizing the adverse forces: ALL is the Supreme. It was like a widening of her consciousness.
Some interesting things have been happening in that world [since the supramental descent]…. How can I explain? Those beings have an independence, an absolute freedom of movement (although at the same time, they are all a single Being), but they had the true sense of perfect Unity only with the supreme Consciousness. And now with this present intervention [Mother's], with this incarnation
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and the establishment of the Consciousness here, like this (Mother makes a fist in a gesture of immutable solidity), in such an absolute way (I mean there are no fluctuations) … HERE, on earth, in the terrestrial atmosphere, this incarnation has a radiating action throughout all those worlds, all those universes, all those Entities. And it results in small events,[[ Like the one Mother just mentioned: Durga's surrender. ]] incidents scaled to the size of the earth – which in themselves are quite interesting.
(long silence)
Everything that happened prior to the experience of April 13 has disappeared, as it were, and the usual functioning of the consciousness has been totally annulled; it is trying little by little to create a new mode of operation – not merely trying: it is in the PROCESS of doing so on a truer foundation; a truer foundation, or truer relations, or vibrations, or functionings … (I don’t know the right word for it: all these things at once). That presence the other day [the tall white Being] was nothing essentially new – it had already intervened a good many times; and yet it was new, because the whole functioning was new. It’s like my experience two nights ago [the recharging of batteries], I had it for months on end; well, it was new because it was based on a new functioning. And each time (is it out of habit, or to make me understand, to make me see the difference?), each time the old functioning starts up, first of all I really feel I am losing the true contact, that the TRUE thing is escaping, and then I wonder how anybody can function like that without going insane! That’s what strikes me now – this feeling of going insane! I mean it grates, it scrapes, it makes no sense – it misses the point. It is not the TRUE thing, it’s beside the point. It tries to imitate something inimitable. And so I ask myself, “What is this? Am I going crazy? Am I losing my faculties?” And then I realize it’s not that at all! Above there’s a state of immutable and UNSHAKABLE concentration, constant and almighty, and with but a drop of That, a spark of That, all problems are solved. Then I see clearly that it’s only a demonstration to make me see the inadequacy of the old, habitual functioning – to really and truly convince me that it’s inadequate. It’s rather hard to bear, actually. Last night I had it, I have seen it again in recent days: it lasts a few seconds – just enough for a satisfactory lesson! It may also happen to make me understand, but afterwards
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I wonder, “Well, if everybody is in this state … they don’t know it, but it’s just terrible!” And I realize that the LEAST thing, the slightest circumstance, is COMPLETELY distorted, instantly distorted by the way people … work it out, the way they cause events to develop.
That’s an ever-present experience.
But this is still a period of preparation; the best thing to do now is to look and look and look again, observe and observe and observe again; and to have experiences, lots of experiences, because all that is nothing – the thing ITSELF must be grasped. We’ve got to catch the tail of the true functioning, so it can be substituted for the other at will. That’s it exactly.
And that requires minute-to-minute observation.
Someone reads me a letter, for instance, and I have to answer; and there, superimposed, are both functionings: the ordinary reaction coming from above (nothing from here: it comes from above but it’s the ordinary reaction) … and if I follow that and start writing, after a moment comes a kind of sensation that it’s inadequate; and then there’s the other functioning which is not yet (what’s the word? I should be speaking in English!) … handy, not yet at my disposal. I have to keep myself quiet, then it starts operating [the new functioning]. But when there’s something to be done, the two are superimposed and I have to keep the old one quiet for the other to come. And the other one … ohh, it has some unexpected ways! I answer a letter, for example, or I want to say something to someone: my old way is an expression of what comes from above (it is luminous enough, but ADAPTED) … but then there’s that sensation of inadequacy – it won’t do. All right. I step back and something else comes; and what comes, I must admit … it’s enough to drive people crazy! It’s so MUCH SOMETHING ELSE!
I wrote a letter like that yesterday; I took a piece of paper and wrote in my habitual way, my old way. While I was writing, the feeling that it wasn’t right came in; then I added a comment, written in the same manner, with the vision from above (a comment on a letter written by the person I was writing to). When that was done, the feeling of inadequacy lingered, so I took another piece of paper – it was blue – and wrote something … and that still wasn’t it. So I ended up taking yet another piece of paper and writing something else again … then I put all three in one envelope! I hope that person has a solid head! … But at the same time something was telling me, “It will do him good”; so I let it go.
It happened yesterday – I don’t yet know the outcome!
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So that’s how things are for me. It may happen to you one day, too, so (laughing) you’d better be careful!
It’s obviously a very good test of people’s trust, because without trust they would…. For someone who doesn’t have my experience, it all appears like first-class incoherence! Oh, it can be explained (everything can be explained! It’s not beyond all explanation), but it is a bit disconcerting at first glance.
Anyway….
There you are.
But don’t waste your time noting all this down.
Why not! It’s well worth doing – these are the stages.
So see you Saturday – or is that too soon?
As you like.
Listen, after everything I’ve just been telling you, where’s the “I like” in all this? (Mother laughs.)
No, I mean you are the one who has to see and decide.
I would like you to write your book.
It’s progressing … not rapidly.
If I didn’t tell these things to you, they would all vanish, and that’s a fact. Because I have no opportunity to tell them to anyone else – as you can well imagine! Tomorrow there will be something else and something else again the day after, and it all recedes into the past and has none of the relevance the present has for me.
Yes, for YOU it has no relevance – but what about the rest of us!
Well then, for it to be kept I have to see you.
Yes, exactly!
If I don’t see you, it won’t be kept. The results remain, but the experience itself vanishes.
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That would be a shame. But I can easily come more often, if for you it’s not….
(Mother takes Satprem’s hands)
***
As Satprem is about to leave:
I wanted to mention something curious. Since you came up stairs in March, Sujata says that whenever she sees you at night she sees you taller than you were before!
Everyone says that – everyone!
Even I, when I see myself, I am very tall – what has happened?… It is the new being. I tell you, since the 12th [of April] there is…. When is it going to manifest in the physical? I don’t know.
It is a subtle-physical being – not a vital but a subtle-physical being, and I am tall and strong.
Tell her she’s not the only one who sees me this way – many do. When I see myself at night, that’s how I see myself. Perhaps … well, this (Mother touches her body) would have to yield. But when? I don’t know.
Ageless – something neither young nor old nor … something totally different. And tall, strong.
That’s how I see myself.
And it is subtle-physical. You can tell her.
“It’s peculiar, “she says, “since March I have been seeing Mother taller.”
Yes, something has come and wants to manifest here, so I am being prepared, I see plainly that I am being…. How to adapt this (the body)? That’s the question.
They are experimenting! We’ll see what’s going to happen. This work is fairly new! (Mother laughs.)
So, Saturday then.
(silence)
This is just the kind of thing I am being told (“told” is a way of speaking – it is a knowledge; it is indisputable, much more indisputable than words and all that sort of thing): one day it will be
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concretely visible, people will see it. I am waiting! (Mother laughs) I am waiting for that.
But if I have to wait for that to show myself, well then … it will take quite some time.
Logically, of course, I should stay invisible until the day I appear in my new form. But it doesn’t seem to be going quickly. For the moment, it’s not changing … except for a kind of sensation of force entering the body – a sensation as if the new thing were PUSHING. [[Like a chick pushing against its shell. ]] Something very concrete.
We’ll see! We have to be patient.
Au revoir, petit.
You don’t need anything?
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