August 18, 1961
(Satprem began his book on Sri Aurobindo on August 15.)
Have you been working?
Yes.
Ah! … Good.
Here (Mother gives some flowers), this is the Generosity [[Balsam. Also called 'Impatiens' because of the fruit's irritability: the instant it is touched, it explodes and projects its seeds far and wide. ]] of inspiration, and this is the crowning achievement [Divine Love [[Punica granatum (Pomegranate flower). ]] ].
So, petit, everything all right? … Yes?
A little difficult.
That (pointing to the forehead) must remain silent….
Well, yes.
… Let it come from here (pointing to the heart).
I am fully confident.
Even if there is some trouble with the continuity (at times you do have to link sections together), it will work out on the second reading. I am fully confident.
Your health is all right?
Yes, yes, it’s all right.
Good.
People aren’t sending me any more cheese! [[Each time they met, Mother used to give Satprem a little bit of food: cheese, dried soups, etc. ]]
I still have some, you know.
Oh! How can that be?
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Sometimes I forget to eat it, so it’s left over.
Well, so much the better, because I don’t have much left!
I have quite a supply right now.
You better cut it up in smaller pieces. In the meantime, I’ll send you some more.
But Mother, I still have enough for at least a week!
Ah, all right. That should last until the next time I see you. So, petit, you have nothing to ask?
No, Mother….
Then everything is going all right.
It’s not flowing well.
That doesn’t matter. Don’t worry – it will come. I don’t even need to ask you: I’m sure of it.
It’s not the ideas – I can feel and see the ideas – it’s rather the expression. There is something slightly frozen.
Ah! …
There’s a thickness….
Warmth is missing.
A thickness that hinders the flow.
It must come from here (the heart). That’s what I was told: it must come from here. Not there (the head), not even there (above the head); HERE (the heart). Usually expression comes from above, but it’s not there: it is here (same gesture to the heart). It’s a spontaneous little something coming all at once….
(silence)
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Yesterday I had an experience. It didn’t last long, no more than an hour or an hour and a half, but it was interesting…. Experiences always take place here for me now, on the completely material plane. Well, in action, in relation to the world and things (it was quite a general feeling, in any case terrestrial – not universal, terrestrial), there was no more center. From the standpoint of sensations and reactions, exchanges – no more center. Everything was dispersed like that, everywhere. There was only ONE center, the highest Center (highest or deepest) – the sole Center. All sensations, all contacts, all exchanges – everything was like that.
It was rather interesting in that I wasn’t expecting it; it came suddenly when I was walking in my room in the evening – the feeling … not positively that the body no longer existed, since it kept walking, but that there was no more center. I can’t put it any other way – there was no more center. There was only one Center. It was all, all the same thing, and from the absolutely material standpoint, the standpoint of sensations – material sensations, exchanges, vibrations – everything. At one point it even became so strong that something laughed and said, ‘Ah! So that’s how to no longer exist!’
It was very interesting. However, the experience could not last because … after a while I wasn’t alone anymore. Actually, it was dinner time. Not that I couldn’t eat in that state – it makes no difference (I can eat very easily through others, for instance: it has happened quite frequently that someone else eats and I am satisfied; there’s no need to put anything inside, it’s very convenient! These are experiments.) But this was … it was the almost total annihilation of the center. It didn’t last because of the people (four, as always) bringing in dinner, serving the plates, etc. – their concentration weakened the experience: it faded. The feeling of ‘I’m eating’ returned a little – not ‘I’! That notion disappeared a long time ago! Not my true ‘I’ – my true ‘I’ has been settled up above for a very long time, and it doesn’t move from there. But ‘this body is eating’; this body which has been put at the disposal of the work is eating (it didn’t come in so many words and sentences, but still!). In short, the experience faded with the sensation of eating and I was unable to know its effect.
But I would like to know the effect it must have on the body’s functioning. It would be interesting to know if the functioning becomes wholly harmonious or … what? … We will probably see. But the experience must last; it must last for at least one day, or even two or three – then the result would be interesting to see.
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Well, petit….
Now your cheese is going to run out! (Mother laughs merrily)
If you have anything to ask, just write.
Oh, there’s nothing.
No, if for some reason or other you need something, tell me – I’m not making a fixed rule, it’s simply so as not to disturb you in your work.
Besides, it goes without saying that I am there [with you] quite consciously – and I am not alone!
There you are, petit.
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