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July 12, 1918
SUDDENLY, before Thee, all my pride fell. I understood how futile it was in Thy Presence to wish to surmount oneself, and I wept, wept abundantly and without constraint the sweetest tears of my life. Tears sweet and beneficent, tears that opened my heart without constraint before Thee and melted in one miraculous moment all the remaining obstacles that could separate me from Thee!
And now, although I weep no longer, I feel so near, so near to Thee that my whole being quivers with joy.
Let me stammer out my homage:
I have cried too with the joy of a child, "0 supreme and only Confidant, Thou who knowest beforehand all we can say to Thee because Thou art its source!
"O supreme and only Friend, Thou who acceptest, Thou who lovest, Thou who understandest us just as we are, because it is Thyself who hast so made us!
"O supreme and only Guide, Thou who never gainsayest our highest will because it is Thou Thyself who wiliest in it! Page – 79 "It would be folly to seek elsewhere than in Thee for one who will listen, understand, love and guide, since always Thou art there ready, to our call and never wilt Thou fail us!
"Thou hast made me know the supreme, the sub- lime joy of a perfect confidence, an absolute serenity, a surrender total and without reserve or colouring, free from .effort and constraint.
"Joyous like a child I have smiled and wept at once before Thee, 0 my Well-Beloved!" Page – 80
SINCE the man refused the meal I had prepared with so much love and care, I invoke the God to take it.
My God, Thou hast accepted my invitation, Thou hast come to sit at my table, and in exchange for my poor and humble offering Thou hast granted to me the last liberation. My heart, even this morning so heavy with anguish and care, my head surcharged with responsibility, are delivered of their burden. Now are they light and joyful as my inner being has been for a long time past. My body smiles to Thee with happiness as before my soul smiled to Thee. And surely hereafter Thou wilt withdraw no more from me this joy, 0 my God! for this time, I think, the lesson has been sufficient, I have mounted the calvary of successive disillusionments high enough to attain to the Resurrection. Nothing remains of the past but a potent love which gives me the pure heart of a child and the lightness and freedom of thought of a god. Page – 81
AFTER granting me the joy which surpasses all expression, Thou hast sent me, 0 my beloved Lord, the struggle, the ordeal and on this too I have smiled as on one of Thy precious messengers. Before, I dreaded the conflict, for it hurt in me the love of harmony and peace. But now, 0 my God, I welcome it with gladness: it is one among the forms of Thy action, one of the best means for bringing back to light some elements of the work which might otherwise have been forgotten, and it carries with it a sense of amplitude, of complexity, of power. And even as I have seen Thee, resplendent, exciting the conflict, so also it is Thou whom I see unravelling the entanglement of events and jarring tendencies and winning in the end the victory over all that strives to veil Thy light and Thy power: for out of the struggle it is a more perfect realisation of Thyself that must arise. Page – 82
O MY Lord, my sweet Master, for the accomplishment of Thy work I have sunk down into the unfathomable depths of Matter, I have touched with my finger the horror of the falsehood and the inconscience, I have reached the seat of oblivion and a supreme obscurity. But in my heart was the Remembrance, from my heart there leaped the call which could arrive to Thee: "Lord, Lord, everywhere Thy enemies appear triumphant; falsehood is the monarch of the world; life without Thee is a death, a perpetual hell; doubt has usurped the place of Hope and revolt has pushed out submission; Faith is spent, Gratitude is not born; blind passions and murderous instincts and a guilty weakness have covered and stifled Thy sweet law of love. Lord, wilt Thou permit Thy enemies to prevail, falsehood and ugliness and suffering to triumph? Lord, give the command to conquer and victory will be there. I know we are unworthy, I know the world is not yet ready. But I cry to Thee with an absolute faith in Thy Grace and I know that Thy Grace will save."
Thus, my prayer rushed up towards Thee; and, from the depths of the abyss, I beheld Thee in Thy radiant splendour; Thou didst appear and Thou saidst to me: "Lose not courage, be firm, be confident,—I COME." Page – 83
(A prayer-for those who wish to serve the Divine)
GLORY to Thee, 0 Lord, who triumphest over every obstacle.
Grant that nothing in us shall be an obstacle in Thy work.
Grant that nothing may retard Thy manifestation.
Grant that Thy will may be done in all things and at every moment.
We stand here before Thee that Thy will may be fulfilled in us, in every element, in every activity of our being, from our supreme heights to the smallest cells of the body.
Grant that we may be faithful to Thee utterly and for ever.
We would be completely under Thy influence to the exclusion of every other.
Grant that we may never forget to own towards Thee a deep, an intense gratitude. Page – 84 Grant that we may never squander any of the marvellous things that are Thy gifts to us at every instant.
Grant that everything in us may collaborate in Thy work and all be ready for Thy realisation.
Glory to Thee, 0 Lord, Supreme Master of all realisation.
Give us a faith active and ardent, absolute and unshakable in Thy Victory. Page – 85 |