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December 4, 1914
AFTER long days of silence, wholly occupied with external work, it has at last been given to me to resume these pages and continue with Thee, O Lord, this conversation which is so sweet to me. But Thou hast broken all my habits, for Thou wouldst prepare me for a liberation from all mental form. Some mental forms, more particularly powerful or adapted to the temperament, are sure guides to sovereign experiences. But once the ‘experiences are made. Thy will is that they should be free in themselves from the slavery of any mental form, however high or pure it may be, so that they can express themselves in the new form which is the most true, that is to say, the most in conformity with the experience. Then Thou hast broken all my thought-forms and I found myself before Thee destitute of all mental construction, as ignorant in this respect as the child that has just been born; and in the darkness of this void was recovered the sovereign peace of Something which is not expressed in words, but which Is. And I wait without impatience and fear for Thee to construct again, from the heart of the unfathomable Page – 214 depths, the intellectual form which will appear to Thee the most suited to manifest Thee in this instrument moulded of submission and ardent faith. And before this immense night full of promise, I feel, more than I have ever felt before, infinitely free and vast. And in the supreme beatitude, I thank Thee, O Lord, for the marvellous favour Thou has bestowed upon me: that of being before Thee like a child that has just been born!
LISTEN, O Lord,… in the silence of a profound inwardness, my prayer rises ardently towards Thee. Is it not a great folly to identify oneself with a form of thought, a mental construction, however vast and powerful it may be, to such an extent as to make it the vital centre of one’s being, one’s experience and activity? Truth is eternally outside all that we can think or say of it. To try to find an expression, the most conformable and best adapted to this truth, is certainly a work useful or even indispensable for the integrality of one’s own development and the development of the whole of humanity, but one must always feel free in front of this expression, keep one’s centre of consciousness above it, in Page – 215 the reality which, inspite of the greatness, beauty and perfection of a mental formula, will always elude all formula. The world is not what we think it to be. The importance of the idea we have of it lies in its result on our attitude towards action, and this attitude can depend on an inspiration much more profound, true and unchanging than that which comes from a mental construction, however powerful it may be. To feel in oneself the will to translate for men the eternal Truth in a form more complete, higher, more exact than all the forms that have preceded it, is good, but on the condition that we do not identify our "I" with this work to such an extent as to become its slave and lose in the face of it all independence and self-control. It is an activity and nothing more, whatever may be its importance from the earthly point of view; but we must not forget that it is, like all activities, relative, and we should not let it trouble our profound peace and the changeless calm which alone enables the divine forces to manifest themselves through us without deformation. O Lord, my prayer is not formulated, but it is heard by Thee.
AT every moment we must know how to lose everything in order to gain everything, to Page – 216 shed the past as a dead body and be reborn into a greater plenitude… It is thus that expresses itself the constant aspiration of the inner being which, turned towards Thee, would reflect Thee as in an ever purer and purer mirror; and Thy immutable Beatitude is translated in it by an impelling force of progress of an incomparable intensity; and this force is transformed in the most external being into a calm and assured will which no obstacle can overthrow. O divine Master, with what an ardent love I am Thy servant! With what a pure immobile and infinite joy I am Thyself in all that is beyond all formed existence! And the two consciousnesses become one in an unequalled plenitude.
December 15, 1914
LORD, Thou hast given me peace in strength, serenity in action and an unchanging happiness in the midst of all circumstances.
IT is for the Truth, O Lord, that I implore Thee. Page – 217 Restore to activity this mind which made itself dumb that it might surrender to Thee; give to it the knowledge of Thy will. It was receptive and allowed all possibilities to take form in it; then to put a stop to the conflict of their contrary tendencies, it refused to admit these importunate visitors; it said, "I do not need to live an active life, to know what is Thy will, O Lord, provided that I let the ray of Thy eternal light pass through me without deforming it." Even so it was done; the will became submissive, straight- forward, precise and strong. But now Thy will is that the mind should know, and Thou hast said to it, "Awake and be conscious of the Truth." The mind responded with joy and now it turns towards the resplendent sun of sovereign Truth, calling it into itself in order to manifest it. It is Thy will to throw down all barriers, one after another, for the being to put on the integral amplitude of all its possibilities of manifestation. Let all earthly desires assemble in me, O Lord, that Thou mayst consider them, and Thy will apply itself in a way, precise, clear and definitive, to the least detail as well as to the whole. Thus the advent of the time expected will be hastened. The whole being exults in an intense joy and an unequalled plenitude. Page – 218 |