May 2, 1914
BEYOND all human conceptions, even the most marvellous, beyond all human feelings, even the dost sublime, beyond the most magnificent aspirations and the purest elans, beyond Love, Knowledge and the Unity of the Being, I would enter into a constant communion with Thee, O Lord. Free from all trammels, I shall be Thyself; it will be Thou seeing the world through this body; it will be Thou acting in the world through this instrument. In me is the calm serenity of perfect certitude. Page – 103
O LOVE divine. Knowledge supreme, perfect Unity, at each moment of the day I call to Thee so that I may be nothing else but only Thou! May the instrument serve Thee, conscious that it is an instrument, and may my whole consciousness be immersed in Thine and contemplate all things with Thy divine sight. O Lord, Lord, grant that Thy sovereign Power may manifest; grant that Thy work may be done and Thy servitor solely consecrated to Thy service. May the "I" disappear for ever, and the instrument alone live!
TO be immersed at once in Thee and in Thy work… To be no longer a limited individual …to become the infinitude of Thy forces manifesting through a point… to be delivered from all trammels and all limitations…to rise above all restricting thought… to act and be beyond the act… to act through and for individuals but see only the oneness, the oneness of Thy Love, Thy Knowledge and Thy Being… O my divine Master, eternal Teacher, Sole Reality, dissolve all the darkness of this aggregate which Thou hast formed for Thy service. Thy manifestation in the world. Realise in it that supreme Page – 104 consciousness which will generate an identical consciousness everywhere. O to see no longer the appearances which change incessantly; to contemplate only Thy immutable oneness in everything and everywhere. O Lord, all my being cries to Thee in an irresistible appeal; wouldst Thou not grant that I may become Thyself in my integral consciousness, since in fact I am Thou and Thou art I?
May 9, 1914
JUST at the moment when I felt the imperious need J for the regular resumption of these notes to come out of this invading mental inertia, my physical organism sustained a defeat such as it had not known1 for several years, and for a few days all the forces of my body failed me; I saw in it a sign that I had made a mistake, that my spiritual energy had given way, that my vision of the all-powerful oneness had been obscured, that an evil suggestion had succeeded in troubling me in some way, and I bowed down before Thee, O Lord, my sweet Master, with humility, conscious that I was not yet ripe for the perfect identification with Thee. Something in this aggregate which constitutes the instrument I can put at Thy service, is yet obscure and lacking in comprehension; something does not respond, as it ought, Page – 105 to Thy forces, deforms and obscures their manifestation. A great problem presented itself before me and my illness covered it with its veil and prevented me from solving it. Now that I live again in the feeling of Thy Unity, the problem no longer appears to have any meaning and I do not understand it very well, It seems to me that I have left something far behind me and that I am slowly awaking to a new life, I would wish that it may not be an illusion, and that the profound and smiling peace may return for ever. O my divine Master, my love aspires after Thee more intensely than ever; let me be Thy living Love in the world and nothing but that! May all egoism, all limitations, all obscurity disappear; -may my consciousness be identified with Thy consciousness so that Thou alone mayst be the will acting through this fragile and transient instrument. O my sweet Master, with what an ardour my love aspires for Thee. Grant that I may be only Thy Divine Love and that in everything this Love may awake powerful and victorious. Let me be like an immense mantle of love enveloping the whole earth, penetrating all hearts, murmuring to every ear Thy divine message of hope and peace. O my divine Master, with what an ardour I aspire for Thee! Break these chains of darkness and error? Page – 106 dispel this ignorance, liberate, liberate me, make m? see Thy light. Break, break these chains……! would understand, and I would be. That is to say, this "I" must be Thy "I" and there must be only one "I" in the world. O Lord, grant my prayer, my supplication rises ardently towards Thee.
IT is Thy sweet joy, O Lord, that fills my heart; it is Thy silent peace that reigns over my mind. All is repose, force, concentration, light and serenity; and all that is without limits and without any division; is it only the earth or the whole world that lives in me, I know not, but it is Thou, O Lord, who dwellest in this consciousness and givest life to it; it is Thou who seest. Thou who knowest. Thou who doest. It is Thou alone whom I see everywhere, or rather there is no longer any "I", all is one and this Oneness, it is Thou. Glory to Thee, O Lord, Master of the world. Thou shinest in everything! Page – 107
MORE and more it seems to me that we are in one of those periods of activity in which the fruit of past efforts becomes apparent,—a period in which we act according to Thy law in the measure in which it is the sovereign controller of our being, without having even the leisure to become conscious of the law. This morning passing by a rapid experience from depth to depth, I was able, once again, as always, to identify my consciousness with Thine and to live no longer in aught but Thee;—indeed, it was Thou alone that wast living, but immediately Thy will pulled my consciousness towards the exterior, towards the work to be done, and Thou saidst to me, "Be the instrument of which I have need." And is not this the last renunciation, to renounce identification with Thee, to renounce the sweet and pure joy of no longer distinguishing between Thee and me, the joy of knowing at each moment, not only with the intellect but by an integral experience, that Thou art the unique Reality and that all the rest is but appearance and illusion. That the exterior being should be the docile instrument which does not even need to be conscious of the will which moves it, is not doubtful; but why must I be almost entirely identified with the instrument and why should not the "I" be entirely merged in Thee and live Thy full and absolute consciousness? I ask, but I am not anxious about it. I know that all is according to Thy will, and with a pure adoration Page – 108 I trust myself joyously to Thy will. I shall be what Thou wouldst have me be, O Lord, conscient or inconscient, a simple instrument as is the body or a supreme knowledge as art Thou. O the sweet and peaceful joy when one can say that all is good and feel Thee at work in the world through all the elements which lend themselves to that transmission! Thou art the sovereign Master of all. Thou art the Inaccessible, the Unknowable, the eternal and sublime Reality. O marvellous Unity, I disappear in Thee!
May 13, 1914
THIS somnolence of my thought, O Lord, Thou wilt shake off so that I may have knowledge and understand the experience Thou hast given to my being. When something in me puts a question to Thee, always Thou repliest, and when it is necessary that I should know something. Thou teachest it to me, either directly or indirectly. I see more and more that all impatient revolt, all haste would be useless; everything is organised slowly that I may serve Thee as I should. What is my place 1O this service? For a long time past I do not ask. What does it matter! Is it necessary to know whether one is at the centre or on the periphery? Provided that, entirely consecrated to Thee, living only for Page – 109 Thee and by Thee, I do better and better the work Thou givest me, all the rest has no importance at all. I would say more: provided Thy work is done in the world as well and as completely as it can be, what matters the individual or the group that realises this work? O my sweet Master, in peace, serenity and equanimity, I give myself and I melt in Thee, my thought calm and tranquil, and my heart smiling; Thy work will be done, I know, and Thy victory is certain. O my sweet Master, grant to all the sovereign boon of Thy illumination!
AS from a summit which has been attained, one discovers a vast horizon, so, O Lord, when one’s consciousness is identified with this intermediate realm between Thy unity and the manifested world, one participates at once in Thy Infinitude and the realisation of the world. It is as though one were at a centre in which the consciousness, wholly steeped in Thy effective Power, may direct the ray of Thy forces upon the lowest instrument moving centrally amidst its brother instruments. From the height of these transcendent regions, the unity of the physical substance is very evidently visible, and yet the body which serves as a particular instrument in the material realm? Page – 110 appears with a special precision and clearness like a more vigorous point in the midst of this whole, at once multiple and unique, in which the forces circulate equally. This perception has not left me since yesterday. It has installed itself as something definitive, and all the outer activity which, in appearance, continues as usual, has taken the mechanical character of a marvellously articulated and animated toy moved from the height of its seat by my consciousness which is no longer individual but is still universal, and that means that it is not yet completely immersed in Thy Oneness. All the laws of the individual manifestation clearly appeared to me, but in a manner so synthetic, so global, so simultaneous, that it is impossible to express it in our ordinary language.
May 16, 1914 .
I WAS interrupted yesterday at the moment when I was trying to formulate the experience I had. And now all seems changed. That precise knowledge, that clairvoyance, has given place to a great love for Thee, O Lord, which has seized my whole being from the outer organism to the deepest consciousness, and all has prostrated itself at Thy feet in an ardent aspiration for a definitive identification with Thee, for an absorption in Thee. I implored with all the energy Page – 111 of which I was capable. And once more, at the moment when it seemed to me that my consciousness was going to disappear in Thine, at the moment when my whole being was nothing but a pure crystal reflecting Thy Presence, somebody came and interrupted my concentration. Such is, indeed, the symbol of the existence Thou givest me as my share, and in which the outer utility, the work for all, holds a much greater place than the supreme realisation. All the circumstances of my life seem always to tell me on Thy behalf: "It is not by the supreme concentration that Thou wilt realise oneness, it is by the diffusion in all." May Thy will be done, O Lord. Now I clearly understand that union with Thee is not an end to be pursued, so far as this present individuality is concerned, it is a fact accomplished long since. And that is why Thou seemest to tell me always: "Do not revel in the ecstatic contemplation of this union, fulfil the mission I have confided to thee on the earth." And the individual work to be pursued simultaneously with the collective work is the awareness and possession of all the activities and all the regions of the being and the definitive establishment of the consciousness in that highest point which will allow at once the prescribed action and a constant communion with Thee. The joy of perfect union can come only when what has to be done has been done. Page – 112 We must preach to all, first, union, then, work, hut for those who have realised the union, each moment of their life must be an integral expression of Thy Will through them.
O LORD, deliver me from the mental influences which weigh on me, so that, completely free» I may dart towards Thee. O Thou, Universal Being, Supreme Unity in perceptible form, by an irresistible aspiration I nestled in Thy heart, then I was Thy heart itself, and I know that Thy heart is no other than the child that plays and creates the worlds. Thou saidst to me, "One day thou wilt be my head, but for the moment turn thy look towards the earth." And on the earth now I am the joyful child at play. Such were the two sentences I wrote yesterday by a sort of absolute necessity. The first, as if the Power of the prayer would be complete only if it was written on paper. The second, as if the stability of the experience could be secured only when I should have relieved my brain from it by noting it in citing. Page – 113
THOU art the sole Reality, O Lord, the Omnipotence and Eternity. And he who unites with Thee in the depths of his being, becomes Thy Reality in its eternal and immutable omnipotence. But for others, the order is, while remaining in contact with Thee, to turn their look and their activity towards the earth; such is the mission Thou hast given them. Then begins the difficulty, for all depends upon the perfection of the various states of their being, and they must, even after having attained to the sublime identification, still work for the perfectioning of the instrument which will manifest Thy divine Will. It is then that the task becomes arduous. All appears to me mediocre, insufficient, neutral, almost inert in the present instrument which Thou makest me call "I"; and the more I unite with Thee, the more I realise the mediocrity of its faculties and its manifestation. Everything in it seems to me to be an almost incorrigible à peu prés. And if it cannot in any way trouble me, it is because the true "I" is lying a1 Thy feet, or nestled in Thy heart, or conscious of Thy eternal and immutable Consciousness, and regards the whole manifestation with the smile of a patient and understanding kindness. Page – 114
THIS mental being which had, during the whole individual existence, the power of setting all the faculties in motion: deep devotion for Thee, infinite compassion for men, ardent aspiration for knowledge, effort towards perfection,—seems to be profoundly asleep and no longer to set anything in movement at all. All the individual faculties slumber, and the consciousness is not yet awakened in the transcendental states; that is to say, its awakening in them is intermittent, and in between it is sleep. Something in this being aspires for solitude and absolute silence, for a certain time, so that it may come out of this unsatisfactory transition; and something else knows that Thy will is for this instrument to be consecrated to the service of all, even if that should be apparently harmful to its own perfectioning.
Something in this being tells Thee, O Lord: "I know nothing, I am nothing, I can do nothing, I am in the darkness of inconscience."
And something else knows that it is Thyself and so is the supreme perfection. What is going to come out of it? How is such a condition to come to an end? Is it inertia, is it true Page – 115 patience, I know not, but without any haste or desire, I lie down at Thy feet and wait.
FROM the height of that summit which is identification with Thy divine, infinite love. Thou hast turned my look towards this complicated body which has to serve Thee as an instrument. And Thou hast said to me: "It is myself, seest Thou not that my light shines in it?" And in fact I saw Thy divine Love,. clad in intelligence, and then in force, constitute this body in its smallest cells and radiate in it to such a point that it became nothing else than a mass of millions of radiant sparks, which all made it manifest that they were Thou. And now all darkness has disappeared, and Thou alone livest, in different worlds, under different forms, but with a life identical, immutable and eternal. We must make this divine world of Thy immutable domain of pure love and indivisible oneness commune intimately with the divine world of all the other domains, up to the most material where Thou art the centre and the very constitution of each atom. To establish a bond of perfect consciousness between all these successive divine worlds is the sole means to Jive in Thee constantly and invariably, accomplishing Page – 116 integrally the mission Thou hast confided to the whole being in all its states of consciousness and all its modes of activity. O my sweet Master, Thou hast rent asunder a new veil of my ignorance, and, without leaving my happy place in Thy eternal heart, I am at the same time in the imperceptible but infinite heart of each of the atoms which constitute this body. Confirm this complete and perfect consciousness. Let me penetrate into all the details of its perfection, and may I, without leaving Thee at any moment, constantly climb up and down this infinite ladder, according to the necessities of the work Thou hast prescribed for me. I am Thine and in Thee, I am Thyself, in the plenitude of the eternal beatitude.
OUTSIDE all manifestation, in the immutable silence of Eternity, I am in Thee, O Lord, an unmoving beatitude. In that which, out of Thy puissance and marvellous light, forms the centre and realty of the atoms of Matter I find Thee; thus without going out of Thy Presence I can disappear in Thy supreme consciousness or see Thee in the radiant particles of my being. And for the moment that is the plenitude of Thy life and Thy illumination. Page – 117 I see Thee, I am Thyself, and between these two poles my intense love aspires towards Thee.
May 22, 1914.
WHEN we have discerned successively what is real from what is unreal in all the states of being and all the worlds of life, when we have arrived at the perfect and integral certitude of the sole Reality, we must turn our gaze from the heights of this supreme consciousness towards the individual aggregate which serves as the immediate instrument of Thy manifestation upon earth, and see in it nothing but Thee, our sole real existence. Thus each atom of this aggregate will be awakened to receive Thy sublime influence; the ignorance and the darkness will disappear not only from the central consciousness of the being but also from its most external mode of expression. It is only by the fulfilment, by the perfection of this labour of transfiguration that there can be manifested the plenitude of Thy Presence, Thy Light and Thy Love. Lord, Thou makest me understand this truth ever more clearly; lead me step by step on that path. My whole being down to its smallest atom aspires for the perfect knowledge of Thy Presence and a complete union with it. Let every obstacle disappear, let Thy divine knowledge replace in every part the darkness of the ignorance. Even as Thou hast illumined the Page – 118 central consciousness, the will in the being, enlighten too this outermost substance. And let the whole individuality, from its first origin and essence to its last projection and most material body, be unified in a perfect realisation of Thy sole Reality. Nothing is in the universe but Thy life. Thy light, Thy love. Let everything become resplendent and transfigured by the knowledge of Thy Truth. Thy divine love floods my being; Thy supreme light is shining in every cell; all exults because it knows Thee and because it is one with Thee.
May 23, 1914
O LORD, Thou of whom I would be constantly conscious and whom I would realise in the smallest cells of my being. Thou whom I would know as myself and see manifested in all things. Thou who art the sole reality, the sole reason and the sole aim of existence, grant that my love for Thee may go on increasing incessantly, so that I may "become all love. Thy very love, and that being Thy love, I may finite integrally with Thee. May this love become more and more intense, complete, luminous, powerful; may this love be an irresistible elan towards Thee, an invincible means to manifest Thee. May all in Page – 119 this being become pure love profound, disinterested, divine, from the unfathomable depths to the outer-most substance. May the God in form who is manifesting in this aggregate, be wholly moulded of Thy complete and sublime love, that love which is at once the source and the realisation of all knowledge; may the thought be clarified, classified, enlightened, transformed by Thy love; may all the forces of my life, solely penetrated and moulded by Thy love, become irresistible purity and constant .energy, power and rectitude. May this intermediary being made weak, profit by its weakness to reconstitute itself with the elements which may be wholly moulded of Thy love, and may this body, becoming a burning brazier, radiate Thy divine, impersonal, sublime and calm love through all its pores…May the brain be reconstituted by Thy love. Finally may Thy love overflow, inundate, penetrate, transfigure, regenerate, animate everything with the power, splendour, sweetness and force which are its very nature. In Thy love is peace, in Thy love is joy, in Thy love is the sovereign lever of work for Thy servitor. Thy love is vaster than the universe and more enduring than the ages; it is infinite and eternal, it is Thyself. And it is Thyself that I would be and that I am, since such is Thy law and such Thy will. Page – 120
O MY sweet Master, let me not be submerged by outer things. They have no interest, no savour for me. If I am busy with them, it is because it seems to me that such is Thy will and that the work must be accomplished integrally, down to the smallest details in action and in substance. But it is quite enough to turn our attention towards them and infuse Thy forces into them as much as possible. We must not allow them to take precedence of the true realities in our consciousness. O my sweet Master, I aspire to Thee, to the knowledge of what Thou art, to identification with Thee. I ask for a love increasing, growing ever purer, ever vaster, ever more intense, and I find myself as if submerged in Matter; is this Thy reply ? As Thou hast Thyself chosen to be submerged in Matter so as to awaken it little by little to consciousness, is this the result of a more perfect identification with Thee? Is this not Thy answer to me: "If Thou wouldst learn how to love truly, it is in this way that Thou must love…in the darkness and the inconscience." O my Lord, my sweet Master, Thou knowest that I belong to Thee and that always I will what Thou dost will; but let not a doubt of what is Thy will be born in me. Enlighten me in whatever way in the immutable peace of the heart. Let me be submerged Page – 121 in darkness, if it is necessary, but let me at least know that it is Thou who wiliest it. O Lord, in reply, I hear chant in my heart the hymn of the gladness of Thy divine and permanent Presence.
DIVINE Master of love and purity, grant that in its last stages, its smallest activities, this instrument which wishes to serve Thee worthily, may be purged of all egoism, of all error, of all obscurity, so that nothing in it may pervert, deform or stay Thy action. How many nooks are yet in the shadow, far from the full brightness of Thy illumination! For them I ask the supreme happiness of that illumination. O, to be a pure crystal without stain which allows Thy divine ray to pass without obscuring, colouring or deforming it! Not out of a desire for perfection, but that Thy work may be accomplished as perfectly as possible. And when I ask this of Thee, the "I" which speaks to Thee is the whole earth, aspiring to be this pure diamond, perfect reflector of Thy supreme light. The hearts of all men beat in my heart, all their thoughts vibrate in my thoughts, the least aspiration of the docile animal or of the modest plant joins in my formidable aspiration, and all this lifts itself towards Thee, to the conquest of Thy love and light, Page – 122 scaling the peaks of the being to attain to Thee, to ravish Thee from Thy immobile beatitude and make Thee penetrate into the shadow of suffering so as to transform it into divine Joy, into sovereign Peace. And this violence is of an infinite love which gives itself and of a confident serenity which smiles in the certitude of Thy perfect Unity. O my sweet Master, Thou art the Triumpher and the Triumph, the Victor and the Victory.
May 26, 1914
ON the surface is the storm, the sea is in turmoil, waves clash and leap one on another and break with a mighty uproar. But all the time, under this water in fury, are vast smiling expanses, peaceful and motionless. They look upon the surface agitation as an indispensable act; for Matter has to be vigorously churned if it is to become capable of manifesting entirely the divine light. Behind the troubled appearance, behind the struggle and anguish of the conflict, the consciousness remains firm at its post; observing all the movements of the outer being, it intervenes only to rectify direction and position, so as not to allow the play to become too dramatic. This intervention is now firm and a little severe, now ironical, a call to order or a mockery, full always of a strong, gentle, Peaceful and smiling benevolence. Page – 123 In the silence I beheld Thy infinite and eternal Beatitude. Then softly a prayer rises towards Thee from what is still in the shadow and the struggle: "O sweet Master, O supreme Giver of illumination and purity, grant that all substance and every activity may be no more anything other than a constant manifestation of Thy divine love and Thy sovereign serenity." And in my heart is the song of gladness of Thy sublime magnificence.
IN each of the domains of the being, we must awaken the consciousness to the perfect existence, knowledge and beatitude. These three worlds or modes of the Divine are found in the physical reality as well as in the regions of Force and Light and those of impersonality, infinitude and eternity. When we enter fully conscious into the higher regions, it is easy, almost inevitable, to live this existence, this light and this beatitude. But what is very important as also very difficult, is to awaken the being to this triple divine consciousness on the most material levels, This is the first point. Then we must find out the centre of all the divine worlds (probably in the intermediate world), from where we can unite the consciousness of these divine worlds, synthetise them Page – 124 and act simultaneously and in full knowledge in all the domains. I know that there is a great gulf between these incomplete and imperfect explanations and the sublime reality which manifests Thee, O Lord. Thy splendour. Thy power and Thy magnificence, Thy incommensurable love are above all explanation and comment. But my intellect needs to represent things to itself in a manner at least schematic, in order to enable the most material parts of the being to put themselves as completely as possible in accord with Thy Will. Nevertheless, it is in the deep silence of my mute and total adoration that I understand Thee best. For then who can say what loves, what is loved and what is the power of love in itself? All the three are: but one in an infinite beatitude. Give to all, ,O Lord, the boon of that incomparable beatitude.
THOU settest in motion. Thou stirrest. Thou churnest the innumerable elements of this world, so that, from their primal darkness, their primitive chaos,. they may be awakened to consciousness and to the full light of knowledge. And it is Thy supreme love that Thou usest for thus churning all these elements. And it is from Thy infinite, unfathomable heart that Page – 125 spring these inexhaustible torrents of love. Thy heart is my abode. Thy heart is the reality of my being. In Thy heart I have nestled and I have become Thy heart. Peace, peace on all things.
MY sweet Lord, those who are in Thy head, that is to say, to speak more intellectually, those who have identified their consciousness with the absolute Consciousness, those who have become Thy Supreme Knowledge, can no longer have any love for Thee, since they are Thyself. They enjoy that infinite beatitude which is the mark of all entry of the conscious- ness into Thy supreme Essence, but the devotion of the worshipper who turns with ecstasy towards that which is above him can no longer exist. Then, to him whose mission on the earth is to manifest Thy love, Thou teachest to have a pure and infinite love for the whole manifested world; the love which was at first made of adoration and admiration is transformed into a love made all of compassion and devotedness.
O, the divine splendour of Thy Eternal Oneness! O, the infinite sweetness of Thy Beatitude! O, the sovereign majesty of Thy Knowledge! Thou art the Inconceivable, the Marvellous! Page – 126
WHEN the sun had set in the indrawn quietude of the calm twilight, all my being prostrated itself before Thee, O Lord, in a mute adoration and complete surrender. Then I was the whole earth and the whole earth prostrated herself before Thee, imploring the benediction of Thy illumination and the beatitude of Thy love. O that kneeling of the earth in supplication towards Thee, then collected in itself in the silence of the night, awaiting, at once with patience and anxiety, the so longed for illumination. If it is a sweetness to be Thy divine love at work in the world, it is as great a sweetness to be the infinite aspiration which rises towards that infinite love. And to be able to change thus, to be successively, almost simultaneously, that which receives and that which gives, that which transfigures and that which is transfigured, to be identified with the sorrowful darkness as with the all-powerful splendour, and, in this double identification, to discover the secret of Thy sovereign oneness, is it not a way of expressing, of fulfilling Thy supreme will? O my sweet Master, my heart is a burning chapel, and Thou art permanently there as the sublimest of idols; thus Thy form appears to me, clad in magnificence, in the midst of the flames which consume my heart for Thee, and at the same time, in my head, I see Thee, I know Thee as the Inconceivable, the Unknowable, the Formless; and, in this double perception, this double knowledge, is found the plenitude of satisfaction. Page – 127 |