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SERIES ONE
(1932-1949)
To a young disciple who joined the Sri
Aurobindo Ashram in 1930 at the age of thirteen. After eight years of study he took up work, first on he construction of Golconde (an Ashram residential
quarters) as a carpentry supervisor and then in the Granary and Dining Room. In
1945 he became a teacher in the newly-opened Ashram school and presently works
in the Reception Service. The disciple started writing to the Mother at the age
of fifteen.
When I sleep at noon I am not conscious; if
there is any noise I don’t hear it. But at night when I sleep, I am sometimes
conscious and can hear nearly everything.
Is it all right not to
sleep at night?
No, it is not all right not to sleep. It
is necessary to sleep very quietly and well. Besides, this does not prevent
you, when you dream, from being conscious of your dreams. What is it that
prevents you from sleeping?
You
must tell me everything very sincerely and without fear. Telling me everything
very frankly brings you closer to me.
8 December 1932
Mother, I don’t know the significance of animals.¹ For example,
the lion…
Power.
the deer…
¹The disciple enquired about this because the
Mother was sending him pictures of animals pasted on the front of the envelopes
containing her replies to him.
Page
— 3
Swiftness of movement.
the swan…
The soul.
birds…
Some birds have a meaning, but it is not
one and the same for all birds.
23 December 1932
I want to know the significance of the elephant whose picture you
sent me today, and also of the parrot.
The parrot signifies “fluency of speech”
and the elephant “strength”.
25 December 1932
The dog on the envelope means: obedience.
31 December 1932
What is the significance of the picture you sent me this morning?
It is a seal — a very clever animal that
can be taught all sorts of tricks, even juggling.
3 January 1933
What does the peacock signify?
Page
— 4
Victory.
5 January 1933
What is the significance of the picture of the rabbit you sent me
today?
It is not a rabbit, it is a hare and the hare means “prudence”.
6 January 1933
Now I understand everything. I will never make the same mistake
again. I am very sad about this. Now I will be calm and try not to do anything
you do not like.
That is good, my child; I trust you and I
know that you will never deliberately do anything I do not like. So you must
not be sad nor dwell on the past, but think only of the joy of not making any
more mistakes on this point in the future.
And you may be sure that
my affection will always be with you to help you to do the right thing.
18 January 1933
I think that what I wrote yesterday was not good. Now I regret
what I wrote.
You must not regret. It is always better
to be frank and open; that is the best way to correct one’s mistakes.
24 January 1933
X tells me that she won’t make any shirts for me, only Punjabis.
Then, after a lot of quarrelling, she tells me
Page
- 5
that she will make one Punjabi and one shirt, but I want two
coloured shirts.
You were quite wrong to quarrel. I
completely disapprove of this behaviour. You are still a child and ought to
respect your elders. Besides, it is the worst possible way to get something
from someone.
You
say, “I want shirts”; that is not the
way to speak. By what right does a desire or preference dare to impose itself
in this way?
After
enquiring I shall tell you what can be done.
5 February 1933
I didn’t quarrel with X. I didn’t answer her questions and I don’t
know enough French to quarrel with her.
If you didn’t quarrel, it is all right. To
quarrel means to say unpleasant
things to each other with violence.
6 February 1933
The reindeer on the envelope is the symbol
of endurance.
15 February 1933
(About a picture of a dove)
I am sending you the bird of your name:
Peace.
16 February 1933
The cat means receptivity.
21 February 1933
Page
- 6
The pelican on the envelope is the symbol
of devotedness.
25 February 1933
I shall oppose the vital, I shall fight with it, I shall win the
victory. One day I shall win the victory over all the dark forces. The Divine
Grace is there why should I fear?
Yes, you should not fear, you should keep
an entire faith in the Divine Grace. The second point is to keep your body
well-balanced by getting enough sleep — seven hours out of twenty-four — and
enough food.
2 March 1933
Yesterday at noon I was reading a book
and after a while I fell asleep. I awoke with a start and looked at the time:
it was almost one o’clock. I had a class at one o’clock. So I was able to go. Was it the Divine who woke me up?
Not necessarily. One part of the
subconscient is always alert, and having the will to wake up at a certain time
is enough for that part to wake you.
3 March 1933
How can one change the obscure vital into a luminous vital?
By the surrender of the vital, its opening
to the light, and the growth of consciousness.
4 March 1933
Page
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Last night, I got the idea that I would try to observe absolute
silence, not even laughing or thinking. Thinking only of the Mother. Praying to
the Divine.
Not laughing or thinking, that is going a
bit too far!
I said to myself: But why not observe silence all day? I shall try
to do so.
That is a bit too much. Control over one’s
speech is more important than complete silence. The best thing is to learn to
say only what is useful in the most accurate and truthful way possible.
5 March 1933
Sometimes I become absolutely calm. I speak to nobody. I walk about
alone, thinking of the Divine. If someone talks to me and sometimes speaks
unnecessarily, I don’t answer him. Is it all right to keep this condition all
the time?
It is an excellent condition, which can be
maintained without any harm, but it must be sincere. That is, it must not be an
appearance of calm, but a true and deep calm, which spontaneously keeps you
silent.
9 March 1933
(About a picture on an envelope) Is it a goat?
It is an antelope, with the significance
“swiftness of movement”.
The
goat is “agility”.
9 March 1933¹
¹This
date is the same as the one above it because the disciple sometimes
corresponded more than once a day.
Page
— 8
(About a picture of some pigs)
The envelope I am sending you represents the
obscure movements of the vital in the nature.
15 March 1933
I don’t know which comes first, second, etc. For example, what
comes after Truth?
After Truth comes Truth and again Truth!
23 March 1933
At night I sleep well only after 11:00. I get up at 5:30, but I wake up at 4:00 or 4:30.
It is not good to lie in bed when you are
awake; it is more tiring than restful and it also increases tamas. It is better
to jump out of bed as soon as you wake up; then in the evening you will feel
sleepy and can get to sleep earlier. The hours of sleep before midnight} are the best and most restful.
25 March 1933
In the story of Prahlad the child was about to die, but he thought
only of the Divine who in his consciousness replaced the fire that was to burn
him. Death was changed into life, into joy, and through that he realised the
Divine Light. Does this story mean that through the Divine or the divine help,
difficult things can be changed into easy things, even death into life?
Yes, it is morally true and one day it
will also be physically true.
26 March 1933
Page – 9
I want to ask you two other things I remember now. Write for me:
“Do not read stories to console the vital.” And the second: ”Do not speak unnecessarily
to satisfy or please the vital.”
Do not waste time reading frivolous and
unwholesome things. Do not waste your energy in idle small talk.
28 March 1933
What does “compassion” mean?
Compassion is the equivalent of misèricorde. It is a pity full of strength and kindness, a pity that pardons
and makes amends, forgets all offences and wants always what is best for
everyone.
31 March 1933
I am observing myself and I find no special movement or any doubt
and what is more I feel happy. But sometimes it happens that the observation is
not quite true.
One needs to have reached a pinnacle of
wisdom before one can hope never to be mistaken. All of you have much to do
before that.
3 April 1933
Y is a good boy — there are some fine qualities in his character.
But one bad thing I find in him is vanity.
He is very young — he will grow out of it.
Have you no vanity at all in you that you can reproach others with it?
3 April 1933
Page
-10
(After describing a dream the disciple commented:) I have not
written just exactly how I saw things in the dream because it is difficult to
describe.
I advise you to be very attentive and
scrupulous about saying only what is perfectly accurate. It is very easy to
make things up when one is telling a dream and then it no longer has any value.
10 April 1933
What is the significance of this picture showing a young girl with
her hand on a lion’s back? “With the help of the divine power all the hostile
forces can become calm and peaceful” — is that it?
The lion is the symbol of power. It would
be better to say that under the control of the Divine Will, power is
beneficent, while without that control it harms everyone and becomes terrible.
10 April 1933
(About a picture of some hunters which the disciple sent to the
Mother)
What an ugly picture you have sent me! The
men are sinister brutes, the cruellest of all living creatures.
12 April 1933
The Divine is the true supreme goal of our life. We must fulfil
the divine will. But who is the Divine, and what is the divine will?
These are things one cannot speak about;
they have to be discovered through personal experience.
13 April 1933
Page
— 11
I have faith in my strength and believe I am capable of doing all
the work.
It is not in your own strength that you should have faith. It is in the divine force, which works in all who
are consecrated to the Divine and sustains them in their action.
I have faith that I am capable of doing all the work. I like the
work a lot; so if you don’t mind, I would like to continue.
I repeat: having faith in yourself cannot take you very far and it
is certain that sooner or later you will feel a reaction and be obliged to
stop.
First
establish the true attitude, which is to find your base, your support and your
help in the Divine alone — then all
possibility of fatigue will disappear. Until then it is better to let the
servant do at least part of the work, which you can supervise if you like.
17 April 1933
After finishing the meter-reading work,¹ I felt very tired. It seemed
to me that something wanted to prevent me from doing any more work, so I pulled
myself up and said to myself, “No, no, you must work. Have faith, everything
will go away.” And indeed, the tiredness disappeared. In the evening I had a
very bad stomach-ache. I thought that it too wanted to prevent me from working.
But I told myself, “No, you must work. It is only through work or through faith
that the pain will go away. If you rest, it will get worse.” As I expected, the
pain went away after my supper. O my
¹The
electricity meters of the Ashram houses. The disciple read them daily in order
to record the consumption of electricity.
Page
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divine Mother, grant that
my faith in you may become more and more unshakable and strong.
The faith is in your active consciousness
and your will, but it is not yet in your body; that is why your body feels
tired and suffers; you must give it some rest. Until you know how to organise
your work and eliminate all the useless coming and going, it would be better to
give up the sweeping work and leave it to a servant; or if you insist on doing
the sweeping, you should find someone to take care of your garden.
18 April 1933
This evening I was extremely tired. It wasn’t even possible to write
down the meter-readings.
If you are tired, you must organise your
work to avoid so much coming and going.
26 April 1933
Now I have something else to ask of you. Would you please write that
I should never under any circumstance touch women nor allow them to touch me.
Since you feel that you are weak in regard
to women, never touch a woman. Never allow a woman to touch you.
4 May 1933
This morning I felt some weakness. But in the afternoon, on the
contrary, I felt joyful; all my anxiety had disappeared. Why was this?
Joy comes from surrender to the divine
command.
6 May 1933
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If you don’t mind, I would like to have a stool to put the
file-box on. As it is very low, it is a little difficult to take things out of
it.
Why do you always want things to be easy?
15 May 1933
I have the feeling that the tiredness has disappeared. If so, then
is it necessary to take a rest during the day?
Yes, it is better to rest for a little
while during the day. At your age you are still growing and you need a lot of
rest alternated with strenuous activity.
22 May 1933
Is there any difference between the answers “you may” and “if you
wish”? I think that when you answer “if you wish”, it means that you don’t like
it very much. Is it so?
“If you wish” obviously implies that there
is a risk that the consequences of what you want to do may not be very good for
your Sadhana, but also that perhaps you are not yet ready to make the progress
necessary for you not to do what you would like to do.
29 May 1933
How should I meditate?
Fix your mind on the aspiration and
dismiss everything else.
If thoughts come, what should I do?
Page
- 14
Dismiss them.
Nowadays I don’t know what to write; everything I need to know,
you tell me inwardly. Then how shall I hear it?
Listen in a total silence of your whole
being mental, vital and physical.
6 July 1933
When I go to eat at the dining-room they sometimes give extra
vegetables. Is it good to take them?
Yes, it is good, if they are given. What
is not good is to ask.
14 July 1933
Where should I learn good French style?
It is taught in advanced grammar courses,
and there are also special books. One of the principal rules of style is that
in a prose passage one should not use “I” except when it is absolutely
impossible to avoid it, and in any case one
should never begin two consecutive sentences with “I”. This gives you an
idea of what you must do to give some style to your daily report!
20 July 1933
You should eat in moderation, that is to
say, without taking too much, because gluttony is always bad.
26 July 1933
Break the bonds of the limited consciousness. Illumine the consciousness, fill it with life, make it resplendent. You
must do this quickly.
Page
- 15
What is done in a hurry is never done
well.
29 July 1933
This morning during pranam I was sitting in the pranam room. Sweet
and humble tears began to flow; there were intense and ardent prayers. Love and
joy were also there. What happiness! What is this movement?
It is a contact established with the
psychic, the true soul.
8 September 1933
Will you please explain to me why I felt a trembling when Z was
displeased?
Vital movements (desire, anger, fright,
etc.) produce vibrations, which spread through the atmosphere like waves of
electricity and strike those who are open, sensitive or weak.
16 September 1933
Today I am feeling tired. I think I have not taken enough rest.
But what to do? I can’t find time!
If your day were organised more logically,
avoiding a lot of useless coming and going, you would certainly have time to
rest.
30 September 1933
Page
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If someone loses or breaks something, is it true that he ought to
feel uneasy or sad?
I don’t see how feeling uneasy or sad can
help to find what has been lost or repair what has been broken!
1 November 1933
Instinctively I uttered the following words: “My little garden is
opening to the Divine Consciousness.”
Plants too can open to the Divine.
5 November 1933
May I have some kerosene and soap to prepare a liquid for killing
insects?
Yes, but kerosene is dangerous to plants —
be careful not to kill them along with the insects.
7 November 1933
When a depression comes, what should one do?
Shake it off, as you shake off the dust
from your feet.
8 November 1933
I think that a depression fell on me when I got up this afternoon.
I can’t find any reason for it.
During sleep one often comes in contact
with undesirable forces and things, which drain your vital forces so that when
you wake up you feel weak and depressed.
15 November 1933
Page 17
What is real happiness and when does it come?
When one no longer feels any attraction
for the other, false happiness.
Real
happiness is of divine origin; it is pure and unconditioned. Ordinary happiness
is of vital origin; it is impure and depends on circumstances.
18 November 1933
What does life-energy mean?
It is the energy that creates and sustains
life in the physical organism; it is this energy which is used, when it is
consecrated to the Divine, to transform the body and its activities.
1 December 1933
X told me, “Mockery is not bad; if you never mock, you are like a
tree without sap.” Is it true?
No, it is not true. Mockery is not at all
a sign of intellectual superiority, but of ignorant mental arrogance. The
psychic never mocks.
2 December 1933
I said, “Y, we must not see the bad side of people, but always the
good.” He answered, “No, we must see both sides and then distinguish between
them.”
It is certainly very bad to speak about
the faults of others. Each one has his faults and to emphasise them in your
thoughts certainly does not help to cure them.
4 December 1933
Page
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Z told me that if I had no time to read newspapers, I should at
least glance at them. I asked him, “Is it a law that we must read newspapers?”
He answered, “I have to know what is going on in the world too; I am not a
sannyasi.”
I am not a sannyasi and I never read a
newspaper! I don’t have time for it.
It
is difficult to read newspapers without having the consciousness descend to a
very ordinary level. Only when the consciousness is firmly established in union
with the Divine is it possible to read newspapers without any risk of falling
into a lower consciousness.
5 December 1933
Sri Aurobindo has written to X that the Mother does not want him
or me to accept anything from Y. Will you tell me what happens when one accepts
something from a person?
If you want to progress in yoga, you
should receive things only from the Divine.
10 December 1933
A few days ago I felt that I had risen into a happy consciousness,
but a few days later I felt quite the opposite: I had again fallen very low.
Now I am feeling all right. Will you explain this movement to me?
It is a very common movement of the
consciousness, which finds it somewhat difficult to remain in a state higher
than its ordinary condition.
12 December 1933
Page
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Would you please tell me the reason for the cyclone?
The cyclone was the result of a violent
attack of hostile forces.
18 December 1933
Do you think that solely through an intense aspiration one can
gain silence of the whole being and do sadhana by that silence?
Yes.
Can all the impurities of the mind, vital and physical disappear
by the descent of this silence?
Silence cannot cure all the impurities,
but it alleviates a great many of them.
23 December 1933
Isn’t it true that to read monthlies and stories one has to sink
into an altogether ordinary consciousness?
It isn’t obligatory, but it is very difficult to do otherwise.
28 December 1933
When is it possible for the Divine to pour out his love upon the
vital and for the vital to be influenced by him alone?
When the vital is converted — that is,
when it wants the Divine.
30 December 1933
Page
- 20
This evening Z talked to me about yoga. I know now that it wasn’t
very good to have talked with her. It would have been better if I hadn’t done
it. But do you think it has done me any harm?
We should not get upset about the mistakes
we make; we need only maintain a — then all will be well in the end.
4 January 1934
When X was ill on December 31st you asked Dr. Babu,
“Can’t X get better by tonight?” If instead of saying, “It is impossible”, he
had answered, “If it is your will, it can be done”, then perhaps X could have
attended the midnight meditation for the New Year.
An answer
is not enough to change the course of events. Only aspiration or faith can
do that — for it is aspiration and faith that allow the Divine Grace to act.
9 January 1934
Isn’t it true, Mother, that the vital will soon be surrendered to
you?
Yes, if it is sincere in its aspiration,
it will soon be converted.
11 January 1934
What does “sincere aspiration” mean?
An aspiration that is not mixed with any
egoistic or self-interested calculation.
12 January 1934
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What do you think about the love between Y¹ and me?
Only the love that is based on the Divine
Presence can remain unmixed and present no obstacle to the sadhana.
17 January 1934
…So I don’t feel any repulsion for Z.
Repulsion is always a bad thing and just
the other side of attachment.
19 January 1934
I told X not to do exercises because his body is weak.
It is never good to tell someone that he is
weak. That is not the way to make him strong — on the contrary!
20 January 1934
Sweet Mother! Tell me what I must do to get rid of this attachment
for Y.
The best thing is to try not to think
about it any more.
20 January 1934
I think that the Mother doesn’t like someone to go to another
person’s place except for Her work.
That is because when people meet outside
their work they usually indulge in idle chit-chat and it is not good for them.
27 January 1934
¹A young
fellow-disciple
Page
-22
My sister asked me, “Will you come to my house?” I replied, “I
will see; I will ask Mother.”
In her case you should apply the same rule
that applies to other Sadhaks. See her only when it
is necessary and speak to her only when it is indispensable.
1 February 1934
Should I inform my sister that it would be better if she speaks to
me only when it is indispensable?
You can always tell her that you don’t
like to chat idly.
3 February 1934
Z asked me, “When a man becomes spiritually realised (siddha), what will he do? Perhaps he will go somewhere and
open an Ashram and the Mother will work through him.”
Our aim is quite different. It is most
unlikely that for a long time to come any new centres will be established, at
least with our full approval. What we want to realise requires concentration
rather than expansion.
5 February 1934
Mother! Don’t you think that as long as the body exists we shall
make mistakes and sometimes forget things?
Not necessarily. It all depends on the
development of the consciousness.
6 February 1934
Page
- 23
May I know how the vital works? I think it is still full of
impurities.
Thinking too much about one’s impurities does
not help. It is better to keep your thought fixed on the purity, light and
peace that you want to acquire.
7 February 1934
Just now I feel that all is at rest. What is this state — true
rest, or a formation?
Why disturb the rest with useless questions?
The mind also should be at rest.
8 February 1934
This morning during the general meditation I felt some pressure. I
hope it will not become a hindrance to my studies; in that case I think it
would be better not to meditate.
I see no reason why meditation, properly
done, should be a hindrance to study — quite the opposite. Only if what you
call “meditation” is not meditation at all, but a state of inert passivity and drowsiness, can it harm your studies; and as
that state is thoroughly undesirable from every point of view, of course it is
better not to indulge in it.
12 February 1934
What is real meditation then?
It is an active and deliberate
concentration on the Divine Presence and a sustained, alert contemplation of
that Sublime Reality.
Page
- 24
How and why does this pressure come?
If you mean the pressure of inert
passivity, it comes from the resistance of the lower vital and the obscurity of
the material nature. It can be overcome by an untiring will and aspiration.
12 February 1934
Mother, may I know something about this depression how did it
come?
The depression was in the general
atmosphere and it attacked everyone who was open to it.
1 March 1934
So what can be done to avoid being attacked by depression?
Pay no attention to it and behave as if it
were not there.
But first of all, how does one know that the depression is in the
atmosphere before it enters us?
This is not correct. You can see and feel
things at a distance, things that are outside of you. In the same way you can
feel depression in the atmosphere before it touches you.
1 March 1934
I don ‘t understand why X still wants my contact. Will she never
stop? Never mind — I have only to remain firmly on my guard.
Yes, that is all there is to do. When you
no longer have any weakness for women, they will stop
pursuing you.
Page
— 25
Sweet Mother! What is the quickest way to overcome this weakness?
Think of other things.
12 March 1934
My jealousy must be destroyed, Sweet Mother! Let me become aware
of the jealousy and reject it immediately.
If you could just understand that what I
do is always for the good of each and
every one and never for the good of a few at the expense of others, you
would very soon overcome your jealousy and be delivered from this painful sore
spot.
Be convinced that what I
do for you is always exactly what you need in order to advance on the way; then
all jealousy and envy will disappear.
20 March 1934
Mother, please explain why I felt some hesitation about speaking
to Y.
It was the influence of her external will
acting on your mind and vital.
20 March 1934
Why doesn’t the influence of each person’s external will act on
others, as in the case of Y and me? For example, I don’t like speaking with my
sister, but she talks to me; that shows that the influence of my external will doesn’t act either on her vital or her mind. Why?
Page
— 26
That proves that her will is as strong as
yours — and that is very good. By what right do you want your will to act on
others? Each one must be free. Only the Guru has the right to impose his will
upon the will of the disciple who has chosen him.
21 March 1934
Mother, if the thought, “What you do is always for my good”, is
firmly established in the mind, then won’t the mind be able to influence the
vital being?
Certainly; but in return the vital being
often influences the mind and creates doubts in it.
21 March 1934
This morning during pranam there was a
psychic depression.
The psychic is never depressed.
During the depression I prayed, “How unfaithful the vital is!
Mother does so much for me, but still it rebels. O Sweet Mother, grant that the
vital may no longer rebel and come to believe in the Divine alone.” Who
observes this movement?
It is the part of the mind that is
converted; it detaches itself from the rest, observes, judges and regrets the
behaviour of the ordinary mind and the unregenerate vital.
21 March 1934
Page
— 27
Isn’t it true that there are three kinds of depression: depression
of the mind, of the vital and also of the psychic?
I tell you that the psychic does not know depression because it is divine by
nature, and in the Divine there is no
depression.
Doesn’t the psychic get depressed when the mind and the vital act
as they want and disobey the Divine or rebel against Him?
No, no, no. Do you understand?
The
psychic may see and regret the stupidity of the other parts of the being, but
by its very nature it is impossible for it to be depressed.
22 March 1934
Yesterday you wrote, “That proves that her will is as strong as
yours — and that is very good.” I don’t understand what you mean by “that is
very good”.
It is always very good when someone has a
strong will.
22 March 1934
How does Y’s will act on me, while mine does not act on my sister?
This simply shows that you are more open
to Y’s influence than your sister is to yours. It is always regrettable when
one is open to the influence of another person. One should receive no other
influence than that of the Divine.
22 March 1934
Page
— 28
Is there a way for the mental being to avoid being influenced by
the vital?
Let the mind receive the light from above
and refuse to be influenced.
22 March 1934
What can I do about being influenced by Y?
Pay no attention to her, in thought and
deed.
How am I influenced by her?
Because you feel an attraction for her, and
her will seems to be stronger than yours.
Since my sister has a strong will to speak to me, I don’t
understand how that can be good?
That is a desire or an instinct rather
than a will.
I
am not saying it is good that she wants to talk with you; I am saying that in
general it is good to have a strong will. When you have a strong will you have
only to direct it properly; when you do not have a will you first have to
develop one, which always takes time and is sometimes difficult.
Before
asking random questions you would do well to think a bit and try to understand
by yourself.
23 March 1934
I stayed behind after pranam because you
told me that you had no objection if a few people remained. Today I didn’t stay
because Z told me that the Mother had forbidden it.
Page
— 29
I had a notice put up when there were a
lot of outside visitors who all used to stay, and also because more and more
people were getting into the habit of sitting down after pranam
and watching the others, as if it were some kind of show. But if only a few
people stay, I do not mind.
24 March 1934
Since this evening I have been feeling that a dark cloud has
lifted and I feel happy. Is it true?
You must will that it may be true and lasting.
24 March 1934
What can I do to strengthen my will?
Educate it, exercise it, as you exercise
your muscles — through use.
26 March 1934
Mother, do you want me to write a prayer every time?
You should write only when the prayer
comes spontaneously.
31 March 1934
The months are passing quickly and my weakness is increasing. How
uneasy I feel! How disobedient, insincere, jealous, weak, covered with passion,
ignorance and falsehood! I am unable to see my lower nature. O Mother, what
shall I do?
It is better not to look at it too much
and to turn your attention to more
interesting things.
Page
— 30
One becomes
what one thinks: you should think of the strength, the uprightness, the
sincerity you wish to become.
March 1934
How can there be any hope for me, seeing that there is no vigorous
effort to purify the lower nature? Why do I think about others? What good will
it do me? O Mother, I am fit for nothing! There is still no candid and sincere
aspiration. O Mother! Give me some advice. I am an ignorant and obscure child.
Guide me, show me the true path.
You seem to be very conscious already of
what ought and ought not to be done, but with you the difficulty begins with
putting it into practice. You should ask, not for more knowledge, but for the
strength and courage to apply sincerely and scrupulously the little you already
know.
4 April 1934
I don’t know what it is in me that hurts X. Since my nature is
inferior to his, I thought he might get affected by it.
Who told you that your nature is inferior
to X’s? Each one has his own nature and follows his own path, and comparisons
with others are always useless and most often dangerous.
4 April 1934
Weakness. Last night Y asked me: “How do you say, ‘Give me some
water’ in Gujarati?” I gave her the answer. I cannot displease anyone. My
nature seems childish to me. What weakness! By this weakness I am creating
countless difficulties for myself.
Page — 31
You should not attach too much importance
to these little things. The important thing is never to lose sight of the ideal
you wish to realise and always do your best to realise it.
6 April 1934
What is the significance of the flower “Radha’s
consciousness”?
Consecration of love.
6 April 1934
My sister likes to talk to me, but I remain very serious with her.
I never smile at her when we meet. But that’s how it is with nearly everyone.
You could smile at her if you smile at
others. In a way smiling at your sister would be less dangerous than smiling at
Y or Z.
10 April 1934
Mother, I am very happy to know that even a smile is dangerous. I
will never smile at any woman.
This resolution is perhaps a bit severe.
That was not the object of my remark, but rather that you should not treat your
sister too badly for she can make nothing of it. The truth is this: your
consecration to the Divine should be so complete that you no longer attach any
importance to these relations with others.
11 April 1934
Page
— 32
You told me, “The truth is this: your consecration to the Divine
should be so complete that you no longer attach any importance to these
relations with others.” How can I apply this in practice?
You should concern yourself more with
strengthening your consecration to the Divine than with working out the details
of your relations with people.
12 April 1934
Divine Mother! Tomorrow is the day of the attack. It comes at
about seven o’clock — a revolt of the vital.
I don’t understand what you mean. Why
acknowledge and accept a bad habit?
21 April 1934
I wrote this because the attack came last Sunday and the Sunday
before, so I thought that it might come this Sunday too.
It is better to reject these thoughts,
because they help to bring the attack.
21 April 1934
I don’t think that X and I are making good use of our friendship.
We often have useless and dangerous conversations. Wouldn’t it be better not to
see him too much?
I think it would be far more advisable to
get into the habit of controlling your
speech and refusing to speak about unwholesome and dangerous topics;
Page
— 33
but obviously if
your getting together arouses in both of you the very thing you want to
overcome, it is surely better to refrain from it.
26 April 1934
Usually it is X who speaks about yoga. For example: “Y’s music
comes from the vital; that is why Mother has forbidden him to sing.”
If your conversations are restricted to
remarks of this kind, they have no more importance than all the countless
ignorant remarks which the members of the Ashram are in the habit of exchanging
among themselves when they think they are capable of knowing what I do and why
I do it.
27 April 1934
Sweet Mother! I felt some uneasiness tonight. Did this uneasiness
come from my contact with Z, or was there some other reason for it?
Possibly — but as a general rule there are
rarely any reasonable reasons for this kind of uneasiness, except that the
vital has a small movement of dissatisfaction or revolt.
1 May 1934
I found some pieces of paper with Sri Aurobindo’s handwriting on
them. They had been thrown into the dustbin at Tresor House.
I hope you picked them up and kept them.
4 May 1934
Page
— 34
I have been feeling uneasy, tired and depressed since this
morning. I spend a lot of time in a state of inertia, I am not sincere and I am
restless.
The outer nature is always full of
imperfections until it is transformed by the divine Presence. But it is wrong
to let these things depress you.
4 May 1934
When I removed my bed sheet a scorpion fell on the floor. I
touched it with my sandal and killed it before it could get away. A few days
ago I saw almost the same thing in a dream.
That is what is called a premonitory
dream. You saw beforehand what was going to happen.
7 May 1934
I am often deceived by other people’s suggestions. They frequently
seem right to me, but often they are wrong.
That is quite true.
For example, I hadn’t thought of asking you about the significance
of the scorpion dream; it was X who suggested that I should ask you.
Yes, it is better to do only what comes
from deep within yourself.
9 May 1934
Page
— 35
Last night I did some grammar exercises which kept me busy up to
11:45. I didn’t feel sleepy. Is that good?
No, I don’t find it good at all. You
should go to bed by ten at the latest. Sleep is a matter of habit. If you get
into the habit of always going to bed at the same time, sleep will come
automatically.
9 May 1934
Two days ago I went to Y’s place to pick some flowers in the
morning. When I saw her I felt a trembling and immediately afterwards some
uneasiness. I think it is the vital that caught the uneasiness, but I don’t
understand why I felt this uneasiness when I saw her.
Some people carry around them these ideas
of despair and depression and are harassed by them. These ideas are contagious,
like an illness, and one catches them just as one catches any other illness.
14 May 1934
How can I avoid being attacked by these wild and hostile ideas?
You must learn to reject them when they
come.
Not to come into contact with the people who carry them?
That is impossible — there would be too
many people to avoid.
But the point is to know who is carrying them?
Page
— 36
That is impossible by any outer method; it
is only by acquiring an inner discrimination that these things can be known.
15 May 1934
You told me, “I would be surprised if Y took your advice
seriously.” Does that mean that one should not take someone else’s advice
seriously?
As a general rule it is better not to give
advice unless you are asked for it. But if you receive some advice from
someone, you should think it over carefully and try to take advantage of it.
16 May 1934
Sweet Mother, why do we doubt you? Is there anything better or
anyone wiser than you? Why don’t we believe in you?
Because the outer nature is ignorant,
obscure and foolish, so naturally its behaviour and its action are also ignorant,
obscure and foolish.
16 May 1934
When I saw Z this morning I felt a trembling, but this evening I
didn’t feel it. Why is that?
You were probably more active and less
open to vital contacts in the evening than in the morning.
If one can distinguish all the day’s movements by standing back
from them like an observer, then I think that one can soon rise above the lower
nature.
Page
— 37
But in order to get the true discrimination, one must first have a
consciousness that can distinguish falsehood from truth. I observe my
movements, but I am still unable to make a clear distinction between darkness
and light.
Yes, this is true. But discrimination
grows through exercise and control. In other words, you ask me if what you have
observed is correct, and with the help of my answers you can rectify your
observations.
17 May 1934
This morning Z asked me, “Why didn’t X drink his cocoa and why is
he taking a walk?” I told her what I thought about it.
Speaking about others is not only useless
but most often harmful.
But why seek to know the motives of other people’s actions? I
don’t know what to do in such cases. If someone asks me, I simply have to
answer.
You can always say, “Mother does not like us
to gossip about others.”
18 May 1934
But it all depends on the person we tell this to. What if he
rebels?
So much the worse for him!
What should I do so as not to open myself to vital contacts?
Page
— 38
Fix your consciousness higher than the
vital.
18 May 1934
I have decided to smile only at a few people and never at a woman.
Is this all right?
Always to maintain an attitude of
concentration on the Divine Life is more important than making rules that are too
rigid. It would be better to resolve not to smile in expectation of a vital
interchange.
21 May 1934
Isn’t it true that one should know all one’s impurities?
Knowing them is indeed necessary, but it
is not good to fix one’s attention too
constantly on them; it does not help to remove them —— on
the contrary.
21 May 1934
Z asked me, “What is that?” I replied, “Mother wrote something to
me for my birthday.” “May I see it?” she said. I let her read it. I don’t think
I did the right thing.
Obviously, when I give a prayer on such an
occasion I concentrate a certain force in it. By showing the prayer to others
you destroy a great deal of the effect of this force.
22 May 1934
I think there is also some force in your letters, so it is better not
to show them to anyone.
Page
— 39
Yes, and as a rule I do not like answering
questions about others. In yoga each one should attend to his own progress —
the progress of others has nothing to do with him.
23 May 1934
Isn’t it better to tell you the ideas we have about someone so
that you can correct them? Because if they are wrong, it is very dangerous.
Certainly, and the best thing is precisely
to refrain from all ideas about people, for then there isn’t any risk of having
wrong ideas.
Of course, the best thing is not to have any ideas about people,
but I don’t think this is possible until the mind is purified.
Yes, it is quite possible if the mind is
interested and engrossed in something more useful.
23 May 1934
So it would be better to reject the ideas I have about others and
stop making mental constructions about people?
Yes, it is preferable.
Is it good for me to see X?
That depends on what you mean by seeing
him; if it is to exchange a few words or to do some work together from time to
time, it does not matter. But long conversations should be avoided.
24 May 1934
Page
— 40
What pleasure does one get out of making fun of others?
Indeed, I fail to see what pleasure one finds
in hurting other people’s feelings. It is not nice and shows so much
pretentious foolishness.
24 May 1934
Was it right to write this to you: “A man like Y thinks he is very
disciplined. Where is his discipline when he talks like this?” Aren’t my last
words exaggerated?
They may not be exaggerated, but in any
case they are not very kind, and kindness is an indispensable step towards the
widening and illumination of the consciousness.
25 May 1934
Sweet Mother! When will the vital yearn for the Divine? May its
passion be changed into psychic love, its anger into
Equanimity
its jealousy into
Trust
its vanity into
Modesty
its selfishness into
Page
— 41
Self-giving.
26 May 1934
X used to go home with me after lunch, but yesterday he left
without me. He told me that he didn’t have any reason for doing so. Is it true?
It is quite possible that he left without
any reason. One does so many things without any conscious motive.
26 May 1934
You wrote that one does so many things without any conscious
motive. But is that really desirable? I think it is better not to do anything
without thinking it over carefully.
Certainly, that is preferable.
28 May 1934
A dream: It was night, I was writing a poem. Suddenly Y came and
put out the kerosene lamp on the table. A little later she also switched off
the electric light. Does this dream have any significance?
If the dream has a significance (which is
not sure), it would mean that a certain type of hostile force took the likeness
of Y in your consciousness. Lights going out are always the symbol of the
consciousness descending into unconsciousness.
Sweet Mother, I would like to know why my consciousness is going
outwards and also why my aspiration has diminished.
Page
— 42
Probably a part of your nature which is
not yet converted has risen to the surface and is active at present.
29 May 1934
So what should I do when an unconverted part rises to the surface?
Put the light and the knowledge on it
patiently until it gets converted.
29 May 1934
Mother, you wrote that I should put the light and the knowledge on
the unconverted part until it gets converted. I think it is You who can do
that.
That is exactly what I mean; you have only
to call Sri Aurobindo or myself and ask that this obscure part be enlightened
and converted.
30 May 1934
Z often asks me questions about grammar. I don’t know French well,
so it would be better if he didn’t ask.
What little you do know, you can tell to
others, but take care to warn them that you do not know much and that you are
not sure of the correctness of your answers.
31 May 1934
Is it good to go to the temple? The idea came to me that if one
believes in the Divine without form, one
Page
— 43
will not believe in the Divine with form as a human being, I mean.
You mean: if one has faith in the god of a
religion, how can one have faith in the incarnate Divine? That is quite right.
1 June 1934
May I take the geography books home? I won’t let them out of my
room.
Yes, you may take the geography books, but
you must take great care of them so that they don’t get torn or stained or
eaten by insects.
2 June 1934
I don’t understand why and how X has had difficulties because of
affection. I haven’t had them. Perhaps it is because I am not aware of them.
It is because affection creates an
attachment in him, and all attachment is contrary to Yoga.
4 June 1934
Does affection create attachment in me?
Affection always creates attachment,
unless one is a yogi.
It seems that there is no electricity in the vital world the
dreams are always dark.
Who told you this extraordinary tale?
Certainly
there is no electricity such as men use in the
Page
— 44
physical world. But there are as many
lights as one could wish for — even most beautiful, most brilliant ones, so
that unless one is forewarned one might believe oneself to be on a very high
plane.
4 June 1934
You say that there are as many lights in the vital world as one
could wish for — but are they real lights or are they created by vital beings?
The lights in the vital world are vital
lights, of course.
In my dreams I do not see daylight as I do here; I see everything
very dim.
That is because your vision is not fully
developed in that world or because you go to dark places there. But that does
not mean that the whole vital world is dark!
5 June 1934
How can I keep the most enlightened part of my mind always on the
surface?
Will for it, and call on the enlightened
part to intervene each time that the parts which are still obscure, ignorant
and egoistic try to dominate your being.
Why is it that you do not answer certain questions? Is it because the
question is not sincere?
Usually it is because the question is
badly stated; often it is because it would not be good to reply.
6 June 1934
Page
— 45
These last two days I have been feeling sad about my jealousy.
Feeling sad is of no use. All the energy
you waste in feeling sad would better be used in transforming the wrong
movement.
But this morning, after my pranam, I
felt very happy. Is it impossible for the ordinary mind to turn easily towards
the Divine, even when there is an intense aspiration?
There is nothing impossible about a prompt
conversion; the difficult thing is to make it last.
9 June 1934
Often when there is something to be done, two answers come. One
part says not to do it, the other says there is no harm in it. Who decides
which part is wrong and which is right?
If the psychic consciousness were fully
awakened, it would decide. But in this case it is one part of the mind arguing
with another and, at best, it is the mental Purusha
that steps in and decides.
11 June 1934
I don’t quite understand what you mean by “There is nothing
impossible about a prompt conversion; the difficult thing is to make it last.”
It gets converted for a moment and then falls back again?
Yes. The mind suddenly sees clearly and is
converted, but then it is attacked again by obscurity and falls back into its
old habits.
Page
— 46
How can the conversion of the ordinary mind be made lasting?
Persist in bringing it into contact with
the light until the conversion becomes lasting.
11 June 1934
It seems that women have a power of attraction which they throw
upon men — a natural movement — and that men are caught like fish in a net and
often unable to escape. Is this true? What is the way to avoid being touched by
this power, or what must we do to escape from it?
I think it is a mutual effect — and women
complain that men do the same thing to them. The remedy is to turn the
consciousness towards the Divine alone.
11 June 1934
Y told me that it is very good to take tea or coffee when one has
a sore throat and that he takes it two or three times a day.
Each one has his own remedies and habits,
which may be good for him, but it would be a great mistake to generalise and
try to apply them to other people.
26 June 1934
I spent nearly three-quarters of the night awake. I think that
visions are preventing me from sleeping.
In any case, it is the restless and
unquiet vital.
28 June 1934
Page
— 47
This afternoon I slept from 12:30 to 3:30; that is too long, I
think.
No, it is all right since you are sleeping
very badly.
28 June 1934
How can I calm the vital so as to sleep better? By aspiration?
And a concentration, a will to reject the
restlessness.
As for deciding about ghosts, I would like to know which part it
is that doubts the reasoning of the other parts.
These are various fragments of the mind
opposing and contradicting one another, and they are not all at the same stage
of development.
28 June 1934
It would be very interesting to become conscious of anti-divine
ghosts.
So long as it is in order to reject or
conquer them.
29 June 1934
There are ghosts who try to lead us astray, but aren’t there also
ghosts who help us in our sadhana?
I thought you were using the word “ghosts”
to mean vital entities. Those beings are certainly not the ones who can help
you in your sadhana.
Page
— 48
I would like to know how to conquer these anti-divine ghosts.
By willing to do so, and by always
refusing to believe in their suggestions.
29 June 1934
Yes, Mother, these vital entities lead us astray; but aren’t there
beings who can help us, lead us back to the right path?
Yes, they do exist, but since they do not
belong to the vital world that is nearest to the physical, it is more difficult
for them to enter into contact with human beings. Their action is sometimes
perceptible in the mind, and in the psychic it is very clear.
In a dream, I was gathering flowers in the garden of my house.
Suddenly the gate opened and three ladies came in. One lady asked me for
flowers. I answered her, “All the beautiful flowers will be sent to the Mother.
You can take the ones that are not beautiful.” But these ladies disturbed me.
This is probably the symbol of certain
forces of the lower nature trying to seize hold of what is already given to the
Divine.
30 June 1934
Yesterday I was in a very strange state: for five minutes I felt bad,
then five minutes later I felt joyful, and so on for three hours. Then I
understood the whole game and I rejected it by will-power and prayer. But I
really don’t understand this movement.
Page
— 49
Two parts of the vital being were
struggling together, each one in turn getting the upper hand.
Z told me that in the mental and vital worlds there are beings who
are against the anti-divine entities and who help us.
Just as there are people on earth who like
to help others.
2 July 1934
Today I feel happy. I would like to know whether this happiness is
spiritual or not.
Instead of asking yourself such questions,
it would be better to remain very quiet, concentrated and calm, so that the
happiness may last.
3 July 1934
O Sweet Mother, teach me to remain unshakable when someone talks
to me, because afterwards my mind wanders.
Do not identify yourself with the
conversation. Watch it all from above and from a distance, as if someone else
were listening and speaking, and say no more than is absolutely indispensable.
4 July 1934
Today I experienced the force working in me. I wonder how I did
such a hard work digging for a whole hour without taking any rest. But I don’t
understand why some trembling remained even after the work was over.
Page
— 50
The force was probably a bit too much for
the body, which found it difficult to bear — hence the trembling.
You wrote to me: “Say no more than is absolutely indispensable.”
But what should I do when someone asks me an unnecessary question?
Just answer evasively with a word or two,
without attaching any importance to it.
4 July 1934
How can I prepare my body to bear Your force, Sweet Mother?
The power to bear is found in calm and
quietness.
5 July 1934
X told me that it is very good to read Sri Aurobindo’s
messages on doubt. “It is not at all necessary to read about doubt,” I answered
him. “At this stage I don’t think it is possible to be free from all doubt,” he
said.
It is not only quite possible to be free
of all doubt, it is an absolutely indispensable condition; but before being
able to state with assurance that one is free from doubt, one should wait for a
few months at least, in order to make sure.
In
any case this kind of discussion is quite useless — it does not help to
overcome doubt.
9 July 1934
Remove all weakness from me. It is not as easy as people think,
Divine Mother, to become Your child integrally and perfectly. To do so one must…
Page
— 51
Be very sincere and straightforward,
tolerate nothing in yourself that you could not show me without fear, and do
nothing that you would feel ashamed of doing before me.
11 July 1934
It seems that there is an ego in each state of consciousness; for
example: mental ego, vital ego, physical ego.
There is also a spiritual ego, and even
the gods who live in the Overmind have their egos.
And each one must be freed from his ego in order to attain the
divine bliss.
It is not enough to surrender; the ego must
be dissolved, must merge with the Divine, disappear in Him.
12 July 1934
I think that the Supramental Gods have
no ego. So I believe that we must become egoless like them, on earth itself,
and then act according to the divine guidance.
I think it is useless to speculate just
now about what may happen in the Supermind.
12 July 1934
At five o’clock I got ready to go and watch the Republic Day
celebrations from the terrace of Aroumé. But thinking
that You would prefer that I didn’t go, I came back.
Page
— 52
I have no preference in this or in any
other matter. For each person the decision depends on his own need.
14 July 1934
I don’t understand what you mean by “I have no preference…” Does
it mean that we have to decide for ourselves whether the thing is to be done or
not, without asking You?
No. I did not complete the sentence. I
meant that I do not decide according to preferences,
but according to each one’s need.
16 July 1934
Mother, it wasn’t an explanation that my sister asked me for last
time, but something about one of Sri Aurobindo’s
letters. When I read what she had written about the material world, about
leaving her house, I was — disturbed hence the obstacle to my aspiration. My
Sweet Mother, I will do as You wish.
If it disturbs you, you need not listen to
what she says or explain Sri Aurobindo’s letters to
her.
This evening I gave her an explanation without feeling disturbed.
But obviously it is much better if you can
overcome the weakness that makes you feel disturbed, because that is the true
cure.
23 July 1934
Page
— 53
My sweet little Mother,
Yesterday evening during the meditation I felt so much love — I
felt waves, vibrations of love. But this love pours itself out on others.
Before, when I felt a lot of love it remained silent; I became more serious and
I did not express it. But this time, on the contrary, I allowed the love to
express itself because I don’t find it undesirable. But if You think it
necessary, I will turn it inwards.
The love that one contains in silence acts
within oneself for purification and transformation. The love that one turns
outwards —if one does it in a pure and disinterested way — may occasionally
help others. But most often they receive it wrongly…So you must do as your instinct
guides you.
24 July 1934
Today I spoke to twenty-four people; it is too much, I think.
Since this morning I have been feeling a lack of happiness; there is no bad
feeling, but the love I felt is no longer there.
That is quite natural — you have wasted it
right and left; instead of concentrating on the Divine what came from the
Divine, you have squandered it on others and lost it.
24 July 1934
After reading your reply, Sweet Mother, I became serious. I
thought that I should keep silent, at least for today. A moment later another
part of my being said, “It is not a real silence but rather a dissatisfaction
of the vital, for you can very well see that there is not much happiness and
enthusiasm in it.” I thought that the second part was right.
Page
— 54
Both are partly true and partly false. It
is wise to receive the descending Force in silence and concentration, but this
silence and concentration should not come from the vital’s
resentment at not being allowed to follow its whims.
This
concentration and silence should not only be full of a great peace but also of a very
intense happiness. Then one knows that the movement is true and unmixed.
24 July 1934
O Mother, I want to become Your perfectly obedient child, I want
to know Your will before You express it. To achieve that I must…
Have no preference about anything except
to carry out the divine will.
28 July 1934
Will You tell me, Mother, what to do to get rid of egoism?
One achieves it by persistently willing
it.
1 July 1934
My sweet Mother, in a dream I saw You in various forms. You were
very young, my age, about seventeen or eighteen, and yet I behaved towards You
as if I were Your child. But I doubt very much whether this young girl I called
Mother was anything more than a being taking on Your form.
It is not at all impossible that I should
appear in various forms, even in the form of a young girl.
1 August 1934
Page
— 55
I don’t understand, Mother, why I so often see scorpions and
snakes in my dreams.
They are symbols of bad thoughts and
perverted or obscure energies.
1 August 1934
Mother, I don’t know what to do about my studies when there is a
pressure, because my mind stops working.
Just wait until your mind starts working
again.
2 August 1934
This evening I talked unnecessarily, so that when You came I felt
nothing.
When I saw you as I left, your atmosphere
was very agitated and your consciousness quite superficial. I could clearly see
that contact with all those women is not doing you any good.
18 August 1934
Certainly I have no doubt that one day I will have love, but how
can I spend even a day without love? Better to die than to remain without love
for You — that is the suggestion that came to me.
That is absurd.
It
is not by dying but by living that one can realise love.
20 August 1934
Page
— 56
Everywhere in me I see nothing but obscurity and ignorance. When
will I stop wasting time? Where are my obedience and my sincerity? Where is the
peace, the happiness? Why has my zeal dried up? Where am I, Mother?
It is no use getting upset or tormenting
yourself. Only in peace and calm can the good experience return.
22 August 1934
Will you tell me something about relationships with other people,
because it is not fully clear to me.
It is impossible to give any external
rule, since each case should receive its own particular solution. The inner
attitude must be true and perfectly
sincere.
23 August 1934
You wrote to me, concerning relationships with others, “The inner
attitude must be true and perfectly sincere.” Since I don’t have this attitude
yet, I think it would be better not to associate with anyone and wait until it
comes.
You must make an effort to attain this
attitude — waiting is not enough.
25 August 1934
Isn’t my attitude towards Y undesirable? Sometimes I tease her by
giving her flowers.
I cannot see any benefit in these
familiarities — surely they do not help to raise the consciousness.
27 August 1934
Page
— 57
Somebody said that the monthly review “The Theosophical Path”
helped Sri Aurobindo a lot.
What nonsense is this!!
Can Sri Aurobindo be helped by anyone or anything? It is He who helps, he is not helped!
When I came out of Z’s house the love and happiness in me had
disappeared. Besides, this is not the first time I have been disturbed by
contact with her. So I got the idea to stop seeing her.
After so often having the same experience
of losing everything there, I cannot understand why you continue to go!
Normally what happens when You do not reply is that there is a
struggle between two parts of the mind.
When I do not reply, it is because it is
neither good nor bad, true nor false, and it would take too long to explain the
truth.
Give me Your love, Mother.
I give it to you constantly, but you must
not always lose it by continually repeating the same mistakes.
30 August 1934
Please tell me what to do, Mother, so that nothing and no one can
disturb me.
The whole being must be governed by the
psychic being and by that alone.
31 August 1934
Page
— 58
I don’t know what to do, for my being has been under attack since
last night. At the moment I feel restless, depressed, in darkness and
ignorance. Above all, consciousness is absent.
The less importance one attaches to these
dark periods, the sooner they are over.
5 September 1934
Where is my consciousness at the moment! What is the nature of
this depression and why is it lasting so long? Before, Mother, Your force would
come and drive it away. Where is that force now? Alas! I have lost it.
Be calm and quiet; it is only a crisis
which will pass with the increase of consciousness.
10 September 1934
Sweet Mother, I feel that I am doing something against Your will.
This unknown thing is hostile and makes me feel bad.
I am not aware of anything special that is
being done against my will. But you must not let yourself be disturbed. You
must will to become more and more honest and sincere, and, for the rest, rely
on the divine Grace.
11 September 1934
The mind wants to know how this crisis came and why it has
remained so long. What should one do when this happens?
Page
— 59
It has been quite a widespread attack.
When this happens, the best thing is to remain quiet without getting agitated
either inwardly or outwardly.
14 September 1934
Even when I am in a good state of consciousness, the mind is not
always at peace. There are all kinds of random thoughts.
It is behind the mind, behind the vital,
in the psychic centre that one can find the quietness that never wavers.
15 September 1934
The pressure is constantly there. Grant me quietness, my sweet
Mother.
I never cease pouring peace and quietness
and calm on you why don’t you accept them?
17 September 1934
What must I do to accept the peace and quietness and calm?
Want them sincerely and integrally — not
only with one part of your being.
Last night I talked with X until 11:40, But in spite of that — no
sleep!
Staying up late is surely not the way to
prepare yourself to sleep well.
17 September 1934
Page
— 60
I must have felt something during my pranam,
because afterwards I wept. O my sweet Mother, why?
Because during the pranam
I reestablished the contact between your ordinary
consciousness and the psychic consciousness.
The
extreme sweetness of the psychic consciousness always makes the outer
consciousness weep with emotion.
21 September 1934
For a long time I have
been aspiring with all my heart, Mother, for You to grant me Your love and
peace.
My love and peace are always with you — it
is for you to learn to receive them.
22 September 1934
This morning Y came up to me and I spoke freely with her. Then as
I was speaking, I felt as if I were surrounded by fire. I felt feverish almost
the whole day. All these things come through contact with her, I think, so I
ought to avoid her.
Rather than avoiding this person or that,
to no great effect, it would be so much better to change your consciousness, to
close it to all these influences and keep it open only to the Divine!
23 September 1934
For several days I have been feeling that Z has an attraction for me.
Since You wrote, “Rather than avoiding this person or that…”, I thought I could
talk to her and thus gradually come to the true attitude.
Mother…love.
Page
— 61
If it is divine love that you mean, one can
obtain it only by renouncing human love, which is a travesty and caricature of
it.
26 September 1934
O Mother, I want to act according to Your will and nothing else.
Then quickly leave the path you have taken
— do not waste your time wandering about and talking to girls. Start working in
earnest again, study, educate yourself. occupy your mind with interesting and
useful things rather than useless chit-chat, and do not give false excuses for
your vital attractions. If your wish is truly sincere, you may be sure that you
will have my force to help you to conquer.
27 September 1934
When will my being, which has gone astray, return to the path
leading straight to You?
Nothing could be easier — you have only to
decide resolutely that you want nothing but the divine life and turn away from
everything else. You are sure to find me immediately.
29 September 1934
Because my nature is weak, it becomes difficult to renounce
ordinary things. But it is sure that I want only You; if You are not there
death and nothing else.
There is no question of dying. Leaving
your body is not a solution; you remain with your desires and it is worse. It
is
Page
— 62
much more reasonable and true to let your
desires die, understanding how useless and stupid they are.
Since
you want the Divine Life so much, you need not be afraid of failure, for a
sincere and sustained aspiration is always fulfilled.
Make
a firm resolution to overcome your weaknesses and you will see that it is not
so difficult as it seems. My force is with you to overcome the obstacles, and
also my blessings.
29 September 1934
Today I did not study. I still have a headache. I often lose
courage and wish that the Sudarshan Chakra¹ would
come and put me to sleep for ever.
To have so little courage at your — age it
is shameful!
Rest
if you are tired, but never lose the will for victory.
13 October 1934
I am very much interested in writing and reading stories. Then I
forget the pain.
Which proves that your pain is at least
three-fourths imaginary.
So the only question about continuing to write or read like this,
if You approve, is that of time — writing stories takes a lot of time.
I see no harm in your reading and telling
stories, but it should not interfere with your studies. Besides, to develop
your style you can very well write any stories you please.
15 October 1934
¹The lethal
weapon of Sri Krishna.
Page
— 63
O Mother, make me understand this imaginary illness. I don’t understand
it at all.
You think that you are ill and that
increases the illness. When you forget the illness, it goes away almost
completely.
15 October 1934
This morning X offered me some betel. I told her that Mother
forbids it. “No, one can take it sometimes,” she said; “then you can wash your
mouth before going to pranam.”
What hypocrisy!! IT IS SHAMEFUL.
O Mother, how can one hope for Your love with such open
disobedience! Why press others to act against Your will?
Yes, it is very base. It is because of
such actions, constantly repeated, that these people never make any progress.
16 October 1934
I
think that illnesses of the physical body are mostly imaginary. So if one
always remained outside the body, as one does during sleep, probably one would
never feel ill. It is only a matter of remaining outside the body.
It is not remaining outside the body that cures illness. it is
thinking in the true way and refusing everything in one’s thought that could
give support to the illness.
18 October 1934
Page
— 64
My mind is busy from time to time with the story I have started
writing. But is it good for it to be occupied in this way?
It is better for it to be occupied with
that, if your story is interesting,
than with flirtation or nonsense.
20 October 1934
O Mother, why don’t I feel Your love?
Because you are looking for it in the
wrong place, or under a false form.
I feel that I am alone, wandering here and there.
The vital must have decided that my love
would express itself in a particular way, and as it did not happen that way,
the vital says, “There is no love!”
20 October 1934
I think, Mother, that there are three states of consciousness for
feeling Your love. In the first, a man is only an ordinary human being and feels
nothing whether he sees You or not. In the second, he feels something if he
does not see You for a long time. In the third, he does not need Your physical
body — in the extreme fire of love Your body and his physical body are
dissolved in a soul-communion. I think, Mother, that man does not need Your
physical body, since You are already in his heart.
That is not quite true. If there were not
something more in the physical contact than in the inner contact, there would
have been no reason for me to take a body upon earth.
23 October 1934
Page
— 65
You wrote to me: “Making an effort consists in refusing to do
anything that leads you away from the Divine.” I have thought about this, but I
don’t understand it.
Every time I answer one of your questions,
you tell me that you don’t understand my reply. What to do? You must learn to
reflect a little and enter into a deeper kind of thought.
Y¹
has just written to me about the great number of novels you read. I do not
think that this kind of reading is good for you — and if it is to study style,
as you told me, an attentive study of one good book by a good author, done
carefully, teaches much more than this hasty and superficial reading.
25 October 1934
O Mother, what shall I do? I try to understand but I don’t
succeed. It is the same with my studies.
It is because your mind has not been
sufficiently trained in the discipline of study.
I had two reasons for reading novels, to learn words and style.
In order to learn you must read with great
care and carefully choose what you read.
25 October 1934
Mother, what is this discipline I must learn in order to
understand better?
The discipline of intellectual study as it
is practised in colleges in France. You can talk to Z about it; he will explain
it to you.
¹The Ashram
librarian.
Page
— 66
There is a good writer in Gujarati — I could study his books. X
told me that his style is like Anatole France’s.
Really! If he writes like Anatole France he must truly be a marvellous writer!
26 October 1934
Since my illness was imaginary, it is beyond my mental capacities
to understand why You gave me permission to take Sudarshan.¹
Because your body did not know that the
illness was imaginary, and it needed a remedy in order to believe in the
possibility of being cured.
26 October 1934
Is it good to be “obliging” or to help other people?
It is certainly better to be obliging than
to be intensely selfish. But even in being obliging one should observe
moderation.
At the moment there is not a single psychic element in my
activity. O Mother, let nothing in me consent to lower activities.
Yes, you must never yield to the lower nature,
not only when it manifests in you but also when it manifests in others. Never
listen to bad advice, never follow bad examples, never accept any other
influence than that of the Divine, and your uneasiness will disappear.
30 October 1934
¹An Ayurvedic medicine.
Page
— 67
X is the only one who gives me advice and sets an example and I am
under his influence.
It makes little difference from whom the
influence comes; do not accept it.
This morning X asked me to tell him whenever I feel depressed.
I see no use in speaking about your
depressions to other people. It can help neither you nor them.
30 October 1934
O Mother, what should I do? I am completely unconscious. Mother,
where are You?
In your psychic being — I am always present
there. It is there that you can find me and must find me, and when you have
found me there, in the depths of your heart, you will also recognise me in my
physical form.
31 October 1934
But how can I enter the psychic centre when there is a black veil
between the psychic and the integral being? (The Mother substituted the word
“external” for “integral” and commented 
Integral means complete, entire, omitting nothing, total the external being
is very far from being integral. When we speak of “the integral being”, we mean
the being in its totality, from the physical body to the true Self, the Divine
Consciousness.
31 October 1934
Page
— 68
You write “the true Self, the Divine Consciousness” does that mean
the true soul, the psychic?
No, it is not the same thing. In several
of his messages Sri Aurobindo has explained the
difference between the psychic being, which is the divine element in man, and
the states of being that belong to the overhead regions. Study Sri Aurobindo’s messages and books a little (instead of reading
novels) — then you won’t ask me unnecessary questions.
1 November 1934
Of course, it is natural that I am very far away from You. First I
must have a true attitude towards You and a perfect opening — which I lack. O
Mother, where are You, and where am I?
You are not so far from me as you think.
You have only to calm the agitation of your mind and vital a little, remain a
bit quiet and concentrated, and at once you will find my presence within you
and around you.
1 November 1934
Do You think I should stop reading Gujarati literature?
It all depends on the effect that this
literature has on your imagination. If it fills your head with undesirable
ideas and your vital with desires, it is certainly better to stop reading this
kind of books.
2 November 1934
Even when one is identified with You, is it true that one can do
actions that are not consecrated to You?
Page
— 69
No, after identification it is impossible.
2 November 1934
O Mother, I want to identify myself with
You in such a way that I shall see You in every action.
It would be more correct to say that you
would be able to act only according to my will.
3 November 1934
Mother, I have been searching for You since yesterday evening, but
I do not find You and I feel alone, without support.
All these are false imaginations. If you
told yourself, on the contrary, that I am always with you (which is true), it
would help you to become conscious of my presence.
9 November 1934
O Mother, I am sad now because I don’t believe what You tell me.
But what can I do, the thing is not clear to me. This shows that I have no
faith in You. Of course, I still have many things to learn.
You have everything, absolutely everything still to learn. Above all you
have to educate a mind that is still raw, ignorant and obscure, and has all the
impudence of ignorance.
O Thou, whom we must know, understand, realise…
The first thing you must do is to learn a
little humility and to recognise that you know nothing — you read words, you read prayers,
Page
— 70
and you repeat the words, you
copy the prayers, but you do not
understand them; you mix up all these ideas and notions in a brain that is still
like a child’s, and then you have the illusion of understanding!
15 November 1934
On the days when I do not study, I feel uneasy. But when I begin
to study, happiness comes. I don’t understand this process.
What do you mean by process? It is not a
process; the disappearance of the uneasiness is the very natural result of
concentrating the mind on study, which on the one hand provides it with a
healthy activity, and on the other draws its attention away from this morbid
contemplation of the little physical ego.
3 December 1934
O Mother, where are the joy and the love that filled my whole
being last night during meditation? I have never known how to receive and keep
what You give me.
You know how to receive, since you feel
the presence of love and joy, but you do not seem to know how to keep them. You
must learn to treasure in yourself silently what you have received.
4 December 1934
Please explain to me how I lose what I receive.
By dissipation — by throwing out, either
in thoughts, words or actions, the force and energy you have received.
4 December 1934
Page
— 71
I have the idea that the divine peace will not reign over the
whole of the earth.
What do you know about it? Can your mind have
any knowledge of the future? And especially the supramental
future!
7 December 1934
This morning I told Y that Mother had told me that She does not
know what will happen to this Ashram in the future. “How is it possible?” he said,
“I cannot believe that She knows nothing about the work for which she has taken
a body on earth.”
I do not think that I said any such thing.
You must have misunderstood me. But Y is wrong to believe that I came upon
earth to establish an Ashram! That would really be a very paltry objective.
8 December 1934
Mother, will You explain how looking at pictures can be harmful?
Naturally it depends on what the pictures
are; but most often they are concerned only with things of the ordinary life
and so they draw the consciousness towards that.
10 December 1934
O Mother, my sweet Mother, when shall I become one with You, when
shall I live in You and for You?
You must will with persistence, but not get
impatient. Through calm determination you will achieve it more quickly.
Page
— 72
By getting restless, one wastes more time than one
saves.
13 December 1934
Mother, is it good to go to Z’s house to read the poems he has
written in Gujarati?
It all depends on the effect it has on
you. If you come away feeling more peaceful and content, it is all right. If,
on the contrary, it makes you feel melancholy and dissatisfied, it would be
better not to go there. You have only to observe and see how it affects you,
then decide accordingly.
13 December 1934
May I know, Mother, the conditions for the Supermind
to descend in me? When I heard that the Supermind
would descend in a relatively short time, I felt extremely happy.
It is better not to speak of these things.
All sincere spiritual effort towards an increase of consciousness is a
preparation.
18 December 1934
Will You explain why the joy and love in me get attacked by obscurity?
I am not aware of having done anything, and it is not possible for the
happiness and love to withdraw for no reason.
No, nothing withdraws; it is the physical
being which is unable, by nature, to hold the joy and love for very long,
unless it is completely governed by the psychic.
It is only after getting up that my condition changes.
Page
— 73
Yes, it is particularly at night that the
physical being falls into obscurity and unconsciousness.
I don’t understand why, just after so much happiness, so much
disturbance comes. This is not the first time it has happened.
The movements of consciousness are like a
pendulum. The more it swings in one direction, the more it swings back in the
opposite direction.
19 December 1934
By what signs can one tell that the psychic being has come to the
surface?
One feels peaceful and happy, full of
trust, full of a deep and true benevolence, and very close to the divine
presence.
20 December 1934
In my dream I saw that You had written, “My dear child, why have
you stopped studying?” You had written much more, and I would like You to write
it here, if possible.
Yes, last night I asked you why you had
not studied, and I said that to yield like that to the impulses of the vital
was certainly not the way to control it. You must create a discipline for
yourself and impose it on yourself at all costs if you want to put an end to
vital bad will and mental depression. Without discipline one can do nothing in
life, and all yoga is impossible.
22 December 1934
Page
— 74
For physical work it is not difficult to follow the discipline,
but for study it becomes difficult when I feel disturbed. All the same, I have
decided that on the days when I do not study, I will not eat my lunch.
What a funny idea! To punish your body for
a fault that the vital has committed! It is not fair.
22 December 1934
X told me that for the last few days everything has been done
according to Your will. But I think just the opposite — that very few things
are done according to Your divine law. (I didn’t tell him that.)
You were right not to tell him; but it is
quite true that in this world very little is done according to the divine will.
27 December 1934
Tell me, Mother, what am I?
Outwardly, you are an unconscious child
striving to become conscious.
Inwardly, you are an eternal soul
attempting to manifest in a body.
7 January 1935
I thought that the soul was always in the body, that there would
be no existence without its presence.
Certainly the soul is in the body, but it
is not manifested} its presence is not evident and has very little effect on
the life of the body.
Page — 75
Which part of the being aspires for love, for peace?
It is that part on any plane (physical,
vital or mental) which is open to the psychic influence.
7 January 1935
May I know, Mother, how many centuries ago You descended upon
earth?
I have never left the earth since it was
formed.
10 January 1935
It is said that Krishna, Buddha and Jesus Christ were Avatars. So
weren’t these people yourself?
Krishna was an Avatar, but Buddha and
Christ were only emanations. As for the second part of your question, I have no
idea what you mean.
11 January 1935
I would like to know exactly what You mean by remaining calm.
It means not to get agitated — I mean
above all psychologically}, in your feelings and thoughts.
14 January 1935
How does one change the sex-centre and its energy into a mass and
a movement of the inner Light, into a creative power, into a pure divine Ananda?
By the gradual infusion of light into the
centre.
15 January 1935
Page
— 76
I nearly always feel upset or depressed, and I am afraid of
disturbing other people.
That is a very laudable sentiment — but
the best thing would be to get yourself out of the depression so that there
won’t be any risk of passing it on to others.
16 January 1935
Just this morning there is a very big depression, so it is
becoming impossible to study. O Mother, what shall I do?
Force yourself to study and your
depression will go away. Can you imagine a student in college coming and
telling his teacher, “Sir, I didn’t do my homework today because I felt
depressed”?
Surely
the teacher would punish him most severely.
16 January 1935
My being is falling into a lower and lower state of consciousness.
Don’t you find that you are thinking a bit
too much about yourself? You remind me of a hypochondriac always feeling his pulse
to see whether he has a temperature.
17 January 1935
Certainly I think too much about my own movements. In the future I
will inform You about a movement only once. But it won’t be easy for me not to
think about it.
It won’t help at all not to inform me if
you go on thinking about it.
Page
— 77
On the contrary, if you tell me about
it, I can help you more easily.
18 January 1935
Is it true that at one time the Divine ruled everywhere — the “Satyayuga”?
Certainly not on earth.
Does the soul never come to an end? Must it always take a body?
Not necessarily; but the soul needs to
have achieved a very high degree of
perfection before it has the power to choose whether to return to the
physical life or to rest outside the manifestation.
23 January 1935
I thought that the soul was perfect in its nature. I don’t
understand “the ascension of the soul towards the truth from which it springs”.
The essence of the soul is divine, but the
soul (the psychic being) grows through all the forms of evolution; it becomes
more and more individualised and increasingly conscious of itself and its
origin.
24 January 1935
I think that Your action changes according to my state of
consciousness. I see a great difference when I am in a good mood and when I am
depressed.
Page
— 78
It is not my action that changes, but your
way of seeing it.
25 January 1935
I think that You do not like it very much when I do not apply
myself to my studies.
Studies strengthen the mind and turn its
concentration away from the impulses and desires of the vital. Concentrating on
study is one of the most powerful ways of controlling the mind and the vital;
that is why it is so important to study.
28 January 1935
Something in me likes to help other people. But it is not
desirable.
It is the sign of a very good nature, but
to be able to do it safely one needs to have complete control over oneself.
30 January 1935
There is so much to be done, and I am wasting my time in vain.
When will my actions be in harmony with You, Mother?
It is a matter of will. You must cultivate
and strengthen your will — then your time will no longer be wasted in vain.
30 January 1935
My mind does not become peaceful, I think, because I do not study
hard enough. Studying does not give me much pleasure.
Page — 79
One does not study for the sake of
pleasure — one studies in order to learn and to develop one’s brain.
1 February 1935
When You were small, in Your childhood, did you know that You were
the incarnate Divine?
I was conscious.
2 February 1935
I usually become aware of a movement only after doing the action.
If I waited just a minute before acting, I could avoid these wrong movements.
Yes, it is very good to learn the habit of
pausing a few seconds before acting in order to ask oneself whether the action
is truly helpful from the standpoint of spiritual life.
4 February 1935
It is said that knowledge is already within us, but I think that
knowledge is received by the soul and transmitted to the mind and vital.
I see no contradiction in these ideas. The
Truth is received by the psychic, which transmits it to the mind and vital.
6 February 1935
“The psychic is not, by definition, that part which is in direct
touch with the supramental plane.…The psychic part of
us is something that comes direct from the Divine and is in touch with the
Divine.” (Sri Aurobindo) I don’t know the difference between the Supermind
and the Divine.
Page
— 80
The Divine spoken of here is that which
has been in contact with the earth from the beginning of time; the Supermind is a new aspect of the Divine, which up to now
has not been manifested upon earth.
7 February 1935
What fun life is! It is fun to see the soul in evolution.
Everything is interesting. Who feels like this the mind?
Yes, it is the mind, but with a first
influence of the flame of Agni.
8 February 1935
How can the human mind say that it is fun to see the soul
developing, when the soul is above the mind?
When the mind says this, it is referring
to the vital soul, because that is what develops in life.
Mother, I would like to know something about this flame of Agni.
It is the flame of purification, the will
for progress.82
9 February 1935
What You mean by “vital soul” is the vital being, I think.
The vital soul is what the ancients called
the “anima”, that which animates, gives life to the body. It
is also sometimes called the etheric being.
11 February 1935
Page
— 81
The inner development is the most important thing, for through
that we receive Your love and peace, not through any outer thing. The joy that
comes through outer things, through Your outer actions, is not of divine or
spiritual origin. The proof of this is that when Your actions change we feel
upset.
Absurd!!!!
You
are mixing up two different things. I can assure you that my action, whether
inner or outer, is always of divine origin}. The disturbance you feel is not
proof of a lack of divinity in the action, but of a lack of plasticity and
receptivity in your mind, your vital and your physical.
I think it is the physical consciousness that is active now and finding
fault with You. The disturbance is still — there I don’t know how to shake it
off.
The only way to save yourself from these
disturbances is through true humility — the humility that consists in knowing
that at the moment you are utterly incapable of understanding me and that it is
presumptuous stupidity to try to judge me.
13 February 1935
I am completely ignorant, totally lacking in consciousness — so in
this condition how can I understand and judge You!
Do not get upset — keep calm. Certainly
the part of you that is speaking now has never tried to judge me.
Page
— 82
It is in calm that one can unify one’s being around the highest aspiration.
14 February 1935
I would like to know which parts try to judge You.
A part of the physical mind and the most
material vital.
15 February 1935
O Mother, when will I become humble?
It will come soon, I think, since you have
recognised your mistake.
15 February 1935
I would like to know what You mean by “the most material vital”.
It is the part of the vital that is
closest to the physical consciousness, the part that gives life to the body.
16 February 1935
Is it desirable to talk with Y about Yoga?
I do not think that it is good for you to
talk to people about Yoga in this way — it gives you the illusion that you have
something to teach them and it does not foster humility in you.
18 February 1935
It is quite impossible for me to study, because inertia is there.
Page
— 83
If you do not study, the inertia will go
on increasing.
4 March 1935
What is meant by “beauty” in “to bring the Divine Love and Beauty
and Ananda”?
There is a beauty on every plane of the being
right up to the Divine himself. Material beauty is but a very poor translation
of that beauty.
5 March 1935
Isn’t it undesirable if Y sometimes talks to me about his sadhana?
As long as you do not give him any advice,
it does not matter much. As a general rule, however, the less one speaks about sadhana the better.
6 March 1935
Is it possible to progress without encountering obstacles and
difficulties?
No. Difficulties do arise, but there is no
reason for them to cause depression.
8 March 1935
How can I prevent difficulties from causing depression?
Become conscious.
What is meant by the yogic term “through the heart”? Is it the
higher vital?
Page
— 84
Yes, the emotional being.
Isn’t it possible to overcome a difficulty without any lowering of
the consciousness?
Certainly — in fact it is impossible to
overcome a difficulty if the consciousness gets lowered. On the contrary, in
order to overcome difficulties, the consciousness must strive to rise above its
ordinary level.
9 March 1935
“When the central being has surrendered, the principal difficulty
has disappeared.” What is this central being?
The central being is not the same in
everyone — it is the part that governs the rest of the personality and imposes
its will on it.
When
the psychic being holds this central position in the personality, everything
becomes very easy.
14 March 1935
Now the vital must become well-behaved. I hope that I will be able
to do it with Your help.
Yes, surely you will be able to do it. The
part that has goodwill must grow stronger until it has the power to control the
recalcitrant part and force it to be converted.
16 March 1935
I see that mental preparation helps a great deal.
Page
— 85
Yes, it is very useful when it is properly
done.
What is the difference between the voice of the mental Purusha and the voice that comes from the depths of the
heart, the psychic voice?
The psychic voice is silent — it manifests
in the form of an understanding or knowledge rather than in words.
17 March 1935
Isn’t there any difference between the effect of the psychic voice
and the voice of the mental Purusha?
Yes, there is a great difference. It is much
more difficult to hear the psychic message than the voice of the mental Purusha — the latter is not infallible and is liable to
err. The psychic never errs.
Why isn’t my vital controlled by the vital Purusha?
The vital Purusha
awakens only when all the desires are mastered and the vital being is calm.
Where did the love and peace that I used to feel come from, since
my heart was always closed?
Your heart is not always closed. When it
opens, the peace and love enter into you.
18 March 1935
When can one hear the psychic message?
When one is very silent and attentive.
Page
— 86
My mind is still ignorant and totally lacking in calm so how did
the mental Purusha awaken?
The mental Purusha
is always more or less awake in those who are in the habit of observing
themselves.
I think that the love and peace which come by the opening of the
heart are psychic and unmixed.
Not necessarily; even if they come from
the psychic, they may get mixed with other less elevated movements when they
manifest in the mind or the vital.
Love
and peace can also come from above, directly from divine regions.
19 March 1935
Is there any difference between the psychic voice and the voice of
the Divine?
One can hardly say that the Divine
expresses himself through a voice,
but rather by imparting a certain state of consciousness.
When can the physical Purusha awaken and
control the physical being?
When the Light has descended into the
physical consciousness.
Can’t the love and peace that come from above get distorted when
they enter the mind and vital?
Indeed they very often are; the love gets
changed into a kind of passion and the peace into inertia.
What must I do to stop my heart from closing again and to keep it
always open?
Page
— 87
You must will for it persistently and one
day it will happen.
20 March 1935
Are there any other Purushas besides the
mental, the vital and the physical?
The psychic.
21 March 1935
Z told me not to open my fountain-pen, but as the ink wouldn’t
flow, I half-opened it, and an accident happened.
You were wrong to open your pen when you
were told not to because it is I myself who said that if anyone tampered with
his pen it would not be repaired for him.
I
will have it repaired this time, if possible, but you must promise me never to
touch it again.
I don’t feel anything when I break or lose a material object.
It is a fault. Not to take care of the material
objects one uses is a sign of unconsciousness and ignorance. One has no right
to use any material object unless one takes care of it.
23 March 1935
Now I understand that there is something of the Divine even in
material things.
Yes, and we must take care of them, not
because we are attached to them, but because they too manifest something of the
Divine Consciousness.
Page
— 88
I would like to know by what signs one can tell that the heart is
fully open.
It is something one feels and there can be
no doubt about it when it happens to you.
Opening the heart means bringing the psychic to the surface?
The psychic coming to the surface is the
result rather than the method.
25 March 1935
Today I feel as if the whole world were at rest; everything is
calm, and alien to me too. I am a stranger in this world. I don’t know if I
have described the experience correctly.
I understand very well what you mean. It
is an experience that takes place when one enters into a new field of
consciousness.
If it is a good experience, I don’t understand why I don’t feel
Your love and happiness.
Happiness and love do not accompany all
experiences.
Instead, I find that there is an active concentration. I often feel
a pressure in the heart-centre. But why can’t there be a little happiness and
love too?
The experience is only one of an awakening
of consciousness.
27 March 1935
Page
— 89
All will be You, nothing but You; I shall become You and You alone
will exist. I don’t know if I am exaggerating.
It is up to you to make true in practice
the ideal that your mind sets before you.
Yesterday I wrote that there was a deep calm — but today there is
only a deep disturbance!
There is at the same time a part of the
being that lives in light and joy, and a part that lives in disturbance and
obscurity. If you turn your attention towards the disturbance, you feel it. But
if you turn your attention towards the light and joy, you live in them.
2 April 1935
In fact, I attributed the cold to my disturbance, which always
pulls down the consciousness.
It is also a resistance in the brain,
expressing those elements of the physical mind that refuse to be transformed.
6 April 1935
I think that one gets the psychic consciousness only when the
psychic comes to the surface.
Or when one can go deep enough inside to
enter into contact with one’s psychic being.
So what should I do about the resistance of the physical mind? It
is preventing me from studying and giving me constant trouble.
Page
— 90
First you must detach yourself from it,
stop identifying yourself with its movements.
Would You tell me something about the obscure parts of the vital?
I don’t understand how they pull my consciousness down and I don’t see how they
act on the material plane.
They are connected with the material plane
through the sense-organs (sight, hearing, etc.).
8 April 1935
How can one conquer the subconscious?
By entering into it step by step, through
attentive observation, with the light of the consciousness.
Why am I on earth in ignorance and obscurity?
The mind cannot answer these questions nor
understand the true reply.
9 April 1935
I don’t know how to spend my time, since I understand nothing.
Study, that is the best way to understand.
You tell me to study, but I dislike studying.
You don’t give enough time to study; that
is why it doesn’t interest you. Everything one does with care necessarily
becomes interesting.
10 April 1935
Page
— 91
I wish to have a consciousness that would prevent me from behaving
badly. I think that only the psychic consciousness can do that.
Failing the psychic, the enlightened mind
can prevent the vital from behaving foolishly.
15 April 1935
My cold goes on and on. Something has to be done about this
disharmony.
The only unfailing method for getting rid
of illnesses is to turn one’s attention away from them and refuse to give them
any importance.
16 April 1935
Why doesn’t the spiritual consciousness remain all the time?
Because the ordinary consciousness drives
it away.
19 April 1935
What must one do so that nothing drives away the spiritual
consciousness?
Remember it always and in all
circumstances.
20 April 1935
Do you think that a pure love between human beings is possible?
Page
— 92
I do not have much faith in pure love}
between human beings.
21 April 1935
What does “spiritual consciousness” mean?
Generally speaking, it is the
consciousness that is turned towards the Divine.
22 April 1935
I don’t understand why men want help from other imperfect beings.
They understand them better, because they
are closer to them.
23 April 1935
My last few nights have been very restless. When I wake up in the
morning I feel tired! How much longer will this go on?
Getting upset and impatient certainly will
not help this bad period to end any sooner. On the other hand, if you can
maintain a little inner calm, you will get out of your difficulties more
quickly. It is only in a state of calm that one can enter into contact with
one’s psychic consciousness.
Will my life always be as it is now?
I hope not! But if you could be a little
more peaceful within, your troubles would end more quickly.
24 April 1935
Page — 93
Now I long with all my soul to be Your child.
You are my child; you have only to become
conscious of it.
25 April 1935
When will men have the right attitude towards the Truth? When will
they stop wandering about in vain, wasting their energy in useless struggles?
Why don’t they understand?
Because they are still mentally immature.
30 April 1935
I have not yet got rid of my affinity for other people. Please tell
me how to do that.
Affinities are almost instinctive and not
very important. Only you must be careful that they do not become attachments.
One begins to do yoga only when one has realised one’s soul.
These things are not so clear-cut and one
may have started doing yoga in one part of the being even while the rest — the
other parts of the being — still refuse to be transformed.
2 May 1935
You say that people fall into an ordinary consciousness when they
come into contact with each other, so what should I do to remain in my central
consciousness?
Page
— 94
Never forget the divine presence.
4 May 1935
X says that You change according to her condition.
No, I do not change towards people
according to their condition. It is their impression of me that changes according
to their mood at the moment.
4 May 1935
I would like to know about my present state of consciousness
because I feel that everything in me is at peace.
To be at peace is a good thing. Do not
risk spoiling the peace by talking about this state.
4 May 1935
Of course, in a general way, You are always with us, but what I
want is to be conscious of Your presence. If You were with me, I wouldn’t get
rebellious and I would feel Your love and peace in spite of this dark turmoil.
It is the desire and rebellion that
prevent your vital from feeling the Presence, but the fact that you do not feel
it is no proof that it is not there.
8 May 1935
Perhaps my way of helping is not really good.
Page
— 95
I do not think it is bad either — but of
course it is proportionate to the consciousness you possess.
I would like to know how to prevent any outside force from
entering in when we have a good experience.
An undesirable outside force does not always
enter into us each time that we have a good experience. On the contrary, the
good experience ought to give us the strength to repel the outside force when
it tries to enter.
10 May 1935
I don’t understand what is gained by telling lies.
Nothing is gained by lying, of course; on
the contrary, one darkens one’s consciousness.
12 May 1935
I cannot see the superhuman, spiritual, divine life anywhere, and
without the divine life everything is meaningless for me.
If your consciousness were superhuman,
divine, or even spiritual, you would see that same consciousness everywhere.
13 May 1935
For the time being, may I stop thinking about sadhana?
I can’t find any other way of getting inner peace. I am continuing my
aspiration for the opening of the heart. But I see that it is not so easy to
obtain the psychic consciousness — it requires a patient concentration.
Page
— 96
It is certainly not sadhana
that stands in the way of inner peace — on the contrary, for the sadhana is based entirely on this inner peace, which is the
essential condition for progress. To enter into contact with the psychic
consciousness, a patient concentration is indeed necessary.
14 May 1935
By Your will, I will give French lessons to Y. I will go to her place
for that. But I would like to know why she should not come to my place.
First of all, as a general rule, it is
better if women do not visit the rooms of men. In this particular case, if she
came to your room, I am afraid she would leave behind an atmosphere that would
be very disturbing to your peace of mind.
15 May 1935
I don’t understand why the darkness comes so often and stays so
long. Have I become worse than before?
No, you have become more conscious. Before
there was even more darkness, but you were not aware of it. You did not
perceive it as darkness.
I have no peace, no love, no energy for work. What stage am I
going through at the moment?
A transition period in which you have
become more conscious but have not yet gained control.
In what part does this darkness lie and how long will it remain
there?
Page
— 97
Especially in the physical consciousness —
until the physical gets illumined.
17 May 1935
So what must I do to get the physical illumined, as well as the
vital, which is also dark and obscure, I suppose?
Always choose the light instead of the
darkness.
18 May 1935
Darkness, darkness, vanish away! O Mother, are You not here?
I am here and I am concentrating upon you all
the light needed to dissolve any darkness whatever. It is up to you to receive
it.
18 May 1935
Which path must I take then? And what is the right and true way of
making the effort?
Do what I explained to you yesterday —
make your brain work by studying regularly and systematically; then during the
hours when you are not studying, your brain, having worked enough, will be able
to rest and it will be possible for you to concentrate in the depths of your
heart and find there the psychic source; with it you will become conscious both
of gratitude and true happiness.
23 May 1935
Despite my disturbances and depressions, I will do my best to
progress in my studies. But it will only be possible with the constant help of
Your force.
Page
— 98
My force and my help are constantly with
you and my consciousness is enlightening you as you study.
Z told me that she felt a great depression after pranam and wept bitterly. She would like to know the cause
of this movement.
She must have come to me with some desire,
and her desire, sensing that it would not be satisfied, made her sad and
depressed. It is more or less what happens to you too.
23 May 1935
Now I know why the darkness always returns
to you, even after I have driven it away. It is because the sense of gratitude
has not yet awakened in you.
23 May 1935
I think that some element in me does not believe in the divine
Grace: that is what prevents the gratitude.
Obviously.
At first I used to feel so much love for You, but now my love has
become more selfish.
Yes, that is it; you began to bargain in
your giving and that has dried up the source. If, however, you resolve not to
demand anything in return for what you give, you will soon rediscover the
incomparable joy of loving.
24 May 1935
Is it possible to be near to You with a selfish love?
Page
— 99
Until the nature is entirely transformed,
it is always mixed the good and the bad side by side. So until the transformation
is achieved, there will always be a mixture of egoism in all who come to me.
I am aware of all my wrong actions, but unfortunately I am not able to control them. That is what
makes me sad.
Do not worry — have trust; it is this lack
of trust that veils your consciousness.
Teach me, Mother, how to make my love pure and psychic.
Do not think about yourself.
25 May 1935
Allow me to observe silence, let me go into solitude.
Observe silence in your mind, go into the solitude
of your psychic being and you will find me there.
27 May 1935
You tell me to observe silence and to go into the solitude of my
psychic being, but how can I do that? Only You can put me in that state.
This is a completely tamasic
reply. My consciousness is always at work, but you on your side must exert your will and make an effort.
28 May 1935
Page
— 100
I feel that it is necessary to go into solitude — I am living only
in my outer being.
Certainly you are living mainly in your
mind, vital and physical. A little concentration would do you no harm, but you
must not overdo it.
Teach me how to make an effort to find You.
You must exert your will.
28 May 1935
I feel that in solitude I could remain more open and receptive.
If by solitude you mean not seeing people
any more than is indispensable and not speaking with them unless it is
absolutely necessary, then we are agreed.
30 May 1935
Remove all this misery from me and raise me above ignorance and
falsehood. O Mother, hasn’t enough time passed?
My dear child, I am only too willing to
help you out of this absurd unhappiness, but I am afraid that it comes only
from thwarted desires — and in that case you must first renounce those desires
and ambitions. But you can be sure that my help is always with you.
30 May 1935
I think I should remain some distance away from You physically
until there is no demand left in me.
Page
— 101
This is a hostile suggestion which is
completely false and you must immediately reject it.
1 June 1935
Nowhere in this world can I find a quiet and peaceful life. And
yet a part of my being enjoys the evolution of the world.
Certainly a part of your being is in
harmony with the psychic life of the universe.
4 June 1935
What do you mean by “the psychic life of the world”?
Just as there is a psychic life in human
beings, there is a psychic life in the earth and doubtless in other worlds too.
Then what is the goal of life on earth?
To make the consciousness progress towards
the Divine.
5 June 1935
Turn my consciousness towards You, Mother.
Never doubt my love, and then quite
naturally you will turn towards me.
10 June 1935
If I get the psychic consciousness, all these difficulties will no
longer exist.
Page
— 102
Certainly the psychic consciousness has
none of these difficulties; it has the constant experience of my presence and
my love.
10 June 1935
Yesterday I made a great effort to get back into the light and
joy, but I failed.
It is very good that you made an effort,
but you must not get discouraged so quickly, just because you fail to succeed
immediately. On the contrary, you must persevere in your effort until you do
succeed.
My help will always be with you.
11 June 1935
But how can I get this psychic consciousness?
By aspiration, prayer and concentration.
Perhaps my aspiration is not intense enough?
Above all, it is too intermittent.
Please tell me why I don’t succeed immediately in my effort.
Because the outer ignorance is very
stubborn and will yield only to a persistent effort.
Why doesn’t Your presence in me prevent me from misbehaving?
Because the outer being — the one that
misbehaves — is unaware of that presence or refuses to recognise it.
Page
— 103
I want the psychic consciousness with all my heart; I will pay any
price for it.
The only price to be paid is a persistent and unwavering will.
11 June 1935
In our yoga, what attitude should we take towards animals?
One can have the true attitude only when
one has attained the consciousness of the divine Oneness; meanwhile it is good
always to treat animals with respect, love and compassion.
11 June 1935
But shouldn’t we kill pests?
Of course.
12 June 1935
Is the obscurity inside me or does it come from outside?
Obscurity is everywhere in material things
— inside and outside.
12 June 1935
What can one do against obsession when there is very intense
suffering?
Look at a beautiful flower.
13 June 1935
Page
— 104
But when one is in very great suffering, even a beautiful flower
is boring, unless I am mistaken.
That would be the sign of a total
enslavement to the vital part that is suffering. You must learn to stand back and
detach yourself from the lower, external movements.
14 June 1935
I think it is a weakness not to be able to bear the suffering of
other people and to avoid those who suffer.
If one has neither the psychological nor
the material means to bring them relief, I see no point in dwelling on them.
16 June 1935
The same mistakes are always drawing me away from You, and I have
to take refuge in solitude.
You must know whether you can do it
without falling into a depression, which would be even worse than gossiping.
18 June 1935
Always the same fire is ravaging me from every side.
You ought to extinguish it if it is really
ravaging you, or make use of it if it can purify you.
20 June 1935
A fire is burning in me; it is tremendous. It drains my vital
energy; I have the feeling that someone is devouring me. I don’t know what to
do.
Page
— 105
All these things are hostile suggestions that
ought to be rejected. Have you got a fever? If so, ask the doctor to treat you.
But if you don’t have fever, this fire business is a wrong imagination that
should be rejected.
There is a sacred fire
that burns in the heart and envelops the whole being: it is Agni,
who illumines and purifies all. I kindle that fire in you each time that you
ask me for some progress; but it destroys nothing except falsehood and
obscurity.
20 June 1935
You say that You kindle that fire in me — then why do the falsehood
and obscurity still exist?
An integral purification is a long and
slow labour.
21 June 1935
Is there such a thing as hell?
Yes, there are hells that are formed by
human thought which exist in certain regions of the vital world.
21 June 1935
Is it true that it is the Divine who has made us ignorant and
unconscious?
That is nonsense.
I would like to know something about silence. Is it more
beneficial than concentrating on the lower nature?
Concentrating on the lower nature is NEVER
good; you should concentrate on what you want to develop,
not on what you want to destroy.
Page
— 106
I think that one should be peaceful and silent outwardly too.
Peaceful, certainly; silence is not always
possible.
23 June 1935
But how have we become ignorant and unconscious?
I suppose that by “we” you mean human
beings. Human beings have not become ignorant
and obscure. They have always been that way, because material nature was
unconscious and obscure long before man appeared.
Can silence bring all the force needed for purification and
transformation?
Not exactly bring, but in silence one can receive it.
24 June 1935
Is it after death that one suffers those torments?
Yes, if
one believes in them.
24 June 1935
“When we have passed beyond enjoyings,
then we shall have bliss. Desire was the helper; desire is the bar.” (Sri Aurobindo)¹
Is this Bliss gained by Desire?
¹Thoughts and Glimpses, Cent. Vol. 16, p.
377.
Page
— 107
No. Desire is useful only at the beginning
of evolution to awaken consciousness from its torpor, but desire cannot lead
one to — Bliss only self-giving can do that.
24 June 1935
Tell me why I love You.
It is your psychic being, like all psychic
beings, that loves me.
25 June 1935
Everyone has a psychic being, but not everyone loves You.
Either because they are not conscious of
their psychic being, or because they do not know me.
Have I stopped bargaining with my love now?
Psychic love never bargains — but the vital
always tries to derive some benefit for itself in all circumstances.
Is it only my psychic being that loves You?
To the extent that the mind, vital and
physical are under the control of the psychic being, they also love me.
26 June 1935
“When we have passed beyond individualising, then we shall be real
Persons. Ego was the helper; Ego is the bar.” (Sri Aurobindo)¹
¹Thoughts and Glimpses, Cent. Vol. 16, p.
377.
Page
— 108
Ego is the helper so long as it is needed
to form the physical individuality, but when that is formed, ego must
disappear.
26 June 1935
What attitude should I keep so that nothing can harm me?
Perfect detachment, equality,
disinterestedness.
Tell me, then, how to overcome the danger of ambition which still remains
in spite of my knowing the truth.
By learning to see the futility of its
fleeting and hollow satisfactions.
Since in my previous life I made an effort without achieving
transformation, what proof is there that I will achieve it in this life?
Because in your previous life the time had
not yet come when an integral transformation would be possible.
29 June 1935
“The perfected ones were no longer obliged, like other men, to
purify themselves in new bodies.” What is meant by “purify themselves in new
bodies”?
It is during one’s physical life on earth
that one has the opportunity to purify oneself, to make spiritual progress.
1 July 1935
Page
— 109
“When we have passed beyond humanity, then we shall be the Man.
The Animal was the helper; the Animal is the bar.” (Sri Aurobindo)¹
The animal is the helper in attaining manhood, later it becomes a
bar.
Humanity in its present state is still at
the animal stage; one must therefore go beyond this ordinary human state in order
to become a true man, capable of becoming conscious of the Divine.
1 July 1935
A few days ago X told me some stories about vital beings and
ghosts. Since then I feel afraid in the dark.
Why do you listen to these stories? They
are very stupid. Most often ghosts exist only in people’s imaginations. As for
vital beings, if we do not fear them they can do us no harm. And with the
divine protection what fear can one have? None.
I cannot find the love and peace anywhere.
The love and peace have not left you; it
is you who no longer see them. No doubt it is again the same force you mention
that is trying to make you blind.
3 July 1935
What force is trying to make me blind and what must I do to drive
it away?
An adverse will that sends suggestions — you must simply refuse to believe its suggestions, that’s
all.
¹Thoughts and Glimpses,
Cent.
Vol. 16, p. 377.
Page
— 110
You wrote that an adverse will is sending suggestions, but I am
not aware of it. Will You explain this to me?
How can you say that you are not aware of
it when you yourself write: “But often someone makes me blind and I no longer
see Your light”? What you call “someone” I call “adverse suggestions”.
6 July 1935
I see only the result of these suggestions — not how they come. I
want to know how the adverse will works.
It makes a mental formation that has some
affinity with the mind of the person who is to be influenced. This formation
remains in that person’s mental atmosphere and slips in at the slightest
opportunity. If the person is not conscious or watchful enough, he becomes
aware of the formation only when it has already entered his brain and then he
mistakes the formation for his own thought.
7 July 1935
I think there has been something unusual about the general
atmosphere in the Ashram these last two days. My depression continues in spite
of effort, aspiration and calm.
I do not think that things are as you say,
and in any case, as far as you are concerned, the best thing is not to worry
and to
Page
— 111
aspire calmly until your difficulties are
dispelled.
I imagine that perhaps some force is going to descend and that all
this is only resistance.
It is always resistance that creates
confusion.
8 July 1935
I still have the feeling that the Ashram atmosphere is heavy. But
it would be better if I didn’t think about it.
Certainly it would be much better not to
pay any attention to it.
8 July 1935
Why has my condition become so dry? Is it a test?
What do you mean by a test? It is
certainly not something arbitrarily imposed on you. Your condition is always
the natural outcome of your way of thinking, feeling and acting.
I have a premonition that something hostile is going to happen to
me.
To have a premonition of something bad is
of no use unless you take advantage of it to repel the bad thing.
11 July 1935
I don’t know what this bad thing is, nor when it will come. If I
don’t understand it, I don’t know how to repel it.
Page — 112
You can simply reject the idea that
something bad is going to happen to you.
My effort to become the servant of the Divine will continue till
the end of my life. I would rather die than give up yoga.
There is no question of your giving up yoga
and I am quite sure that you will not do it. Nor is there any reason for you to
die. You will live and you will live for the Divine.
12 July 1935
O Mother, I feel too far away from You. I appeal to You: give me
the strength to overcome the adverse powers and to conquer my lower nature and
all that is tormenting me.
I don’t think there is anything for you to
worry about. You are no further from me than you were before. It is still the
same parts of your being that refuse to participate in the divine life;
previously you were not aware of them, but now, on the contrary, you are
becoming more and more conscious of them, and consciousness is a real progress
— it is the way towards mastery.
15 July 1935
So what must I do to make these lower parts participate in the
divine life?
You must educate them as one educates a
child.
16 July 1935
Page
— 113
I will do Your work, Sweet Mother, the work for which I am with
You. When it is done I shall merge into You. I believe that is Your will.
For the moment my will goes only as far as
this: to do the work that is to be done upon earth. For the rest we shall see
later on.
18 July 1935
Everywhere the atmosphere is full of egoism; anyone who is not
egoistic gets swallowed up, I think.
That is true only for those who are living
in the ordinary consciousness.
18 July 1935
Is it possible to know the divine will without having any
experience of the divine Reality, without rising to the intuitive consciousness
or entering into the depths of one’s heart?
Certainly, without at least one of these
three conditions, one runs a grave risk of being mistaken and taking one’s own
subconscious will for the divine Will.
19 July 1935
“He who renounces his possessions is on a higher level than he who
thinks only of increasing them.”
But if one renounces one’s possessions, what will one do, how will
one live?
I find this viewpoint terribly egoistic.
One must know how to
give everything in order to learn how truly to possess.
21 July 1935
Page
— 114
My studies are suffering because of constant depression.
I have told you that it is by studying
that you can overcome the depression.
My consciousness is veiled. Am I Your child?
Certainly your psychic being is my child,
and it knows it very well.
27 July 1935
How many more days must I suffer in this dark and painful abyss? I
am very sad that I cannot be Your child.
I do not understand what you mean; I have
never told you that you cannot be my child. I have told you, on the contrary,
that in your psychic being you are my child, and that you will become fully
conscious of it when you become conscious of your psychic being.
2 August 1935
I meant that I am sad because I am not able to become Your child
and Your faithful servant, although that is why I am here.
That is exactly what I understood — and I
repeat that nothing (except your own will) can prevent you from being my child
and becoming my faithful servant.
2 August 1935
Page
— 115
How can I receive anything from Sri Aurobindo if I go to Him with
sadness on Darshan day?
Of course you must go to Him in calm and
light.
3 August 1935
I want to live the divine life; if it is impossible in this life I
shall doubtless do it in another life.
There is no need at all to think of other
lives; you must strive to realise the Divine in this life itself, and you will
do it.
But
you must not be impatient. It is your impatience that is causing your
depression.
4 August 1935
Deliver me from this painful obscurity. Give me at least one drop
of peace and happiness.
You are like someone plunged in the ocean
who complains of a lack of water!
6 August 1935
Wouldn’t it be better if I withdrew from all contacts, at least
until August 20th? Or else show me some other way to be a little peaceful and
concentrated.
You will not get cured by doing this thing
or that — the cure must come from within.
6 August 1935
Is it desirable for me to go walking with Y?
Page
— 116
No, it is not very desirable, but if you
stop and then get depressed, that is even less desirable.
8 August 1935
For two days I have been thinking of stopping my walks with Y; but
will You please tell me why it is undesirable? I think I understand the divine
will, but is it true?
I think that one part of your
consciousness does in fact perceive the divine Will quite clearly; but when you
try to carry out this will integrally, your vital, thwarted in its desires and
impulses, becomes depressed and refuses to cooperate, and that brings all
progress to a halt.
9 August 1935
I am depressed today. I so much wanted to remain silent and
concentrated, but alas, it has all collapsed.
That is just what I was afraid of when you
spoke of stopping your walks with Y.
9 August 1935
Was it a good thing for me to go to Z’s house last night to listen
to the music? Today I feel some disturbance.
It is not much use asking questions about
things that are already past. If the effect was bad, you must overcome it, and
if it is good, you must preserve it.
17 August 1935
Page
— 117
X has been ill these last few days. How did she fall ill?
Probably as the result of a depression.
Why is X afraid of You? If we are afraid of You, how can we
progress?
Certainly fear is a great obstacle on the
way.
A part of my being tells me not to bother about other people’s
affairs. But my nature is like that; it is not at all easy to stop it.
There is no harm in being helpful and
obliging.
23 August 1935
Y is depressed. He says that the depression comes by Your will.
That is quite absurd. My will, on the
contrary, is that each one should always go forward peacefully and steadily,
without ever falling back into these lower states.
X says that she feels as if she were in prison here.
I never put anyone in prison.
24 August 1935
What sort of freedom does X want? Why does she feel imprisoned
here?
It is her vital complaining.
Page
— 118
Are we here to do yoga or to remain utterly free to act according
to our desires and ambitions?
The so-called freedom claimed by the vital
is not any freedom at all, but a slavery to the lower desires and impulses.
O Mother! Who will calm this evil whirlwind that is carrying
people far from the true path? Mother, how can You agree to remain in this
terrible darkness and ignorance?
I am on earth because it is on earth that
the divine work must he done, and for no other reason.
24 August 1935
Is suffering indispensable in order to make progress?
Certainly NOT.
26 August 1935
Is it true that it is not easy for You to work on each individual
— that there is almost always some resistance or revolt?
Certainly there is resistance in almost
everybody, and revolt in many.
27 August 1935
X says that her way is clear, but that there is one difficulty
which can only be removed by You and no one else can help her. I don’t know how
to make her understand the truth, since she doesn’t even listen to You!
Page
— 119
Do not worry; you have done your best to
help X. If she does not want to listen, there is nothing you can do.
29 August 1935
Before, I used to have periods of happiness, peace and love. Why
haven’t I had any for several months?
In children the psychic is often very much
on the surface and it makes them peaceful and happy. As one grows up, the vital
and the mind develop and take on more importance — and then the troubles and
sorrows begin.
30 August 1935
My sadness goes on increasing. I know that it is still the vital,
but certainly it will not be able to spread its depression.
I see no reasonable cause for this
sadness; to me it looks like something unreal, a sort of false imagination that
has seized hold of you. Reject all that immediately.
8 September 1935
I don’t understand how the depression could penetrate so deeply. I
think that it is again the same force that is putting me in this condition.
Yes, it is the vital indulging in its
depression.
I don’t know how to prevent the vital from enjoying its depression.
What can I do? It does what it wants.
You must strengthen your will.
9 September 1935
Page
— 120
Can You not pacify my vital, make it a little less rigid?
It has been pacified so often, and each
time it has shaken off the peace like a cloak of boredom.
How can I strengthen my love so that it can vanquish the desires
and impulses that hinder my progress?
Concentrate on the psychic consciousness.
Is it a lack of trust that is delaying the conversion of the
vital?
Yes, without a doubt.
10 September 1935
Let me become like a child, simple, flexible, humble, trusting. O
Mother, when will I be like that?
Soon, if your will to become like that is
persistent.
10 September 1935
Is it true that You wrote that I would live for the Divine, only
to encourage me?
No, I wrote it because I thought it.
Is it necessary to feel the atmosphere of other people?
It is better not to feel it as long as you
have not acquired the power to correct all the wrong vibrations.
Is it necessary to know the nature of the people with whom one
might enter into relationship?
Page
— 121
Obviously if one is in contact with
people, it is better to know what they are like.
11 September 1935
My condition gets worse and worse. I feel as if I am stuck, unable
to take a step forward.
Sometimes it is precisely when one is
dissatisfied with oneself that one makes the most progress.
Please tell me why my progress has stopped. Before, Your presence
was constantly within me. Now I understand nothing and I don’t know what to do.
I have already explained to you that the
first contact with the force gives the psychic being the power to dominate the
consciousness and govern the being. But gradually the other parts (mental,
vital and physical) revert to their old activities and the good condition gets
veiled. You must have a persistent will to regain it.
14 September 1935
What do You mean by becoming like a child?
In the child the psychic life is not
veiled by the mental life. Because the child is not fully moulded, he has a
great capacity for growth and is able to progress with sufficient plasticity.
16 September 1935
I would like to know about the childlike path that can be taken in
this yoga.
Page
— 122
The childlike path is one of unquestioning
trust, total dependence, unreserved surrender.
17 September 1935
Do You think that it would be good for me to take the childlike
path?
The childlike path is always better — but
it is not so easy, for it must be taken spontaneously and in all sincerity.
18 September 1935
Is it true that X trusts me less now?
X does not want any intermediary between
herself and me, and she is right.
Everything is happening as if in a dream where everything has to
happen in order to bring about something good in the future.
Yes, you are right; that is how things
happen here.
23 September 1935
You used to be in my heart; why aren’t You there any more? Because
I am blind, I do not see You: silence, silence, peace.
Yes, you are right; I am always there in
your heart, but something in your outer consciousness is too active and makes
too much noise for you to be aware of this presence. It is only in silence and
calm that you can become aware of it.
25 September 1935
Page
— 123
Why doesn’t X want to listen to my ideas about yoga? I want to
understand her movement.
I have already told you: she is afraid
that she may be influenced by you and she does not want to accept any other
influence than ours.
27 September 1935
Is there any path in which one doesn’t need to make an effort from
the very beginning?
I don’t think so; but some people make the
effort naturally, without attaching much importance to it.
28 September 1935
How the darkness rises up! It has veiled my consciousness and I
don’t know what to do. There must be an inner change, and until then, calm,
aspiration.
Yes, that is right. You must constantly
aspire for the inner change, you must have the will for the light to come into
the obscure physical mind, and you must calmly wait for the result of this
aspiration and will.
11 October 1935
I
don’t understand the difference between willing and aspiring, or how to do both
things at once.
If you cannot do both things at once, then just do one of them.
14
October 1935
I
don’t understand the difference between willing and aspiring, or how to do both
things at once.
If you cannot do both things at once, then just do one of them.
14
October 1935
Page
— 124
I don’t understand what is meant by intellectual faith. Faith is a
trust without reasoning.
It is not intellectual but mental the mental — being has a faith and the vital
being too can have its faith as well as the physical being. As for the psychic
being, its faith is natural and spontaneous — faith is the very essence of the
psychic being.
18 October 1935
There are supposed to be two kinds of faith: simple, blind faith,
in which there is no reasoning, and faith with some reasoning, some
understanding — intellectual faith. But I don’t understand the latter: it is
said to remain firm under all circumstances since it is based on a certain
understanding.
There is only one faith, but it manifests in
different parts of the being. I suppose that what the person you refer to calls
“blind faith” is the faith in the heart, which needs no reasons to exist; but there is also the faith in the mind, which
may be based on some kind of reasoning. To be sure of having an unshakable
faith, one must have it in every part of the being.
19 October 1935
What is the origin of the faith that manifests in the various
parts of the being?
Faith is the expression of a spiritual
virtue.
21 October 1935
I feel that my nature is
becoming more complicated, less sincere. Why is that?
Page
— 125
As the mind develops, the simple and pure
sincerity of the child disappears. It must be replaced with a more conscious,
more spiritual sincerity — the psychic sincerity.
21 December 1935
How can I get this psychic
sincerity? Life is becoming more and more boring. It will certainly take a long
time to get this sincerity, but how can I live without it?
Patience is one of the most essential conditions of the spiritual life. One
must know how to wait in order to receive.
23 December 1935
Please tell me how my consciousness got carried away to the very
material and half-conscious domain?
It did not get carried there — it is there
quite naturally, as all human consciousnesses are. What is exceptional is when
the consciousness rises above this material plane.
2 January 1936
My nature will not obey my resolve. You seem so far from me, as if
You were not there. I ask You for only one thing: peaceful solitude, so that
everything may be all right.
My dear child, you have to find the peace,
the silence and the solitude within yourself, and in that solitude you will
become conscious of my presence.
My
blessings are with you.
11 January 1936
Page
— 126
O my Mother, I have no peace, no love. I know that this has
happened through my own fault. Will I find You again, O my dear Mother?
Yes, if you allow the fire of aspiration
to burn in you.
14 January 1936
Mother, what must I do so that the fire of aspiration never goes
out?
One keeps this fire lit by throwing into
it all one’s difficulties, all one’s desires, all one’s imperfections. In the
morning and evening when you come to me, you should ask me in your heart to
keep the fire lit and offer me all these things as fuel.
15 January 1936
I feel that it is necessary for me to go into retirement so that
the fire may burn more intensely. Let me go into solitude.
It is in the midst of activity that the fire
must burn, so that it may set right all your movements.
Keep the fire lit; I offer You all my movements.
As long as you aspire to keep the flame
lit, I will take care that it does not go out.
17 January 1936
I have concentrated very much on the
flame, but alas, my aspiration has not been strong enough to light it.
It is not your work to light the fire. As
I told you, I am always lighting it
Page
— 127
— you have only to open
yourself to receive it and tend it with your goodwill.
24 January 1936
Into the fire all desires, all attachment, all impurity, all
imperfection, as fuel.
Yes, that is good. This movement should be
constantly renewed.
27 January 1936
Is it true that there is a time when the good parts of the being
recede into the background and only the lower parts remain on the surface?
Hence the sense of a fall and the forgetting of the good experiences.
There are people to whom such a thing
happens, but it is not inevitable and
certainly not desirable.
13 February 1936
To go away from here! It is impossible to think that anyone can
love us more than You!
You are right, my dear child; those who
are not happy here cannot be happy anywhere.
7 March 1936
What attitude should I have when I come to You?
When you come to me, you should be
peaceful and open.
11 March 1936
Page
— 128
How can I detach myself from the sadness that comes from within?
Do not attach any importance to it.
Obstacles and difficulties should not cause suffering. I think
that we create the suffering by our ignorance.
Certainly the suffering is not
indispensable, nor even necessary. It is indeed ignorance that makes one
suffer.
At least I believe there would be neither suffering nor difficulty
in this yoga if I could look at everything calmly and patiently.
Yes, this yoga is based on peace and joy,
not on suffering.
12 March 1936
I was irritated with X because her ideas were so lacking in
humility.
Ignorance always lacks humility — the more
ignorant the mind, the more it judges and the more it revolts.
13 March 1936
What must one do to illumine the mind?
Make it calm and quiet — in calm it can
receive the light.
14 March 1936
My mind is always the same, ever full of thoughts. It has never
learned to be silent.
Page
— 129
This is precisely what I call mental
agitation.
25 March 1936
In a dream I saw You embracing me; was it imagination?
In spirit I always hold you in my arms
like a little child, to help you and protect you — but is that what you mean?
25 March 1936
In spirit You are holding me in Your arms, but when will You
really hold me in Your arms so that I can be safe from every outside influence?
I don’t think that you expect me to hold
you in my arms physically! If I had to hold all my children in my arms
(starting with the 140 people of the Ashram), my body would really have to be
bigger than it is!
And
yet to an awakened consciousness, my presence is entirely concrete.
26 March 1936
Please give me some advice on how to concentrate and be ready to
receive Your grace.
Will for this concentration and strengthen
your will.
4 April 1936
Will You tell me why, along with an awareness of my difficulties,
I do not receive the strength to overcome them?
Page
— 130
Because the consciousness in you is more
developed than the will.
16 April 1936
You say that You don’t want to intervene in this affair between Y
and me. But why? Do You think that these things are unimportant? And yet they
can disturb and even harm the sadhana. Please give me a very frank answer.
Since you have asked me to answer you very
frankly, I will tell you that I do not want to intervene because I am not sure that
you will have the strength and firmness to persist in doing what I tell you to
do. And for spiritual life it is better to act in ignorance than to act in
disobedience to the command of one’s guru.
21 April 1936
What do You mean by a life of true sincerity?
To make all your actions conform to your
highest aspiration and purest will.
2 May 1936
I now feel even further from You, lost in darkness, like a ship
driven by the storm. Being in this condition makes me very sad.
Just shake off all these wrong
suggestions, which are not true, and stop believing in all this drama, which is
purely imaginary.
7 May 1936
Page
— 131
Please explain how these suggestions come to me. They seemed quite
real to me.
As all suggestions come: they are mental
formations that hover in the atmosphere and seize upon any mind that is ready
to receive them.
7 May 1936
Do You think that it is very dangerous for me to have attachment?
Dangerous for what? If you mean for your
spiritual progress, an attachment is certainly not considered to be a very
desirable thing.
8 May 1936
I want to understand what You mean by a sentimental attachment, a
vital attachment, and “no expression of any kind to such an attachment”.
A sentimental attachment is an attachment of
the feelings; a vital attachment is an attachment of the senses. By
“expression” I mean exchanging affectionate words or sensual gestures such as
holding hands, caressing, etc.
14 May 1936
Mother, do You believe that everything I tell You will be without
hypocrisy?
I truly hope that you are not a hypocrite,
for hypocrisy is a great obstacle on the spiritual path.
16 May 1936
Page
— 132
I see clouds all around me shutting out Your light. How can I feel
Your presence again?
The first condition is to keep your mind
calm and peaceful. It is in calm that the Light can descend.
19 May 1936
Forgive me, I am still ignorant, I know nothing.
My help is always with you, and also the
strength to overcome your weaknesses and difficulties. But you must know how to
receive and use them.
24 May 1936
Every day I make an effort, but unfortunately I see a great
opposition to the effort. Great reactions occur.
If there were no reactions, there would be
no need to make an effort.
28 May 1936
I am quite willing to do as You say, but tell me how to rise from
the lower to the higher consciousness.
I have already told you that the first
condition is to quiet your mind and to make an effort to quiet your vital as
well.
Do You want me to avoid everything that can prevent me from
rising, or to struggle against it and pass through?
I do not understand what you mean by
“passing through”.
Page
— 133
In any case it is always wiser to avoid
anything that lowers the consciousness.
The vital, unhappy and dissatisfied if we deprive it of its
satisfaction, ravages everything and throws the consciousness into a state of
inertia. But what is better than satisfying the vital?
From the point of view of yoga the
question does not even arise; yoga cannot tolerate this kind of vital
satisfaction.
30 May 1936
Did You look serious because I had not told You that I had yielded
to the impulse to touch a woman? Make me aware of my insincerity. You promised
to speak to me frankly, so I do not understand why You didn’t question me about
what You heard.
Sincerity demands that you confess
immediately without my needing to question you.
Is it because I have become more insensitive that I don’t feel
Your disapproval more deeply? Nowadays I don’t get very upset, I don’t feel
sorry for my undesirable actions. Is it because I have got used to them?
Yes; by continuing to do things which you
know very well ought not to be done, you are hardening yourself and veiling
your consciousness more and more.
I think that the will to raise myself still persists.
It is of the greatest importance that this
will should assert itself and triumph. It is absolutely necessary.
8 June 1936
Page
— 134
Yesterday, when I heard that X was ill, I could not resist the
impulse to go and see her and help her. Why is it easier to love a human being
than to love the Divine?
I don’t see that it is easier. It depends
on the person. The difference is that what men call “love” for another human
being is not love at all, but a frightful mixture of sentimentality, weakness,
ignorance and sensuality. It is obvious that such a feeling cannot be directed
towards the Divine.
17 June 1936
After receiving Your help, is it possible to use it badly or not
even use it at all?
Yes, it happens very often.
26 June 1936
Will You explain to me how it happens that we misuse Your help, or
don’t even use it at all?
People receive the force and power that I
give and use it to satisfy their own desires instead of using it to serve the
Divine.
2 July 1936
How far I have drifted from the spiritual life, from the true attitude!
This business of human love assumes such great proportions that afterwards it
becomes difficult to extricate oneself from it. Why is it like this?
Page
— 135
A great vigilance is required to avoid
falling into the movements of the lower consciousness; and a still greater will
is needed to get out of them. So arm yourself with patience and a strong will.
4 July 1936
It is too difficult-perform a miracle to detach me from my vital
movements. Last night I was very restless; I didn’t know what to do. I don’t
know if I can keep my feet in the midst of this chaos. I am afraid that some
unfortunate reactions may occur in the future because of this forced break with
X.
Do not make a mountain out of such a
little thing; later you will laugh at this affair — which you are taking so
tragically now — when a little more light and consciousness have penetrated
into your lower vital.
6 July 1936
X sent me a letter and I replied. But do You like us to communicate
in this way? Do You want me to stop speaking to her altogether and refuse to
visit her?
I see no point in your asking me what I
want or do not want — for my will is that you should rise above the lower
consciousness and become conscious of your psychic being, so that your psychic
being governs your life and your actions. At this point you must ask yourself
what you are able and not able to do, and then act at each moment to the best
of your ability.
7 July 1936
Page
— 136
Last night I went mad; my consciousness went down and nothing
interested me — neither rest, nor reading, nor sleep. What I am saying is true
and not an imagination.
I find all this completely ridiculous and
quite out of proportion to the circumstances.
Please tell me why I am feeling all this now. I have never before
felt such an extreme impulsive drive.
Because your vital is contrary. If I had
told it, “You must not leave X and you will never be able to leave her”, it
would have had only one thought: to run far away from her!
Are You sure there is no harm in detaching myself forcefully from
X? Won’t there be some terrible reactions?
Please don’t exaggerate like this. These
reactions are “terrible” only if you think they are. Set your mind straight,
see how infantile and unimportant all this is, and all these “terrible”
reactions will disappear completely.
7 July 1936
I believe a day will come when You will trust me and not believe
that I am a hypocrite and do things secretly — a day when I will show You that
I am sincere.
One can be perfectly sincere only when one
is completely conscious. But keep your will to become more and more perfectly
sincere — and everything will be all right.
10 July 1936
Page
— 137
Will You tell me why my thoughts like to dramatise things and make
mountains out of molehills?
The unenlightened parts of the being
always enjoy doing that.
Please show me the true way of making an effort.
You must train the will as you would train
the muscles — by methodical exercise. Never allow yourself to do something once
you have decided not to do it.
Justice, justice — where is justice?
Fool! Do not call for justice — that is,
for the strict consequences of your actions. Only the divine Grace can pull you
out of your difficulty.
10 July 1936
Do You think that I have become worse than before? Or were all
these things already in me and I was not aware of them?
Always one carries in oneself the seed of
all that one is and does. But this seed may die before it develops, and that is
what ought to happen to undesirable things.
15 July 1936
A doubt still lingers in my consciousness: You even believe lies.
I know perfectly well when people are
lying, even when they lie very well and imagine that they can deceive me.
15 July 1936
Page
— 138
I aspire for Your Grace to come and lift me from the ordinary
consciousness to the spiritual consciousness.
For the Grace to help you, you must fulfil
the conditions, and the very first condition is to reject all doubt, however
slight. I repeat again: you would do well to read once more, carefully and
attentively, the first two chapters of The
Mother.
16 July 1936
I am proud and vain: I think that I can understand everything! It
is quite natural that the Grace should withdraw from me.
Strictly speaking, the Grace does not
withdraw; people make it impossible for themselves to receive it. But you have
only to take the right attitude and keep it, so that the Grace can once more do
its saving work.
17 July 1936
Sri Aurobindo writes in The Mother: “If
part of the being surrenders, but another part reserves itself, follows its own
way or makes its own conditions, then each time that that happens, you are
yourself pushing the divine Grace away from you”.¹
Now I understand how I ought to surrender. But one part wants
ordinary enjoyment and refuses a spiritual happiness that demands surrender.
For this part, consecration is something terrible and it wants to flee from it.
You must remain firm in your will and use
persuasion — gradually the rebellious part will surrender. It refuses to
surrender out of ignorance.
¹Cent. Vol.
25, p. 2.
Page
— 139
That ignorance must be dissolved.
17 July 1936
Will you tell me what still remains to be done so that the Grace
can return?
Remain quiet and trust in the Grace; it is
always present and ready to help those who call on it with a sincere heart.
18 July 1936
So long as I don’t go out in the morning, I am calm, I can
concentrate and study. But once I go out, I cannot study any more, especially
because of the meter readings.¹ I have to go to people’s rooms; sometimes I get
a headache because the atmosphere is too much for me.
When you are doing your work, you should
concentrate only on your work and not on the people — there is no need to speak
to them or pay any attention to them.
21 July 1936
O Mother, I want to become aware that You are watching over me at
every moment.
Take one step back from the surface
consciousness, enter just a little inside yourself, and you will become aware
of it.
24 July 1936
¹Electricity
meter readings. The disciple recorded the daily consumption of electricity at
Ashram houses.
Page
— 140
Does the universal Justice prevent us from rising above the
universe when we want to?
To a certain extent, yes. Certainly in
order to rise above the universe, one
must be absolutely liberated from Justice, for Justice is part of the universe.
25 July 1936
Divine Mother, is it possible for us to receive kindness wrongly?
Yes, in fact that is just what most often
happens among human beings.
27 July 1936
Mother, may I write to You directly when I need something extra?
Because at Prosperity [The department that supplies the basic material needs of
the Ashram members.] they behave like detectives and ask personal questions.
It is on my orders that everyone is
questioned about their requests.
4 August 1936
O my Beloved, teach me how to love You truly.
True love is a self-forgetting.
5 September 1936
One cuts oneself off from the Grace through disobedience to one’s
guru.
Page
— 141
Because of my ignorant and obscure behaviour, it is
quite natural that the Grace should be veiled from me. One day I will have it
again.
I am sure that the Grace has not withdrawn
from you, but perhaps your consciousness has put itself into a condition where it
can no longer feel the Grace.
7 September 1936
I don’t feel You in my heart, but I see You above me. If my
feeling is not mistaken, will You tell me the difference?
No, it is not mistaken:
In
the heart it is a psychic contact; above the head it is a mental contact.
10 September 1936
In what part of the mind is Your presence found?
The higher mind.
What is the difference in effect between Your presence in the
heart and above the body?
No difference in its effect.
11 September 1936
I don’t know why, but I am unable to eat as much as I need. If I
eat a lot, I get a heavy stomach.
Page
— 142
You are probably eating too quickly you
must be swallowing without chewing. You must chew the food thoroughly and eat calmly.
Then one can eat more and the stomach does not get heavy.
14 September 1936
Your presence has become
rather cold, and for some time I haven’t been feeling the happiness and peace.
This shows that something has happened in me.
The outer consciousness finds it difficult
to keep the fire of aspiration burning always with the same intensity. But with
your will you must watch over the purifying fire and revive it when it fails.
14 September 1936
Mother, is there any place for reason in true love?
They may exist side by side in one nature,
but normally they do not have much to do with each other.
18 September 1936
Humility — did You mean
being humble towards everybody?
Certainly not.
To be humble towards You, yes, that I will do. Let me receive Your
Grace so that I may realise humility!
It is towards the Divine that you must be
humble, an absolute and integral humility.
19 September 1936
Page
— 143
Isn’t it true that one can feel Your presence before having
psychic love for You?
It is above all the psychic that feels the
presence. But sometimes the mind and the vital and even the physical also
perceive it.
If it is Your will that a thing should be done, why shouldn’t it
get done? If You want me to understand philosophy, why shouldn’t I understand
it?
To develop the philosophical mind one must
study philosophy methodically: the various schools, their theories, etc., etc.
22 September 1936
Mother, will You tell me the names of some good French writers I
could read?
If it is to learn French, you should take
a textbook of French literature to study and then read one or two books by each
author mentioned in the textbook, beginning at the beginning, that is, with the
earliest authors.
22 September 1936
I have always been good to X, even though she has abused me and
done me a lot of harm. You see the result.
One should not do good in the hope of
getting a reward, but for the pleasure of doing good. Then one is always happy,
whatever happens.
23 September 1936
Page
— 144
Someone told me that if one feels Your presence it is because one
has a psychic love for You.
It is not impossible to feel the Presence
without having psychic love. But it must be rather exceptional.
24 September 1936
I am starting to study the history of literature. I have found
that I can’t understand Corneille at all — I mean that I don’t understand old
French.
Corneille is not old French, Corneille is
classical French. It is absolutely necessary to study classical French if one
wants to stand a chance of speaking French correctly. You definitely should
read the principal 17th century authors. This is essential in order to enter
into the spirit of the language.
25 September 1936
I will do as You wish. I will systematically study one play by
each author.
Don’t be in a hurry; study quietly and
seriously, without rushing, and make an effort to understand. You will find all
the words used by these authors in the dictionary.
26 September 1936
Wouldn’t it be better if I studied only French literature for the
moment? Then when I have really grasped the language, I can take up other
subjects again.
You can add geography, grammar, history
and arithmetic — it won’t do you any harm.
28 September 1936
Page — 145
At what time do You want me to go to bed and when should I get up?
You should get seven hours of sleep.
29 September 1936
How long do You want me to read and study?
Four hours of concentrated study a day is
enough.
30 September 1936
What must I do to feel that You love me?
Care more about loving than about being
loved.
3 October 1936
Do You think that studying helps me in my sadhana?
It is a good discipline both for the mind
and the vital.
5 October 1936
Y has written to me that his friend Z told him, “We must extend
our wholehearted sympathy to all who need it—
even at the cost of our sadhana.”
Absurd!
She says that this is the
best and most ennobling sort of sadhana. “To withhold our love means to be shut
up in our own little ego; to extend it to all means to enlarge our being and
come nearer to Him.” What do You think of this?
Page
— 146
There is some truth in what she says, but
it is mixed with the usual falsehood of human sentimentality.
I told Y he had better ask You before doing what Z suggests, because
I don’t think it is necessary to do all that when one is turned towards You.
The union with everything and everyone
must be attained in the Divine, not
directly and apart from Him.
12 October 1936
Do You think, Mother, that it is possible to have true sympathy
for others before having it for the Divine?
No, it is not possible.
13 October 1936
Today You gave me a flower meaning “Disinterested work”. So I must
find the interest that lies hidden behind every kind of work.
The flower means precisely: all work that
is done, in all sincerity, in consecration to the Divine.
13 October 1936
Mother, isn’t it true that we should not think about our own
progress?
Certainly you should not worry about it,
but you should have the will to progress.
14 October 1936
Page
— 147
Today You gave me a flower meaning “Psychic flame”, but I really
didn’t understand what you mean to tell me.
Agni is the will for progress, the flame of
purification that burns up all obstacles and difficulties. By giving you the
flower, I am encouraging you to let it burn in you.
15 October 1936
Is it necessary to write out the geography and history lessons? I
can study them by reading.
One learns things better if one writes
them.
My hand often gets tired while writing.
You can simply rest a minute or two and
then continue.
18 October 1936
Yesterday X told me that she doesn’t like Napoleon 1st, that he
was not a good man, that he destroyed France. And You, Mother, what do You
think of him?
He was a great and exceptional figure. Of
course he had his faults and made mistakes — but far from destroying France he
gave her an undying glory. I am telling you all this, but you need not go and
repeat it to X.
21 October 1936
What did You mean when You gave me the flower “Protection”?
Page
— 148
The protection is there; it is for you to
find out how to take advantage of it.
Mother, is there really any suffering in our yoga? When people suffer,
are they suffering because of the difficulties?
No. Usually they suffer because of a lack
of sincerity.
Perhaps they are seeking satisfaction through suffering!
Yes, that also happens.
I think that all suffering in this yoga is imaginary.
Yes.
Who suffers? The vital? Is it because its desires are not
satisfied?
Most often — but it also manages to suffer
when its desires are satisfied.
If we understand the cause of suffering, there is no suffering any
more.
That is true.
We suffer through our own stupidity.
Usually it is so.
22 October 1936
Page
— 149
Isn’t it true that I always come to You with some desire?
You come to me thinking almost exclusively
about yourself.
23 October 1936
I think that this is the reason I am not aware of Your love.
Surely, if instead of thinking about the
love that I am giving you or that you would like me to give you, you thought
about the love that you would like to feel for me, you would be more open and
receptive.
I think that only the Grace can enable me to forget myself.
You must also exert your will.
24 October 1936
I feel tired today. Please tell me the reason for this tiredness.
You have probably been doing tiring things
in your sleep.
26 October 1936
Please tell me what kind of tiring things I have been doing in my
sleep.
Bodily fatigue is a physical rendering of
certain activities and contacts originating in the vital. In one’s sleep one may
go to evil places in the vital and meet evil beings.
27 October 1936
Page
— 150
O Mother, how can I fight this tiredness? I cannot study or read,
I am so sleepy.
If you are so sleepy, it shows that for
one reason or another you need to sleep — it would not be good to resist.
28 October 1936
Then how can I avoid these contacts with the vital world and stop
being tired?
You must use your will before going to
sleep. Have the will for a quiet rest during your sleep.
28 October 1936
Please tell me how this great loss of Your presence, of happiness
and love, has come about and how to find them again.
By a firm and steady will and a calm
determination, by refusing to let external things disturb you, by trusting in
the Divine Grace and surrendering to its decisions.
29 October 1936
Somebody told me that it is not necessary to surrender or be
sincere — we only have to open. Is it true?
Certainly not. Who told you such nonsense?
Without
sincerity the path of yoga is dangerous;
without surrender it is impossible.
30 October 1936
Page
— 151
What did You mean to tell us by giving us the flower “Trust”?
Unless one has full trust in the Divine,
the Divine help cannot bear its full fruit.
6 November 1936
Do You think it may be harmful for me to read books that tell only
about ordinary life, the joys and sorrows of life?
Obviously it is not very helpful, unless
the book is very well written and you read it solely for the sake of learning
French.
14 November 1936
I would like to know
whether as a general rule it is good for little children to play all the time.
For children there should be a time for
work and study and a time for play.
16 November 1936
Sometimes I cannot concentrate on my studies. At that time something
in my brain prevents me from studying or even reading.
It is tamas.
17 November 1936
What is it that doesn’t like studying and gets tired: the brain?
Page
— 152
Your physical mind, which did not get used
to the effort of learning when you were young enough.
Is there any harm in my remaining serious and not mixing with
other people?
No, no harm.
I think that a concentrated way of life would help me to turn
towards You — and also to study better.
Without any doubt.
18 November 1936
Do You think that my mind is developing?
Regular study certainly cannot fail to
develop it.
7 December 1936
I am turning more and more towards study and giving less attention
to my sadhana. I do not know whether this is desirable.
It is all right; study can become part of
sadhana.
8 December 1936
Mother, do You think that everything is getting better and better?
I think I am making less effort than before.
At the moment you are making progress; but
you must attach more importance to the stability and genuineness of the
progress than to the appearance of progress.
Page
— 153
I mean
that it is more important to make progress, even invisibly, than to look as if
you were making it.
9 December 1936
Am I wrong in thinking that sadhaks should not have relationships
with people in ordinary life, people who have no inclination towards the
spiritual life?
Clearly it would be much better.
12 December 1936
There was a certain friendship between Y and me. Then suddenly one
day, he stopped talking to me and has been avoiding me. I don’t need anyone
because You are mine and I am Yours. O Mother, O Mother, You are everything to
me!
Human relationships are obviously very
unstable. Only relationships with the Divine can be permanent.
14 December 1936
Mother,
I would like to know whether my progress is stable or whether it is merely
superficial.
There is always a way to keep what you have gained. You must learn
to use your will.
15 December 1936
I
asked “Prosperity” for two hard-cover notebooks, but they weren’t given. Did
You refuse them?
Page — 154
No, I didn’t refuse anything; they must
have run out of notebooks and new ones will have to be made. But to tell the
truth, you use a fantastic number of notebooks. I am sure that you have a large
number of them in which only a few pages are written on, and they could well be
used for something else. It is never good to waste things — too many people in
the world do not have what they need.
15 December 1936
Another remark: it seems that Z is very fond of the company of
boys — and she is no longer a little girl. I don’t know whether I am absolutely
wrong in making this remark.
I don’t think that this kind of remark and
the state of consciousness it implies can be very helpful to your sadhana.
17 December 1936
Please explain to me why remarks like the one I made yesterday
cannot be helpful.
Remarks of this kind are always based on
appearances and on the physical mind, which always tends to interpret things in
an unkind way. Nothing could be further from the true knowledge, which is
always based on an intimate understanding of things and on the psychic
perception.
18 December 1936
Do You think that playing marbles will lower my consciousness?
It all depends on the spirit in which you play.
If you are alert and always careful to remain conscious, it is all right.
19 December 1936
Page
— 155
Yesterday I came to pranam after playing
marbles and I could not concentrate properly. This shows that the game isn’t
very good for me.
Obviously, playing before pranam cannot help your concentration.
What did You mean to tell me by giving the flower “Organisation”?
Organise your life, your work, your
consciousness.
Organisation
consists in putting each thing in its true place.
23 December 1936
O Mother, let me seek You in the place where You are!
When you have found me, you will see that
I am everywhere.
23 December 1936
O Mother, I agree that my life and my work are not organised.
Can’t You help me to organise them?
The first step is to get into the habit of
regularity} in your daily discipline.
24 December 1936
I would like You to organise my daily time-table:
Page
— 156
what time I should get up;
how long I should read French and study; whether I should take rest in the
afternoon.
I don’t think there is any point at all in
my arranging all that for you. You have to discover, by progressive adjustment,
the programme that suits you best and stick to it very carefully, while keeping
it a bit flexible so that it can be adjusted to the demands of each new day.
30 December 1936
Mother, do You believe that I feel for You the love of a child for
his mother?
A child’s love for his mother is full of a
spontaneous and absolute trust. In you such a love can only be based upon a
psychic opening, for the psychic is likened to a child precisely because it
feels this spontaneous and absolute trust in the Divine.
12 January 1937
Mother, please make me understand where I am just now, what is
happening in me.
You must make an effort to understand,
otherwise all my explanations will be useless.
11 March 1937
I feel that something or someone in the physical mind is pulling
me down. I don’t know what to do.
You must stop this someone or something from
pulling you down. Surely you have a will — what is it
for?
12 March 1937
Page
— 157
Will You explain to me now what this darkness that invaded me was?
When you feel a darkness invading you and
taking you away from me, you can be sure that it is an alien influence which
has entered your atmosphere.
19 March 1937
Is there any harm in my reading novels in French?
Reading novels is never beneficial.
What must one do to avoid being affected by alien influences?
Concentrate on the Divine.
24 March 1937
No sooner is the headache gone than I get backache and a chest
pain. Please tell me why I get all these pains one after another.
The causes are always complex, most often obscure,
and they come from suggestions affecting the subconscious.
27 March 1937
A dream: I saw a papaya tree with very ripe fruits. Some crows and
a monkey were on the tree to eat the
Page
— 158
fruits. I threw dust at them and they all ran away except the
monkey. He sprang at me and I tore him to pieces. I think that this dream has a
meaning.
The monkey usually symbolises the
uncontrolled physical mind. In this case he probably wanted to steal the fruits
of your spiritual aspiration.
29 March 1937
Yesterday I wrote to You about X because I don’t like the exchange
of influence between him and Y.
I knew about it, but I always prefer my
action to be carried out in silence.
14 April 1937
You always prefer Your action to be carried out in silence. When
do You choose to inform us in writing? You have often written so many things to
me, sometimes even without my asking You about them.
When there is an immediate need for a
result, I tell two categories of people:
1)
Those who are very goodwilled and aspire very much to
know.
2)
Those who are so shut up in their outer consciousness that they would never
understand anything unless I told them plainly.
15 April 1937
Would You tell me what place play has in this yoga, from the viewpoint
of the higher consciousness?
Page
— 159
No special place so far as I know.
28 April 1937
If You think there is no place for play in this yoga, why did You
give me permission to play?
I did not say that play has no place in
the yoga, I said that it had no place.
Z writes: “I find you very restless all the time; your atmosphere
is not at all suitable for teaching.”
Yes, you lack the mental calm that makes
study profitable and you find great difficulty in concentrating on what you are
doing.
I would like to know how play is regarded from the viewpoint of
the higher consciousness — as a vital pleasure.
Playing can be a useful relaxation,
especially for young children; it can be a vital pleasure if the vital turns it
to its own advantage. It all depends on your attitude when you play.
I think that joking is all right.
There are also jokes that are mean and
ugly and ought to be carefully avoided. All jokes that wound or lower the
consciousness are bad.
29 April 1937
What is the present state of my consciousness? I feel that I am
not progressing any more. Why and how?
Page
— 160
If you were concerned about yourself a bit
less, perhaps you would progress more.
1 May 1937
Would You tell me why I think about myself so much? I suppose
there are people who don’t think about themselves at all.
Such people are indeed very rare. Thinking
about oneself is the most widespread habit among human beings. Only a yogi can
become free of it.
3 May 1937
If one didn’t think about oneself, one would get carried away by
the stream of life into the ocean of misery and suffering where almost everyone
is. It would not be good, one could never escape from the universe and reach
the truth!
How fortunate that you are here to teach
me what to do — otherwise, no doubt I wouldn’t know!!!
4 May 1937
When one does something for someone, is it necessary to identify
oneself with that person?
No, not necessarily; but it is difficult
to avoid receiving something of their influence.
17 May 1937
If someone is teaching me, is it necessary for him to identify
himself with me, to concentrate on me?
Page
— 161
Without concentration one can achieve
nothing.
18 May 1937
X writes: “People are advising me to take eggs and fish for
improving my body. Please ask Mother if I can take fish.”
The doctor should decide about these
things, if it is a matter of health.
“I am attracted by Mother, but at the same time I must think of my
parents who have brought me up. I must pay back my debt to them.” Please write
something about this last sentence.
I have nothing to say about it. Each one
has to find his own direction. Once you have chosen to live for the Divine,
nothing else in the world should count; but so long as you have not taken the
decision, you must find in yourself the direction you want to give to your
life.
26 May 1937
Isn’t it true,
Mother, that a son is not obliged to serve his father?
Only one who has
totally consecrated himself to the Divine has the right to forsake his duty to
his parents.
27 May 1937
I feel that I
am drifting further and further away from You. I also feel that I have become
duller, more insensitive, more ordinary. In calm I pray to you: show me the path
I must follow.
Page — 162
To discover one’s
weaknesses and imperfections is already a great progress. The first step towards
progress is a sincere humility.
25 June 1937
Is it really
necessary to feel a great deal of sympathy for other people?
Not necessarily.
I thought that
a calm indifference was the best thing in many cases.
Yes, it is much
better.
28 June 1937
Y spoke to me
unnecessarily. Is it good to give importance to these things?
You should not
attach any importance to them. But it would be even better not to listen. Gossip
is always harmful.
23 July 1937
This morning I
felt upset; perhaps a vital force came during my sleep.
When you feel
upset, you should sit down in a quiet place and ask for peace until you feel
that the disturbance has disappeared.
1 September 1937
Page — 163
My present life
is undisciplined, although I think it is calm. Would You prefer it to be a bit
more regular?
You must
discipline the physical consciousness from within, and from within also will
come the outer order of your physical life.
8 September 1937
You tell me to
discipline my physical consciousness from within, but I don’t know what it is or
how to do it.
I mean that the
physical consciousness must be disciplined by a force that acts from within.
11 September 1937
X has sent me a
letter from his friend, in which he speaks of doing yoga and taking refuge here.
We cannot take
anyone like this:
1.
Without having full information about the person — name, family, state of
health, occupation, etc., etc.
2.
Without having seen him.
3. And
in any case we will only take a person on trial at first, to find out whether he
is fit to do this yoga or not.
So the
first thing for this boy to do is to write us a letter in English giving us all
the necessary details and also explaining his reasons for wanting to do yoga.
And he
should also send his photograph.
7 October 1937
I ask Your
forgiveness for having kept up a certain familiarity with Y, although You told
me not to do so.
Page — 164
O Mother, I
want Your love! Without love how can I live?
To obtain the
divine love, all other love must be abandoned.
28 December 1937
A head cold has
been trying to get into me for a long time already. Would You explain to me why
I haven’t been able to resist this time? Is it a lessening of faith?
Not necessarily.
There may be other reasons too. Only control over the subconscious can give an
invariable resistance to every attack.
25 January 1938
My dear Mother,
please give me Your blessings for this month of my birth.
Yes, my blessings
are with you.
And I
also wanted to ask you something. You know that we are going to put up a new
building,¹ using the most modern methods. A great many workers are needed to
supervise the work. I thought the time had come for you to take an active part
in the overall work. Of course this will imply regularity, steadiness and a
great sincerity. You would have to work eight hours a day regularly
except Sundays. The architect, who is arriving from Japan in a few days, will
give you all the instructions required for the work. Tell me what you think of
it, and whether I can put your name on the list of workers.
1 February 1938
¹Golconde, a fifty-room residential
quarters.
Page — 165
I am happy with the work You have so graciously granted me. O
Mother, let me feel Your presence constantly.
I am glad that the work pleases you. I am
sure that it will do you a lot of good to work; it increases the receptivity
considerably.
10 February 1938
I would like to talk to You about the work in general. A free
exchange of ideas and opinions between the man in charge and the supervisors;
not a blind work, but a work of knowledge.
What you speak of cannot be done in an
arbitrary way, nor through any conversation; it demands a change of
consciousness, and only yoga can bring about that change.
6 March 1938
Is there any harm in my talking with Y sometimes?
It all depends on the subject and length of
your conversations. A few words in passing do not matter, but if you start
talking about so-called spiritual things, then it becomes dangerous.
14 April 1938
Z found the shuttering perfect; he said it could not have been done
better.
Are you so sure?
If you want to learn to work really well}, you must be modest, become aware of
your imperfections and always maintain the will to progress.
Page — 166
One does not progress through boasting.
22 April 1938
The organisation is getting more and more complicated and I am more
and more anxious. I don’t know where all these obstacles are coming from; up to
now everything was going well.
Mr. Z wants a particular organisation; he
himself has explained to me what he wants and I fully agree with him. It is the resistance of egoism in certain
people which is complicating the situation — otherwise everything would be very
simple.
30 April 1938
O Mother, why don’t I feel Your presence?
It is an excess of mental activity that
prevents you from feeling my presence.
3 May 1938
One part of my being has started to think about X’s faults.
I fear that in this you are under
influences that are none too healthy.
Another part says: “Why are you thinking ill of others? This is
what prevents you from feeling the divine presence.”
This is absolutely correct.
Page — 167
O Mother, let me weep in the silence of my heart for union with
You.
Enter into a strong and luminous peace. It is there that you can best realise the
union.
6 May 1938
Since yesterday things have gone wrong and I have lost my balance
again. I don’t understand anything about it.
Surely your vital has been thwarted in
something, and probably something unimportant since you don’t even remember what
it is. You should not pay too much attention to these changing moods of the
vital which have no real value.
9 May 1938
Mother, I would like to know whether I have reached the point of
being able to surrender in work. I don’t think so. I am going to try to take an
attitude of complete obedience to the person in charge: whatever he says, must
be done without any argument.
Yes, this is good. If you do not obey, it
is you who become responsible for the slightest mistake; if on the other hand
you scrupulously obey, the whole responsibility rests with the person who has
given the orders.
10 May 1938
Mother, do You know that I am thinking all the time about the work
— which perhaps is not very good.
Page — 168
On the contrary, it is very good; it
teaches you to concentrate.
12 May 1938
O Mother, I am really very far from You.
It is because you are too dispersed — your
consciousness rushes out into superficial external things instead of remaining
concentrated.
June 1938
I have been feeling unhappy for some time; it seems that You have
written to someone about my faults and he is telling everybody. I don’t
understand how this can help me. At the moment nothing interests me, and I feel
as if I am entering into the dark side of my nature.
It was Sri Aurobindo who wrote that we are
aware of the “serious failings” in your
nature. Did you by any chance imagine that you have none? If you were more
ready to recognise them, we would have less need to refer to them. In any case I
take the opportunity to tell you one thing: you certainly have possibilities,
which can become fine capacities if properly developed — but for the moment they
are no more than possibilities and it would be good to bear in mind that it will
take a lot of time, effort and patience to change them into realisations.
23 June 1938
I feel that I am good for nothing, that I have no capacity to
learn.
It is a lack of practice rather than a lack
of capacity.
Page — 169
How far I have strayed from You!
Your vital is discontented because I have
not given it the compliments it desired. But your psychic is always with me; it
is happy that I am making you conscious of what needs to be changed in you, and
it insists that I should do so in spite of the vital’s discontent.
6 July 1938
Sweet Mother, I will try to do whatever You wish. Where are You?
Cross beyond the ignorance of a mind that
judges without knowing, plunge into the depths of a calm and unassuming silence:
there you will find me.
29 August 1938
About the work — is it better to yield to fate, or to fight against
injustice?
Before fighting you should be sure that you
know where the injustice lies. And only the Divine can have that knowledge.
2 September 1938
My dear Mother, would it be desirable to become intimate with Y?
For sadhana, any intimacy is certainly
undesirable.
I would like You to tell me something about my sadhana. I need to
know.
Page — 170
From the spiritual point of view it is not
good always to be wanting to know whether what one is doing is good, whether one
has made any progress, what point one has reached, etc., etc. It is yet another
opportunity to satisfy one’s “ego” by drawing attention to it.
27 September 1938
I spoke to Z about gossiping. It has made him greatly displeased
with me and now he is cold towards me.
There is always a way of saying things to
people which does not offend them.
18 January 1939
Sweet Mother, please tell me why this room at Golconde, which is to
be concreted on Tuesday, has taken so long to get ready. I must know my
mistakes.
The work is not going well because at
Golconde there is an atmosphere of discord and disagreement which prevents the
Force from working effectively. If each one made an effort to overcome his
preferences and dislikes, the work would go much better.
22 January 1939
Won’t I be able to see You in the afternoon as before and
communicate with You any more? There are often things to ask You.
When the outer contact is not possible, it
is time to cultivate and obtain the inner contact.
25 April 1939
Page — 171
Today is my birthday. I want this day to be the beginning of a more
spiritual life and therefore something has to be done. Please tell me what I
must do.
It is not with the mind that one should
decide what has to be done. It should be a spontaneous movement taking place in
a sincere and constant aspiration.
22 May 1939
Mother, I see that mosquitoes are biting You in the evening during
meditation. Would you allow me to drive them away with a fan?
No, the movement of the fan would be even
more bothersome than the mosquitoes.
12 June 1939
Let me enter into the solitude of my soul, O Mother Divine!
Certainly this is the surest way to find
me.
4 May 1940
As long as one relies on one’s own judgment
of things, one is unable to discern and know the divine Will.
13 July 1940
I am very surprised that people are giving You false reports of
this kind; and it is really a pity that such things should happen just at the
beginning of the work. I hope that You still have confidence in me.
Page — 172
Reports never tell me anything; I never
base my judgment on them. And what I hear from other people can never make me
lose confidence in anyone.
9 January 1941
Mother, since I started mathematics I have been getting headaches
often. I need to go slowly and have to take two or three weeks for each lesson.
This is absolutely impossible.
Since the study of mathematics tires you, the best thing is to stop it.
20 January 1941
I have no mental tranquillity because I worry about my studies; I
find arithmetic very difficult. I do not have that inner peace. I hope You will
tell me something about what I have just written.
You yourself asked to take up these
studies. I do not see why you now complain about having no tranquillity. But if
you feel that you are working too much, you can drop one thing or the other.
8 March 1941
Yes, I was wrong to ask You if I could start studying mathematics.
I want to go back to the attitude of doing only what You want me to do; eight
hours of work in the Building Service, that is Your will. Besides this work,
what would you like me to do?
It seems to me that apart from the work at
the Building Service,
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if you feel like studying, it would be
better to read Sri Aurobindo’s books seriously and carefully, without hurrying.
This will help you more than anything else for your sadhana.
9 March 1941
Many people have told me to cut my long hair. What do You say?
It does not matter at all.
14 October 1947
At the moment I feel very far from You. Our former relationship,
when I trusted You and You trusted me, no longer exists. I am full of desires
and only try to satisfy them.
Since you are aware of the state you are
in, it is time to take action and avoid the influences that estrange you from me
and make you unhappy. Nothing is lost if you take immediate action.
23 October 1947
Mother, just now I feel full of despair and I cannot find Your
support. My mind is full of tension and it is making me ill.
Obviously it is enough to make anyone ill!…
It is not possible to serve two masters at once. You wanted to satisfy your ego
and its desires and you have moved away from your soul. Rediscover your soul and
you will rediscover me — I have not changed place.
7 November 1947
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I do admit that I have moved away from my soul and that only there
can I rediscover You. My purpose in writing all this was to ask for Your help in
rediscovering it.
All my help will be in vain unless you
resolve to overcome your weaknesses.
November 1947
Mother, could You give four rupees a month for the two of us, to
buy some preserves or go to the cinema?
If I give you two rupees each, I can see no
valid reason why I should not give every member of the Ashram two rupees
pocket-money each month, and that makes a minimum of 1500 rupees (one thousand five hundred rupees per month).
No further comment is needed.
June 1948
I would like to go to Bombay. It is not that I am unhappy here; on
the contrary, I live too easy a life. I feel an imperative need to compare the
life here with life outside. I need a change, and for this change to take place
I need to know the other life.
You may go if you like, but since I do not
see how it can help you to overcome your lower being and go beyond the limits of
your ego, do not expect any financial help from me in this affair.
28 November 1948
May I go to Madras to see the city and the surrounding area? My
sister lives there with her family. I will come back before Darshan.
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You may go if you like, but your family must give you the money
needed. Do not expect me to do it because I will give you nothing for that
purpose and I forbid you to ask money for it from any disciple or member of the
Ashram, especially X.
4 November 1949
COMMENTS
ON PRAYERS AND MEDITATIONS
(The following letters regarding the Mother’s Prayers and
Meditations are arranged according to the dates of the prayers concerned.)
“How many times a day, still, I act without my action being
consecrated to Thee.” (2 November 1912)
Even after communion with the Divine, can one act without the
action being consecrated to the Divine?
Certainly, communion and consecration are
very different things.
8 November 1934
But is it possible to experience communion before consecration?
The part of the being that experiences
communion is not the same as the part that is not consecrated.
9 November 1934
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In this prayer You write, “I am as yet far, no doubt very far,
from that identification in which I shall totally lose the notion of the ‘I’ “,
and at the same time, “and how many times already when I pronounce it (‘I’), it
is Thou who speakest in me, for I have lost the sense
of separativity.” (19 November 1912)
Mother, is there a difference then between “losing the sense of separativity” and the “identification”?
Losing the sense of separativity
is the last step before the Identification, and in the Identification itself
there are several steps.
24 September 1934
In the prayer of 26 November 1912 You say that You have “almost
entirely lost the gross illusion of ‘me’ and ‘mine’.” In the prayer of 3
December 1912 You say: “in the measure in which my attitude allows Thee to act
on me and in me, Thy omnipotence has no limits.”
Even after the identification, one’s attitude does not allow the
Divine to act completely as He wishes!
There are degrees in everything, and what
is perfect one day no longer seems to be perfect the next.
7 November 1934
“When it is needful that something should be known, one knows it,
and the more passive the mind to Thy illumination, the clearer and the more
adequate is its expression.” (3 December 1912)
Mother, when is this possible? I often make mistakes; if I could
know what is needful each time, it would be wonderful!
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— 177
This can only happen when one has given up
all personal preferences.
26 September 1934
“For now I should not be able to repeat what was said.” (3
December 1912)
Why does this happen?
Because memory belongs to the mind and it
was not the mind speaking but a consciousness from beyond.
28 September 1934
“Yes, we should not put too much intensity, too much effort into
our seeking for Thee; the effort and intensity become a veil in front of Thee;
we must not desire to see Thee.” (5 December 1912)
Is this true for everyone?
Certainly not.
Besides,
as a general rule, you must never try to copy my experiences. I started to note
them down after having attained communion
with the Divine, a state you are far from having achieved.
October 1934
“I await, without haste, without inquietude,
the tearing of another veil, the Union made more complete. I know that the veil
is formed of a whole mass of small imperfections, of attachments without
number.” (11 December 1912)
I think that the veil You mention here is the veil between the Supreme and the obscure material world — but it has
nothing to do with You.
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— 178
In order to do my work, I have had to
identify myself with the material world and its imperfections.
6 November 1934
“Already there is heard from behind the veil the wordless symphony
of gladness that reveals Thy sublime Presence.” (11 December 1912)
Does this mean that there is a glad, wordless music that contains
Your sublime Presence?
Behind all appearances there is a harmony
of forces and movements which is something like the harmony of all the
different kinds of instruments in a perfect symphony.
30 July 1934
“I am endless Peace, shadowless Light,
perfect Harmony, Certitude, Rest and Supreme Blessedness.” (5 February 1913)
What does “Certitude” mean, in the spiritual sense?
Faith confirmed by the spiritual
experience of what one has faith in.
31 July 1934
“All who seek Thee with ardour should understand that Thou art
there whenever there is need of Thee; and if they could have the supreme faith
to give up seeking Thee, but rather to await Thee, at each moment putting
themselves integrally at Thy service,
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— 179
Thou wouldst be
there whenever there was need of Thee.” (10 February 1913)
Is this not for me?
This is for everyone — you as well as
others — who is capable of taking this attitude with integral sincerity. But I
ought to point out that it is even more difficult than making an effort.
14 November 1934
“And in this simplicity lies the greatest power, the power which
is least mixed and least gives rise to harmful reactions.” (12 February 1913)
So I suppose that this simplicity isn’t good, since it contains a
little mixture?
Idiot! What can be without mixture in the
world as it is now? Nothing, nothing, nothing!
August 1934
“The power of the vital should be mistrusted, it is a tempter on
the path of the work, and there is always a risk of falling into its trap, for
it gives you the taste of immediate results.” (12 February 1913)
So we should never trust the power of the vital?
It is because we like immediate and
visible results that we allow ourselves to be misled by the vital.
August 1934
“As soon as I have no longer any material responsibilities, all
thoughts about these things flee far away from me,
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— 180
and I am solely and entirely occupied with Thee and Thy
service.” (11 May 1913)
Here I don’t understand what You mean by “with Thy service”, since
You said before: “As soon as I have no longer any material responsibilities”.
I wrote this because for a time I was not
living at home, but with my mother, so I no longer had the responsibilities of
the mistress of the house who has to see that everything is materially in
order.
August 1934
“It is by becoming conscious of Thy Will and identifying ours with
Thine that there is found the secret of true liberty
and all-puissance, the secret of the regeneration of forces and the
transfiguration of the being.” (11 May 1913)
I don’t understand what “the secret of the regeneration of forces”
means.
The material and vital forces are
perverted — they must be regenerated so that they become capable of expressing
the divine will.
August 1934
“To turn towards Thee, unite with Thee, live in Thee and for Thee,
is supreme happiness, unmixed joy, immutable peace; it is to breathe infinity,
to soar in eternity, no longer feel one’s limits, escape from time and space.
Why do men flee from these boons as though they feared them?” (18 June 1913)
Why don’t men want to rise above the falsehood and ignorance that
reign everywhere in the world?
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— 181
Because they love falsehood, vital
agitation, violence, drama. The peace of eternity seems to them as empty as
death because they live exclusively in the mind and vital.
29 January 1935
“Thou art ourselves in our Reality.” (15 August 1913)
Here I don’t understand what “our Reality” means, because I
thought there was only one Reality.
I use the word reality in the sense of
truth of the being.
25 February 1935
“Undoubtedly, one must learn to control one’s subconscient
just as one controls one’s conscious thought. There must be many ways of
achieving this.…But there is surely something more rapidly effective.” (25
November 1913)
What is this “thing” that can overcome the subconscient?
The descent of the Supermind.
28 April 1935
“How many different levels there are in consciousness! This word should
be reserved for what is illumined in a being by Thy Presence, is identified
with Thee and partakes of Thy absolute Consciousness.” (13 March 1914)
I mean that the word consciousness should
be reserved only for that which is conscious of the divine Presence.
19 April 1935
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— 182
“Outside this state there are infinite grades of consciousness,
going right down to complete darkness, the veritable inconscience
which may be a domain yet untouched by the light of Thy divine Love (but this
seems improbable in physical substance), or which is, for some kind of reason
of ignorance, outside our individual range of perception.” (13 March 1914)
What is this “veritable inconscience”
You mention here?
The subconscient
of the subconscient.
21 April 1935
“In the presence of those who are integrally Thy servitors, those
who have attained the perfect consciousness of Thy presence, I become aware
that I am still far, very far from what I yearn to realise.” (30 March 1914)
Are there any men on this earth who are already integrally Your
servitors?
I wrote this after meeting Sri Aurobindo for the first time.
18 July 1935
“May my consciousness be identified with Thine
so that Thou alone mayst be the will acting through
this fragile and transient instrument.” (9 May 1914)
Why do You say “this fragile and transient instrument”? Because it
will really pass away one day?
The instrument in question here is on
earth, which has an ephemeral existence compared with the eternal
consciousness.
1 June 1935
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— 183
“And on the earth now I am the joyful child who plays.” (17 May
1914)
I think, Mother, that this “I” means You, so why not the feminine
form of the adjective?
You ought to know the Hindu tradition that
the world is the result of “the Divine Child who plays”. It is with Him that I
was identified.
5 November 1934
“All the individual faculties slumber and the consciousness is not
yet fully awake in the transcendent states; that is, its wakefulness is then
intermittent and in between there is sleep.” (19 May 1914)
Does this mean that before the consciousness has awakened in the
transcendent states, there is a period in which the consciousness is asleep?
The consciousness is asleep in everyone
until it is awakened.
How long does the consciousness sleep like this?
A second or an eternity.
10 April 1935
Then what does this mean exactly?
There are experiences of a universal order
which can be revealed only to those who have had them.
13 April 1935
“Thou hast made a promise, Thou hast sent into these
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— 184
worlds those who can and that which can fulfil this promise.” (14
June 1914)
What do You mean by “that which”?
The force, the power, the consciousness, the
knowledge, the love, etc., etc.
7 April 1936
“But the religious being turns to Thee, O Lord, in a great
aspiration of love, and implores Thy help.” (24 June 1914)
What do You mean by “the religious being”?
The being which has religious, devotional
feelings.
2 April 1936
“What wisdom is there in
wanting to be like this or like that?” (25 June 1914)
What is the meaning of this passage?
Wisdom lies in wanting what the Divine
wants, not in deciding for yourself.
13 December 1933
“O divine Force, supreme
Illuminator, hearken to our prayer, move not away from us, do not withdraw,
help us to fight.” (8 July 1914)
Does the Divine ever move away or withdraw from us?
No, it is we who withdraw from him.
11 July 1935
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— 185
Then what do You mean by “move not away from us, do not withdraw”?
I was not addressing the Divine himself,
but a Force, an emanation of the Divine, which had come down to do a particular
work on earth and could have withdrawn if it had seen that the work it came to
do was impossible.
13 July 1935
“Earthly realisations easily take on a great importance in our
eyes.” (17 July 1914)
What do You mean by “earthly realisations”?
The works that we do upon earth.
30 January 1936
“The world is divided between two opposite forces struggling for
supremacy, and both are equally against Thy law, O Lord.” (9 September 1914)
What are these two forces?
If you had read the meditation carefully
you would not have needed to ask this question — the two forces are conservation and destruction.
22 May 1935
“It is in the cherry-blossom that lies the remedy for the
disorders of the spring.” (7 April 1917)
What does this mean?
There are certain illnesses that people
get particularly in Spring — boils, impurities of the blood, etc.— which the
Japanese cure with teas made from cherry-blossoms. I did not know this when I
had the experience.
11 February 1936
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