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Coming to the Ashram
You say that you feel you have returned to your old life and that you have fallen from that state of spiritual consciousness in which you remained for some time. And you ask whether it comes from the fact that Sri Aurobindo and myself have withdrawn our protection and our help because you had been unable to fulfil your promise. It is a mistake to think that anything at all has been withdrawn by us. Our help and our protection are with you as always, but it would be more correct to say that both your inability to feel our help and your inability to keep your promise are the simultaneous effects of the same cause. Remember what I wrote to you when you went to Calcutta to fetch your family: do not let any influence come in between you and the Divine. You did not pay sufficient attention to this warning: you have allowed an influence to interfere strongly between you and your spiritual life; your devotion and your faith have been seriously shaken by this. As a consequence, you became afraid and you did not find the same joy in your offering to the Divine Cause; and also, quite naturally, you fell back into your ordinary consciousness and your old life. You are quite right, nevertheless, not to let yourself be discouraged. Whatever the fall, it is always possible not only to get up again but also to rise higher and to reach the goal. Only a strong aspiration and a constant will are needed. You have to take a firm resolution to let nothing interfere with your ascent towards the Divine Realisation. And then the success is certain. Be assured of our unfailing help and protection. 3 February 1931 Mother, my physical mother wants to come here. If Page – 134 she wants to come here for my sake it will not be good either for me or for her. If she has a longing for the Divine it is different. Mother, is her longing a true one? What do You think about this?
I really believe that if you were not here, she would never dream of coming here. It is mainly you that she wants to see, and as you very rightly say, this is not good for you or for her. So it will be better if she does not come. My blessings are always with you.
She can try to do yoga, but her motive must be pure, for if she decides to do yoga in order to join you here, nothing good can come out of it. 25 June 1932
I am puzzled. My heart is pulled towards you and I want to come back. But certain things are keeping me here and I feel that they will keep drawing me even if I return at present. What should I do? But please know that whether I come just now or not I cannot ever break away from you. I pray to you not to abandon me.
My dear child, blessings of the day… Just received your letter of 21st; it came to me directly (without the written words) three days ago, probably when you were writing it, and my silent answer was categorical: remain there until the necessity of being here will become so imperative that all else will completely lose all value for you. My answer now is exactly the 131same. I want only to assure you that we are not abandoning you and that you will always have our help and protection.
24 April 1939 Page – 135 I am quite ready to shower my grace upon X, but I do not consider it advisable for him that he should come here. I don’t believe a half-a-minute “darshan” can change these habits. We have had bitter experience about them already, that they resist even a psychic opening. He must first have the sincere will to change. Our love and blessings. 16 January 1940 Just received and read your letter. Here is my answer. Your nature is such that you will always wish to be where you are not. Your attraction for the Ashram life comes from the fact that you are far away from it. As soon as you would be back here you would feel restless again and the urge to run away. As Ramakrishna said, it is better to be far away from the Guru and constantly think of him rather than to remain near the Guru and think only of the world’s enjoyments. When you will have risen above this condition and found in yourself your psychic being and its sincere and constant urge for the Divine, then it will be time to come back and to settle here for good. 10 June 1949
We do not think the time has come for you for a permanent stay in the Ashram. It is best for you to come from time to time for darshan and prepare yourself. When the preparation is sufficient then you can come for a permanent stay. You can be sure of our help and our love and blessings will be with you. 24 February 1941 Sri Aurobindo asks me to tell you that it is better for you Page – 136 not to come to the Ashram immediately. The Yoga is difficult and to take an unprepared plunge into it might make it still more difficult. You should read first and understand the “Life Divine” and make sure that your resolution is on a firm basis and your mind and vital being ready to enter into a new inner life. Our help will be with you and our blessings. 24 February 1941
It is true that I have pardoned X, for the Divine Grace pardons everything, but it is true also that the coming of X’s wife and child here is absolutely out of the question, for many reasons of which one is sufficient ― it is that nothing is more contagious than a bad example and I cannot allow the recurrence of such unhappy events. 6 June 1954
One mistake you have made and it is the cause of all the trouble. Before going you ought to have spoken to me frankly and told me that you would be compelled to marry this young girl in order to bring her here. I might have advised you to try to avoid such an unpleasant necessity, but in any case the news of your marriage would not have come as a shock and created such a scandal. Now, the best is to wait until X is cured of his illness and bring him with you; it will be for the Ashramites at least some proof of your sincerity. We have prepared a lodging for Y with the little boy, and you will live separately. You must learn by this experience that a courageous and straightforward frankness is always the best way of facing difficulties. 5 February 1955 Page – 137 Where is your faith in the Divine? Having faith in the Divine you ought to rejoice that X has received the inner call and decided to lead the divine life; you ought to be made happy by this sign of the Divine’s Grace and feel grateful for it. Quietly face the social difficulties with equality and cheerfulness; then you will know that my love and blessings are with you. 20 February 1955
My dear children, I have received your letter and appreciate your resolution. But in view of the difficulties you were experiencing here when you were living at the Ashram, I find it more advisable for you to wait some time and see whether you can rely upon the resolution you have made to join the Ashram. It would be better for you now to leave India if you cannot remain. If after some time you find that you still maintain the same resolution, write to me again and manage to come not with a tourist visa but a student or teacher visa. If the truth is there it will never die out however adverse the circumstances. Let the blessings of the Grace be always with you. 3 June 1957
I am sorry, but for the moment we are not in a position to increase the number of inmates. It is already difficult to manage 134with those who are here ― exception made of the very few cases of those who might come with a genuine call for sadhana. 1 August 1959 (To someone who wanted to bring his family to the Ashram) Page – 138 This is very nice ― I would like to “shelter” the whole world, or at least all those who aspire for a better life. But we lack place and means. Let the town grow and the means increase and our hospitality will be enlarged.
Mother, Will my children, whose pictures you have already seen, be able to come here eventually? May I have your protection for them?
Surely my blessings are with all three. As for coming here, it is not quite sure that the two elder ones will want to come ― their own will is necessary. The third one is a bit too young to say anything for certain ― but she is promising. 24 March 1966
You ask if you can retain the same relation with me if you stay away for some time more. Well, it will surely depend on the length of the time. Because little by little you forget that you have (or had) a true being and you will get so accustomed to being a “thoughtful”, “tactful” and “reasonable” creature that you will no more dream of being otherwise. In any case you have to make the decision yourself; neither your parents nor I can take the decision for you. They have no more than I have the right to interfere in your destiny. I can say only one thing, if ever and as soon as you feel disgusted with being a thoughtful, tactful and reasonable creature, run away from there, quick and without hesitation, and come back here. I shall give you back your true self. Page – 139 It is indeed indispensable that something should change radically in your nature before you are fit for staying here. You are far too ego-centric to lead a spiritual life; and it is also the cause of this catastrophe and of the suffering it has brought to you, which is the natural consequence of the whole affair. Indeed it is good if you go to face the ordinary life now and learn to live with the others and for the others instead of making of the Ashram life an excuse for living selfishly for yourself. Each one has the right to follow the path he has chosen, but it must be at the right place, and obviously this Ashram is not the place to follow the path you have chosen. Page – 141 |